An imaginary conversation about sneaking away

It sounds like you had a good time.

We did. I did. I think we both did. As you know, I am never quite sure…

…About anything, I know. You are probably grateful I didn’t ask if you were on a date.

I am, actually, because I don’t know. I’m going to just have to start asking.

No, don’t. That would be weird.

People expect me to be weird.

And you never disappoint. Still. Don’t ask guys if you are on a date with them. They won’t like it. So then what happened?

I was starting to fall asleep, and I couldn’t stay, so I left.

By yourself?

Who would have gone with me?

You walked to your car alone? Downtown?

Yes. It was only a few blocks. It wasn’t a big deal.

He didn’t try to stop you from leaving?

Of course not. He was sleeping. I don’t think he even realized that I left.

You just snuck away without saying goodbye?

Yes. Maybe. Yes. I guess. I don’t know.

That was mean.

Why?

Not saying goodbye is rude.

Some might say that waking someone up to say goodbye is rude. Maybe we were both a little socially inadequate. He fell asleep. I left without saying goodbye. We were even. I did give him a kiss and say goodbye. It’s his problem if he was asleep at the time.

Why couldn’t you stay?

No one asked me to.

That’s dumb.

And I was wearing jeans.

Jeans? So?

I had to work in the morning, and I can’t wear jeans to work. I’d have had to get up at 5 to go home and change.

Don’t you get up at 5:30 normally anyway?

5:35.

I don’t get what the big deal was about staying there.

It wouldn’t have been a big deal. It would have been fine. It just..I don’t know. It didn’t feel right.

Don’t try to tell me you had moral qualms about it.

Of course not. I wasn’t kidding about no one asking. It felt weird to stay when I wasn’t invited.

You really think he would have objected to your staying?

Maybe.

Seriously?

I don’t think he would have said anything to me about it, no, but I felt like it would be awkward.

I think maybe you were overthinking it.

I didn’t really think about it at all, actually. I felt weird being there, so I left. If I had to guess, I would guess that he was relieved that I was gone when he woke up.

I’d be offended if you snuck out on me like that.

Awww, that’s sweet.

I bet waking up with you is fun.

No one has ever described it as fun, so you would probably lose your bet.

Are you grumpy when you wake up?

No, I don’t think so. A little quiet, maybe, until I am caffeinated. No one has ever called me grumpy.

Pretty? I bet you are pretty.

Definitely not pretty. Messy hair. No makeup. Fuzzy brain. Like most people, I guess.

It might be the only thing about you that is like most people…

Well, if we ever wake up together, bring me a cup of coffee in bed and tell me I look pretty and we’ll be friends for life.

Wow. You’re easy to please!

Not just any coffee. It needs to be good coffee.

How do you take it?

Black. No sugar.

Hard core.

You have no idea.

What a tease!

Again, you have no idea.

Hard core.

You already said that.

You can be very distracting.

And I’m not even trying right now…

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