Actual conversation at work

Me: if I get hit by a bus, please note that the urgent ticket is taken care of.

Co-worker: that seems unlikely, since we’re in the middle of the basement. Maybe a bus being transported by air could crash through the atrium.

Me: hmmm. It’s more likely that a helicopter would crash through the atrium and decapitate me.

Co-worker: that’s a way more rational scenario.

Other co-workers all nod in agreement.

Do you (re)read me?

 

I’m writing ’bout the
Book I read
I have to sing about the
Book I read
I’m embarrassed to admit it hit the soft spot in my heart
When I found out you wrote the
Book I read

–Talking Heads/The Book I Read

 

What does a person do when she’s trying to save up all of her unread books for her vacation? She rereads old favorites. In my case, that means it’s Jane Austen Fest here in Tigard.

To be honest, I’m a year round re-reader. If I like a book, there’s a good chance I will read it at least twice. If I love it, the number goes up to infinity. I like to blame my mother for reading the same books to me over and over as a child. I’m sure no one else’s mothers ever did that. Actually, it’s because I read so quickly the first time it’s only a little more than a skim for story and flavor. I slow down for stuff that’s more content rich, or for non-fiction but I really read a book seriously when I read it the second time. If I love it when I read it the second time, it will go on the infinite read loop.

I’ll pull “Emma” off the shelf for the zillionth time(it’s a virtual shelf at this point) just to read what Knightley says to her when he finally confesses his love, and then go back to the beginning and read it all again. And again. Even after multiple re-readings, I’m happy when they end up together in the end,

People wonder if knowing the ending ruins the book for me, and it doesn’t a bit.I cry when beloved characters die, and laugh when they say something funny–even when I know it’s coming.

After multiple readings, the characters in my favorite books might as well be family.

Family I’ve picked for myself who never complain when I ignore them for years at a time.

 

Additional note: I don’t mind book or movie spoilers, either. I’m sure there have been studies done on those who hate spoilers and those who don’t mind or like them. They should add that to standard personality tests.

 

 

Inside Michelle’s brain, episode 1

This is an actual conversation that took place inside of my head. It’s a scary place. Dark and full of cobwebs. I’d advise you not to look in there. Once you see it, it can’t ever be unseen.

It’s 21:00 hours, and it’s hot. About 81 outside, and about 83 inside. As a native Oregonian of the Willamette Valley, I do not take kindly to hot weather. Just now I  opened the windows and thought:

“Men are really lucky they don’t have boobs.  Boobs are sweaty when it’s this hot out. Ick.”

…. a few seconds went by….

“Well, but men do have scrotums. That’s probably worse.  I definitely wouldn’t want to have a scrotum when it’s this hot.

I wonder if scrotums get hotter than boobs.

I’ll have to check on that later.”

 

Yeah.

Still waters.