Love isn’t brains, children, it’s blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.
Though I do try to be grateful every day, and though I am generally a happysmilinglaughing type of person, sometimes I am unhappy. I’m human, after all, though I hate to admit it. This has been a hard year. I’m allowed to feel it.
Other times, more rarely, I am fortunate enough to not only feel happy, but also “more.”
This is one of those “more” times and I want to acknowledge it because I think it’s just as important as those “less” times and certainly far more enjoyable.
It could end in an instant. So could anything else. So the fuck what. I could be hit by a beer truck crossing NW Marshall tomorrow. A 16 ton weight could land on my bedroom. It seems unlikely. I’m happy right now. People are smiling at me on the street because I’m roaming around all smiling radiant and turned on by life, love, the universe and the green world around me.
Be rational, you say?
Fuck. That. Shit.
I’m going to be happy. I am going to be turned on to things. I am going to use my senses. I am going to feel things even if my rational brain says no. I am going to go for walks and be mind fucked by how Spring in the Willamette Valley has every color of green that can be imagined and some that can only be seen.
I am going to enjoy every second with this new person in my life. (Hey, Thirteen.) And I am not going to be rational about it, second guess what it may or may not turn out to be or worry about it. I am not going to try to rein it in, direct it, or do anything but live it every day while it lasts.
Could it be a huge disaster? Could this new guy be a raging dick who breaks me heart? YES, and that will be on him not on me. Unless I cause the disaster myself. That could also happen.
Could it be a huge miracle that changes everything? YES, and if it is won’t that be amazing?
It could be a lot of things. I don’t care. Fuck could be. Fuck should be. It will be what it is. I am going to take it as it comes.
Isn’t that unlike me?
I may be love’s bitch, but I will enjoy the ride.