Category: Random thoughts

So, I have a bicycle. A nice one, even. A Trek. It’s a girl bike. Black, with pretty scroll work on it. A pannier for carrying all my stuff. A bell. Lots of gears. Nice cushy handlebar grips. A comfortable saddle. It’s set up so it doesn’t hurt to ride it. 

I’ve ridden it about five times in all the years I have had it. 

Why?

I have no idea. I enjoyed it when I did ride it. I just never got into it. 

The other day, I pumped up the tires and cleaned it. Not for any particular reason. I happened to mention it to a guy on OKCupid who had messaged me, along with the fact that I’d never really learned how to shift it and stuff, and he said “now that it’s clean, do you want to ride it tomorrow?”

Without thinking about it, I agreed. 

Then I realized that I was insane, but I didn’t call it off. 

It was fun. Except for the part where I crashed in the parking lot because I couldn’t get my foot out of the toe clip. I think maybe I will not feel so good tomorrow. There are bruises popping up in some interesting places on my body. 

He turned out to be a nice guy. Smart, funny and way too athletic for me.  I think I need to see if my tall, thin, hiking/biking/running/paddling friend would like him. He thinks running shoes are sexy!

So what do I do with my days, he asked.
I put my Internet devices away so I am not distracted.
I decide to watch a movie.
In the movie, there is a song playing in the background.
The song is completely unimportant to the plot of the movie.
I almost but not quite recognize it.
I start humming along, but most of the words escape me.
The song has long since stopped playing in the movie.
I stop paying attention to the movie.
I will die if I can’t figure out what the fucking song is.
I want to figure it out myself like I would have before the Internet.
i don’t want to skip to the credits.
i want to know now.
I think I remember hearing someone performing it at the Lane County Fair when I was a kid.
It was not the same artist that performed it in the movie.
I hum and sing.
I ask the cat if he knows.
I turn the movie off and make tea.
I wander around the house.
I swear.
I kick a cat toy.
I go and get my phone and type the snippet of a lyric that i caught into Google.
OK then.
Tom T. Hall.
Really?
“I love,” aka the little baby duck song.
The version in the movie was done by Jason Mraz
I drink the tea.
I turn the movie back on.

That is what I do with my days.
Then I write it all down.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=65AuuFpNFxY

The moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down. 
–Alanis Morrissette/Thank U

Someone chastised me recently for focusing too much on the things that are wrong about my life instead of the stuff that is wonderful.   My rationalization, of course, is that I *do* focus on the good stuff in real life, but I tend not to write about it as much. The good stuff is working, I don’t need to write about it to figure it out.

Still. He is right. I am overdue for an acknowledgement of the awesome.

The purple rhodedendron in my back yard is looking gorgeous right now.

The lawn is very green.

My friends continue to be the the best people in the world.

I have had several really intense, meaningful conversations with people in the last few weeks.

I’m halfway through reading a book that someone suggested because it reminded him of me…and I can actually see why. How often does that happen??

I made a particularly good batch of cold extract coffee, and I am drinking a cup of it right now, and staring out at the drizzy day recognizing that the universe has just given me an excuse to read another book. 

Tomorrow I am going to meet someone I’ve been looking forward to meeting for some time now, so I have all that lovely anticipation energy going. 

The cat has finally quit scratching at the bedroom door in the middle of the night.

My elbow feels a little better.

My kitchen is a disaster area, but I don’t care because there are roses blooming outside the kitchen window. 

It is almost Summer. The days are getting longer. The grills are coming out. I can hear lawn mowers on Saturday mornings again. The smell of cut grass.

I have a lawn service, so I am not cutting my own grass.

The smell of charcoal in the evening.

Over all?

Blue skies, gray skies, rain and sun,  my friends and family, connections, people, people, people, water and mountains, laughter and tears, music and silence. 

The world exactly as it is.