An imaginary conversation about letters of reference

Remember how I told you that I thought people should have to provide references in first dates?


You never listen.

Yes I do, but I can’t be expected to keep up with every one of your insane ideas.

Some people like my ideas.

No they don’t.

Are you sure?

The men, anyway. They just pretend to like your ideas because they want to fuck you.

All of them? I don’t think so.

Some of them. The ones pretending to like your insane ideas.

You don’t have a very high opinion of how men think. Also, I don’t like that you are dissing my creative ideas.



You know how a lot of men think.

Yes. And that is why I had this new idea!

I can’t wait to hear it.

I’ll pretend that was sincere and tell you: I think we should get sexual letters of reference from past lovers upon separation so new lovers know what to expect.

Dear gods.

What? Don’t you think it would be helpful?


Star rankings like high school athletes?

You’ve lost your mind entirely.

You don’t think I should bring this up on dates?

Are you kidding me?




It’s a terrible idea.

Well, it does have some challenges.


Sure. Like how would someone know the references were real and sincere?

Among other things.

Or, a past lover could torpedo your sexual future by giving a bad reference.

The logistics alone make this impossible.

Well, I think it has a lot of possibilities.

I doesn’t. No possibilities at all.

The reviews could be posted online.

No. Who would pay for hosting?

People who want to have sex.

So you’d have some sort of legal mandate on that?

Good point. That could be tricky.

There is no scenario in which this is anything but crazy.

You’re so unwhimsical.

Your idea isn’t whimsical, it’s batshit-ical.

Aren’t you ever curious though?

Of course. That’s part of the fun. Waiting to find out.

I suppose you’re right. If you knew ahead of time, all of that fun teasing and delayed gratification would be pointless.

Is it ever pointless?

Not if it’s done well.