The Ruined Mothers

On Sunday morning, I was the last one up. Actually, I think I was the last one up every day. This is a surprise to…no one. Well, no one there had ever slept in the same house with me, so maybe they thought I would be an early riser. Who knows. On Sunday, everyone was up enjoying the day pretty early. I woke up to the sound of Kyle’s laugh drifting up through the window from the back deck where everyone was drinking coffee. I’m sure Kelly was telling a story. You know, there are a lot of worse ways to wake up than hearing people laughing while the sun streams in your window and you hear the ocean.

Some of the quotes from the weekend follow…

You need to trim the eyebrows on your boobs
–Kelly
(Not to me. Leave my boobs out of it. )

I’m a hugger, not a slugger
-Kelly

In which Kelly told us all about something called Docking which involves penises. It’s complicated. We think he made it up. I do NOT want to Google it.

If we weren’t both circumcised it would be a whole different world.
-Rocky

You need both a hoody and a woody for docking to occur.
–Kelly

I was not quite sure if it was a good or a bad thing that all of the boys are circumcised. No, I didn’t check. No, I do not have the information first-hand on all of them.

Did you see Kyle’s shaving kit? It says Dockers on it. I told you it’s for real. They even have a club shaving kit. That means he is a Docker for sure. You have to attend meetings to get the shaving kit.
–Kelly

The theme for Sunday was art and music.

The boys all have big heads. Kelly said “I totally ruined my mother.” I said “Ruined Mothers would be an excellent band name” aaaaaaand we were set for the day.

The Ruined Mothers include:
Kyle on kazoo
Rocky on drum and vocals
Kelly on kelbel, which is just like cowbell only mo’ betta.

Future Albums from the Ruined Mothers:
Self Titled
Led who? Meet the Ruined Mothers
Psycho Ceramics
Spiders and Seagulls
Shave the Shrubs
Kelly Took His Flap off (A Skort Song)

Songs. I did a bad job as a scribe after a certain point. Once Kyle and Kelly started making growlers full of gin and tonics and bringing them to our spot in the sand, it got a little fuzzy:
What Happens to B-bud.
I Can’t Believe You Fucked My Mom
With the Trunk Out
Me and You and Mom and Sue
Fuck You, Babe

I can’t wait until the first album is released.

There are going to be official t-shirts, with “Don’t even ask” on the left front, the band logo on the back, and “I am never the designated driver” above the logo, Ruined Mothers below.

The logo is a stick figure with an enormous head and x’s for eyes. We had it designed by our excellent team of graphic artists. The same ones responsible for drawing the custom art on Rocky’s tent.

More to follow on the custom art…

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