Allow me to whine for just a moment about singing

 

My heart wants to sing every song it hears
My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds
That rise from the lake to the trees

O.Hammerstein/The Sound Of Music

It’s not like I’m an actual singer. I haven’t sung in public since High School. I have no real need to sing on a daily basis. My livelihood is not impacted when I am unable to sing. No one even hears me sing, except my poor husband and the cat. Or people who have the misfortune to ride in my car when I forget I’m not alone and burst into song. (Sorry ’bout that)

But you know what? I sing. I sing all the time. In the car, in the house when no one is here. Sitting at my desk. All the time. I can’t really help it. Sometimes at work, by accident. The songs just come out. If I don’t sing, I hum. It’s like smiling. I just do it. It’s me. And I haven’t been able to sing for a week because I have a cold, and singing makes me cough. I had to drive to Eugene and back without singing a single song. It just isn’t natural. I couldn’t even sing along with Bette Midler or Elton John, which is a sure sign that something is very wrong indeed.

I feel like I’ve been someone else for a week. Someone gloomy. Someone with a song stuck in her throat. The not singing is almost as bad as the pseudo-heartsickness I was complaining about yesterday. In fact, maybe they’re related. Maybe my heart hurts not only because of the coughing causing physical pain in my chest but also because I’m not able to express my true self right now through singing which is causing me actual heartsickness.

It could happen.

Gah. It sounds like bullshit, right?

 

But I think it’s what exactly what is happening.

 

I realize that it will not be the end of the world if I can’t sing for a few more days. My heart probably won’t stop beating.

It won’t.

Right?

 
 

Keep your fingers crossed.

 

 

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