Robin Williams, Lauren Bacall…and Farhad

The recent deaths of Lauren Bacall and Robin Williams have me thinking about death a little more than usual. I think about death a lot anyway, so it’s not like I am out of my comfort zone there.

While I am a fan of both performers, I did not know either of them personally. Their deaths are passingly sad to me, but won’t make much of a dent in my life.

Williams’ suicide in particular seems to have hit people hard. Is it because he was so beloved by children who grew up with Mrs. Doubtfire and the Genie?

Because someone who dedicated his life to making the world laugh committed suicide?

I don’t really understand it, but grief is grief. I am sure I will need a lot of compassion when either Elton John or Elvis Costello die. A lot of people probably won’t understand the depth of my feelings either, but everyone feels what they feel or don’t feel in their own way. Grief is something that deserves compassion, always, even if you don’t feel it yourself.

Maybe especially if you don’t.

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This was all just dumped totally on end for me as I learned of the death of an old friend who committed suicide in Bend over the weekend. I haven’t seen him for a very long time, but he was one of those people who always made me smile when I thought of him.

Farhad was a natural born host. He hated to see an empty plate or glass, and they never stayed empty for long if he had anything to say about it. He was someone who loved to laugh, and see people around him having a good time. He was a good humored cheater at every sort of game. He was always a lot of fun to be around, and people always liked him.

But you never know what sort of burden people are carrying around on the inside. I don’t know what led Freddy to end his life, but I do know this:

Farhad was not a coward.
Farhad knew he was loved, and he loved his family and friends very much.
Farhad would never, ever want to hurt anyone.

Depression lies. It lies and it tells you that it will be better for everyone if you are not there any more. For whatever reason, the pain or sadness that he was carrying inside of him got bigger than the love of his friends and family and he couldn’t stay with them any longer.

Depression is very convincing. If you have never heard the stories that Depression tells you, it can be hard to understand how seductive they are. If you are lucky, there is enough of your right mind still there to convince you that Depression might be wrong. Or at least that you should wait a little bit.

On Saturday night, Farhad listened to the lie.

If you hear about someone like Freddy, please take a moment to send your thoughts out to their family and friends who are grieving. Stop and think before posting a critical comment about their death in a news story or in social media. Try to make things better rather than worse. Consider the impact of your post on the people who are now missing someone they loved. Imagine how you would feel if someone said something unkind about someone you loved who just died.

It doesn’t take any longer to say something kind than something hurtful, and it takes even less time to say nothing at all.

It won’t hurt anything if a cruel thought goes unsaid.

Be kind to each other. Make sure the people you love know how you feel. Things can end so unexpectedly. One minute, a person is alive and the next they are gone.

If people are important to you, make sure they know it. You really might not ever have a chance to tell them again.

If there is an afterlife, Freddy, I am sure you have already got your family and friends together having cocktails or tea and playing backgammon. You are probably already cheating like crazy, and grinning when you get caught.

Rest in peace.

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