If it’s Sunday, I probably went to a football game yesterday

You know there are some gimmes:

There were probably hijinks at the tailgater.
There were probably awesome people.
There was probably collateral liver damage.
We probably had a really great time.

OK. We did. We had a great time.

And.

And.

This is important: i wore a white shirt to the game, and when I got home it was still white. There were no stains on it at all.

It’s a tailgating miracle!

Seriously. I am incapable of wearing white. If I do, I don’t even make it out of the house without spilling coffee on my shirt.

There were an unusually high number of pictures I have been forbidden to post. Interestingly, those picture were mostly taken while people were sober. Sober-ish. So, no pictures of nudity or tongues will be on the blog. Yes.. It’s a sad lack.

What is even sadder is that I kept my tongue to myself completely.

Aside from that,though, it was a very good day with very good people.

Damn. I left my cookies in Ken’s truck. I will never see them again, will I?

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An imaginary conversation about imaginary football boyfriends

You know what?

No.

Do you want to?

Sure.

You don’t sound very enthusiastic about it!

Maybe I will warm up as the conversation progresses.

No pressure.

None.

OK.

So are you going to tell me?

What?

The thing you were starting to say.

Right. What was it?

Uh…

It’s not like it was a show stopper.

OK.

I was just wondering about something.

Should I be worried?

About what I might say? Always.

About whatever particular thing is on your beautiful mind right this minute?

You don’t ever worry about anything.

I try not to.

It kind of pisses me off. It would be more flattering if you worried sometimes.

Noted.

Creep.

Sorry.

That you’re a creep?

Do you really think I am a creep?

Are you worried about it?

Sigh.

What?

You are a very odd woman.

Thanks.

See? Most people don’t think that’s a compliment.

You didn’t mean it in a nice way? You sounded sort of admiring and impressed.

Right. Impressed. Exactly. I do like almost everything about you…

What don’t you like?

Never mind that. You had something to say which I am sure was very important.

Way to deflect!

How ’bout those Ducks!?

Oh! That’s what I was going to tell you!

What?

Devon Allen knows how to wiggle his ears.

The wide receiver?

Uh huh. He’s adorable, fast, can jump hurdles, catch a football AND wiggle his ears. He is definitely in the running to be my imaginary football boyfriend this year.

Good to know.

Well, since I don’t have a real boyfriend, I might be spending more time than usual on the selection.

I didn’t realize this was something that was important to you.

It is.

What does the position entail?

For the imaginary boyfriend?

Yeah.

Nothing. I might wear a jersey with his number on it. Mostly I cheer for them and refer to them as my imaginary football boyfriend at tailgaters.

I see. You don’t meet them and have a secret handshake or anything.

No, I wish! That would be cool. It’s all currently strictly imaginary.

Who else is in the running?

Chance Allen. I might pick both of the Allens.

Who else?

The other option is the offensive line.

All of them?

They never get any love, and I like Mooses as much as anyone.

When will you decide?

I need to decide before the first game!

Well. Get some rest. You don’t want to make such an important decision of you aren’t well rested.

Thanks for understanding.

You’re welcome.

Why are you shaking your head?

Go Ducks!

Fairly civil war

And on Friday, there was once again football.

I have already established how I feel about football not being played on the designated day for it: Saturday.
That being said, it was the last tailgater of the season. Last chance to see the tailgate gang until next year.
I’ll have a little more free time on weekends. A little more rest for my liver, which will be very thankful for it.
A little less time with my folks, Ken and Nicole.

Someday I will figure out a way to get Ken and Nic to come to Portland…

As usual, there were smiles, laughter, drunken Gummi bears. Yes, because we are all 12 on the inside. No, the smiles and laughter are not entirely because of the drunken Gummi bears. We all actually like each other enough to smile and laugh even when we are sober.

Talk about things to be grateful for…

Akeem Gonzales, one of the Beaver players (firmly on the bench) blew a kiss at me at the end of the game when his team went ahead. So that was flattering. He sure did a lot of pelvic gyrations while he was standing on the bench.

Here are the tailgating shots:

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We won’t talk about how bad the game was. We won. That’s the good part.
Do you suppose other women my age post this many pictures involving drinking?
Don’t answer that.

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