I think I broke my ribs at the gym last night.
You did not break your ribs.
Google disagrees.
While you’re Googling, you should look up the symptoms of hypochondria.
OK. Wait, what? I am not a hypochondriac!
Yes. You are most definitely a hypochondriac.
No.
Do you want me to read the definition to you?
No, I can read it myself.
You probably should.
OK. Fine. I am kind of a hypochondriac.
Kind of?
A lot.
You have a different imaginary illness every week.
Some of them are real.
One. One of them was real, but your overall stats are pretty bad.
Everyone says that.
Why do you think that is?
Because I always think that everything I notice about my body is some sort of illness.
You’re so dramatic.
Always have been.
At least you’re getting better at sarcasm.
Are you being serious right now?
Well, I thought you were getting better at it…