Note To Self: Breathing Is Mandatory

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don’t believe in
–the Script


The barely breathing is my own damn fault, but it’s kind of a flawed design in my opinion. It’s easy enough to breath IN, but nothing really prompts you to breath back out again.

It makes for a cranky day when I forget. Just ask the people I work with.



Actually, don’t.

Who Cares? I Do. Do I?

If it came to pass that they should ask,
What could I tell them?
Would they criticize behind my back?
Maybe I should let them.



Or maybe I will just hope they never ask.

Ask what?

Oh, I don’t know.











Red Shoe Diary

Oh I used to be disgusted
Now I try to be amused.

— Elvis (the One True Elvis) Costello


Some of us have a special talent for being disgusted and/or amused by  Life, the Universe and Everything. (Oh, why’s that?)

I have both talents.

While I could really do without the former,  the latter is a real gift. It is, however, a gift that requires some (wait for it) balance.

Fucking balance. It’s everywhere.


I am not one of those people who is magically endowed with an eternally pleasant disposition who smiles beneficently on the world from my happy palace full of sparkly unicorns.  (Shut up)

I am one of those people who has a naturally smiling but sarcastic disposition who is constantly challenged by things like:

1. Thinking most other people might be stupid (well…you know…if the red shoe fits)

2. Keeping both sarcasm and irony in check because a lot of people appear to be missing those essential genes (see #1?)

3. profanity.  No, actually I believe that profanity is one of Life’s Best Things. I am not challenged by anything but increasing my use of it.

4. Bite me.

5. Not letting a little natural sarcasm (which is Right and Good) become a black hole of hatefulness. Staying out of it is hard. Simple, but difficult.


How do I do this?

If I only knew.

There are a lot of cliches involved.

Mostly, it’s just trying to be aware.

Often, I am not successful.

Sometimes, I am.


Being amused is a different challenge. Mostly, being amused is a good thing, right?

Well, yeah. But.

(There’s always a but)

There’s a point at which being amused by Life in a good way becomes mocking everything.

So, the challenge balancing amusement and laughter with mockery is to take Life seriously.

No, really.


Life is a born comic.

C’mon. Look how we come into the world. It’s funny. There are both penises and vaginas involved. It’s also a total miracle.

Is there anything more inherently absurd than a penis? No. (OK, elephant’s trunk.)

Is there anything more amazing than being born and being alive? No.

You can laugh at one, but you’ve got to treat the other with at least a little gravitas.




Make sure you laugh with it, not at it.

Uh. I guess.


I have no clue.