Author: Michelle

There are not a lot of things that I am not willing to write about, but there are a few. It’s a personal blog, I write about personal thoughts. Some of it is uncomfortable for me, maybe also for people I refer to. I try to be respectful of people’s feelings, but..well..it’s about me and my feelings. Some of those feelings are about y’all.

If I don’t write honestly about how I think and feel, if I hold back too much out of fear of offending someone, then it gets a little blurry around the edges.

I can only think of one time when someone was shaken up enough about something I posted that he asked me to alter it. The change was a small one, and it didn’t impact the overall intent of the post and I was happy to make the change. He would have preferred that it not be written at all, but he knew he couldn’t really ask me to take it down.

There’s a bit of a balance between privacy and emotional honesty and I don’t always hit the mark. I’m a wonder-er aloud, not a writer. I’m figuring it out as I go. I’ve opted not to have a theme for my posts. They’re a bit random. Nothing that requires research. I’m definitely not a journalist. When I delve into topics like politics, it is most definitely pure semi-educated opinion.

And rambling. Lots of rambling.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that the honesty has to be applied to myself, too. If I am honest, that inspection and introspection have to be aimed inwardly as well as outwardly. My actions count too. Of course, I don’t always know how my actions impact other people unless they tell me.

I’ve written about online dating, dreams, black angels, issues interacting with people, isolation, depression and masturbation.

I haven’t written very much about my weight. It’s been around the edges of some posts. I try to keep it at the edges of everything, but it’s difficult sometimes. Particularly right now, since I am considering a major step–bariatric surgery– and I need to decide how and if I want to post about it. You may have noticed that I am fat. I would like to be less fat in the future.

Why not write about it, just like I write about everything else? Because it’s just fucking boring. I do not want to turn this into a weight loss blog. No one wants to read how many calories I ate, or if I hit my 10,000 steps for the day. It’s too boring to write about. Still, this will have a big impact on my life, so it’s going to come out.

And it will have an impact not only on my body, but also on my emotions. So it seems like something I cannot avoid discussing if I want to maintain any sort of semblance of honesty.

I won’t be able to have car bombs anymore—people are bound to notice! So consider yourselves warned.

What do I think the challenges will be? Wild guess?

Dealing with people who say things that start with “why don’t you just…” without poking them in the eye with a fork.

Dealing with my own embarrassment about having to resort to surgery instead of exercise and eating sensibly.

Dealing with a lifetime of not being able to eat the way I do now, and with the fact that the way I eat now is why I am in this fix in the first place.

Struggling not to kill people who offer me potato chips.

Struggling not to kill Stephen when he reminds me to eat slowly.

Remembering to be nice to myself.

Oh, and remembering my mantra from fat camp: give yourself a fucking break.

Did I mention I won’t be able to drink alcohol for several months, and that even then I will be so sensitive to the effects that I might never drink much again?

Well. This should be a fun process. I hope you all like me sober!

I read the news today, oh boy

–the Beatles

For those of us who are somewhere on the left wing to moderate scale of the political spectrum, it has been a tough year. The behavioral health folks say that they are seeing far more people reporting political-based stress, anxiety and depression than ever before. People are jittery about the economy, about Civil Rights, about..you name it.

We all know why that is, but you know what? I don’t want to talk about that today. I want to talk about the good stuff.

Yes, the good stuff. You know that good stuff is out there, right? It is! You just have to look under the rug a bit.

Fine. I’ll start.

• Newspaper subscriptions are up. Way up. Most people really do know that they can’t get all of their news from Twitter and Facebook, and subscriptions to our major newspapers are still going up.
• Donations to groups that fight injustice are up. The ACLU, Southern Poverty Law Center, and a host of other new organizations like Indivisible are not only doing stellar work in keeping us informed about the state of our nation, but also fighting to keep it free in the face of increasing obstacles. Many Americans have been willing to put their money where their mouths are.
• Ditto for organizations which support reproductive freedom and women’s health. NARAL and Planned Parenthood in particular. Tell them Mike Pence sent you for an extra zing of pleasure with each donation.
• People are being continually reminded about the importance of staying in touch with their elected officials. Americans are waking up and letting their congressional representatives know what they think.
• There are new, simple, clever ways to make your desires known in Washington. Resistbot is my personal favorite. It will automatically fax your Congressional representative, Senators, Governor etc and all via text. It makes it simple to stay involved!
• The same thing applies to grassroots organizing. For instance, there are already demonstrations pre-planned in the event of certain events. If Mueller gets fired, people are already ready to take to the streets
• People of all ages are gathering to demonstrate their unity. The Women’s March. Demonstrations in every major airport about the mis-guided and unconstitutional Muslim ban. People are paying attention again.
• In spite of challenges in civility and tone, people are talking about difficult subjects. Most people do want to understand. Race. Politics. Religion. Sexism. Are those discussions getting us anywhere? Not yet, or only incrementally, but we seem to collectively realize that racism is not over just because we’ve had one black president. Women are not equal in politics or in the workplace yet. People are talking about that again. It’s hard. People are angry on both sides, but we are still trying.

What has been your favorite bit of good news this year?