An imaginary conversation about cell phone etiquette

Oh my God, no, don’t stop. Why did you stop?

Seriously? You’re checking your phone?

What?

I’m leaving.

Wait, don’t…why?

Why? Are you fucking kidding? Do you think I’m a blow up doll and not an actual live human who might have feelings?

We’re in the middle of something.

Yeah, but apparently we’re not both in the middle of doing the same thing.

What’s that supposed to mean?

Put your fucking phone down.

Why are you so mad?

Because you are checking text messages while I suck your cock, and for some strange reason that upsets me. What the fuck is wrong with you? Who does that?

No, I wasn’t…

And now you’re lying about it.

I apologize. It’s work. It was important.

You’re busy. I know. But you aren’t a doctor on call. You aren’t waiting to hear if your client’s stay of execution has been awarded. If you are so married to work that you can’t even pretend to pay attention to me while we’re in bed, then why I am even here? Work is more important.

Please don’t cry…

Do you have any idea at all how this feels? It’s degrading. It makes me feel like I am only here to service you. I might as well have a coin slot. At least then you’d pay attention so you get your money’s worth.

That isn’t true–I love you. You know i do. I’m just really busy at work right now, and it’s invaded my personal life You know you’re important to me!

Do I? I have been trying not to complain about it. I know it’s crazy right now and I want to be here for you. But you don’t get to act like I don’t even exist without dealing with me being upset about it. If your priority is work? I can give you some additional time for it by not being here any more.

No…I do want you here. I just…

What?

I just don’t have any time for myself or anyone else.

I know. And I could be somewhere with someone who does have time for me. But you are the one I love. Even when you are being a douche.

I’m sorry, I really am..is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

Be with me when you’re with me. I’m going to go downstairs and make some tea. Wrap up your work shit and join me. If you can’t, let me go home where at least if I feel lonely and neglected it’s because I am actually alone.

I’ll be down in a few minutes.

Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t. We’ll see.







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