An imaginary conversation about skeleton dogs

You’ll never believe what I saw on my way home from work today!

What?

A monster skeleton dog!

A monster skeleton dog?

Yeah! In the sky!

In the sky.

Yes.

Um.

It was a cloud!

Ahhhh.

What?

Another person might have lead with that.

What, that it was a cloud?

Uh-huh.

But when I saw it, my first impression was that it was a giant monster skeleton dog.

Of course it was.

You lack imagination.

Did you get a picture?

No.

No? You have pictures of every other cloud you’ve ever seen…but no skeleton dog?

Monster skeleton dog.

Right.

No, you told me not to take pictures of monster skeleton dogs anymore.

I’m pretty sure I did not ever say anything even remotely like that.

You told me not to take pictures while driving anymore.

Yes, I can see how  you’d interpret that as “don’t take pictures of monster skeleton dogs anymore.”

Oh, good.

You’re usually better at picking up sarcasm than that.

I was politely choosing not to hear it.

You’re a nice woman.

I know.

Seriously, though…

Yes?

You saw a skeleton dog cloud in the sky, and you expect me to believe that you  didn’t take a picture?

Not a good one.

That’s more like it.

Well, it was a giant monster skeleton dog after all. I had to take a picture, but I waited until I was stopped at a light and couldn’t see anything but the ribs.

You can’t have pictures of every cloud.

I know, but…

Right.

Actually, now that I think about it it was really more like the starving dog on the cover of Diamond Dogs.

Not a skeleton?

A very, very skinny dog. Still, kind of monstery. And quit shaking your head.

I can’t help it.

You’re lucky to have someone in your life as interesting as I am.

That is definitely one way to see it.

You don’t think you’re lucky?

Very, but not because you see emaciated David Bowie cloud dogs in the sky.

Why?

Because there is no one else like you.

In a good way?

Mostly.

I am unsatisfied with that response.

 

No one’s perfect, but you are pretty damn great.

That response was excellent. You are good at placating me when you work at it.

You make it easy.

 

 

 

 

Holy shit moments

Have you ever seen or heard something something so staggeringly gorgeous that it made you say “holy shit?”
We should all try to be open to those moments. Sunsets. Waves crashing. Snowfall.

On my way to Mom’s from the coast the other day, I stopped a few times between Depoe Bay and Newport to look at the waves and to take a few pictures of the sunny morning. Coming through the hills between Newport and Philomath there’s a spot that was clear cut a decade or so ago. Hills and valleys. The sun was streaming over the hills, lighting up the trees and last of the low hanging morning fog. Making the water slick black rock towering over the road glow.

Holy shit. Beautiful.

Some people want to get where they are going as quickly as possible. I have the opposite approach on a road trip: get there in a way that gets me the most “holy shit” moments. I am infamous for stopping at every scenic viewpoint. Pulling over to take pictures. Taking pictures from in the car. Saying “wow” a lot.

I have more pictures of dramatic cloud formations, sunbeams and rainbows than anyone you know.

My approach to a long drive annoys some people. Those are not my people.

My people are the ones who say “did you see that?” and “let’s leave early so we can stop a few times on the way.”

The ones who will pull over to watch the sun go down just to try to see the green flash.

The ones who make room for those holy shit moments.

Enjoy life.

All I want for Christmas is no more Nazis

Blatantly stolen from a Facebook rant I posted last year. It applies even more now!

What do I want for my birthday and Christmas? Thanks for asking.

1. I would like for the media to stop referring to the Alt-Right as such. They are more appropriately called Fascists, White Supremacists or Neo-Nazis. The Nazi salute is an important clue, as are their racist slogans. Cut the soft talk, and call them by their real name.

2. I would also like for an immediate halt to referring to any Neo-Nazi as “dapper,” “urbane,” “alt-right intellectual” or any other such normalizing terms. The original Nazis looked really snazzy, but let’s not be misled by their swell suits and treat them with respect and authority that they do not deserve.

3. I would like to ratchet down on the level of respect accorded to anyone espousing White Supremacist views. Where are the hard questions, journalists? Do we all need to act like this is a Schweddy Balls sketch? Show some energy and determination!

4. In support of the items above, I would like for anyone who was thinking of buying me a gift to consider subscribing to a real live newspaper. One with actual journalists working at it. We need a tough media now more than ever.

5. A lovely card is always appropriate, particularly if it mentions a donation to the ACLU, SPLC or any other freedom fighting group close to my heart.

6. More than anything, I would like to see the party of Lincoln stand up and start screaming that this is not what they represent in any way, shape or form. There are good Republicans, and I want to fucking start hearing them protesting the authoritarian direction the president elect is trying to take us. Thanks to John McCain for starting it rolling with a statement against torture. Mitt Romney, we all saw you skulking out of Trump Tower. Is this your vision of America? I don’t think so. You’re a good man, start acting like America is more important than a job.

SIde note: no, I will not be stopping any time soon. Like Indiana Jones, I fucking hate Nazis.