“you are only responsible for your own feelings”
“You choose to react the way you do. I am not responsible for how you choose to feel”
We already know that I have limited patience with people who tell me that I choose to react the way I do to their misdeeds. I can summarize it by saying that while I agree that in theory my reactions are in my control, that does not mean that it is fine for you to treat me like shit. My reactions are all mine. Your douchebaggery is all yours.
So how to I handle the opposite situation? When my own actions result in sadness/anger/other negative emotions in other people?
Do I tell them they are responsible for their own emotions? No. I feel guilty that they feel bad. Even if I didn’t do anything wrong. Even if they are being unreasonable. I can have the most tenuous role in their feelings. If by any remote stretch I could possibly have played even the smallest role in their distress, I feel awful myself. Responsible.
It’s a lose-lose situation, but at least I’m consistent.
There is good news, though. It isn’t as bad as it used to be, in the same way that I don’t take my own hurt feelings as personally anymore. Yes, I still tend to over-personalize, but I can usually bring myself back to a more rational stance without too much trouble.
Apparently, I really am capable of personal growth and learning.
Huh.