An imaginary conversation about faith, hope and trust

I saw this meme on Facebook the other day that has me a little worried.

Only you would worry about a meme.

It isn’t the meme so much as the message.

I’m sure it was very profound.

Are you going to just fling sarcasm at me, or maybe try listening?

Oh! You mean you actually are worried?

Do you have any idea how much I would like to punch you in the face right now?

I’m sorry. I will listen as much as my worry about potential violence permits.

Thanks.

What did the meme say?

It was a list of things that are relationship killers, and I think both of us may be afflicted with all of them.

It’s a good thing you aren’t in a relationship.

Did you wake up on the “I’m a douchebag” side of the bed this morning?

Sorry. Apparently I did. You aren’t the only one who has noticed.

Don’t take it out on me. I am not in the mood.

I will try.

Thanks. Anyway, you aren’t in a relationship either. Or so you have not said.

So…the relationship killers are what?

Insecurity, jealousy, assumptions, trust issues and lack of communication. Recognize anyone?

You?

Well, I was thinking of you, but whatever.

You think I am insecure?

Also jealous, lacking in trust and not so talented at communicating.

Glad you think I have so many good points.

I do think you have a lot of good points. If you weren’t so insecure you would remember that I mentioned several of them to you the other day.

Ouch.
I am not insecure though. Not at all.

Calling bullshit on that. You are terrifically insecure, but you mask it with almost unbearable cockiness. At least I have the guts to be openly insecure.

Competitive insecurity. Nice.
I do admit to being jealous sometimes.

But not to trust issues or poor communication?

OK. Yes. Both.
Are you really worried about this shit?

You don’t think it is a problem if we have a hard time trusting each other?

I trust you. It isn’t mutual?

We have talked about it before. You typically are less than open most of the time. You let me find things out accidentally that it would be better to find out directly from you. The lack of communication leads me to make assumptions and stop trusting you. One thing fuels another.

That is probably true.

And?

And I do the best I can.
Don’t look at me like that–I do!

I know. I am not sure it’s enough.

Up to you.

I know. I can only change my own side and hope for it to get better.

Faith. You need to have faith.

Which is a challenge when things keep happening that undermine it.

Faith.

Talk to me.

Stop banging your head on the counter. Whimpering won’t solve anything.
You know my intentions are not bad.

Do I? By osmosis?
Is it enough for your intentions to not be bad? I think I might need them to be more actively good.

Faith.

Trying.
It is wearing thin. Do they make a patch for it?
What happens when it’s gone?

It won’t be.

Singing

You know what?

I sing all the time. I always have. One of my first memories is of my Grandmother complaining to my mother that although I had a very nice singing voice, it was not appropriate for a 4 year old to since songs from the musical Hair. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t sing and read.

If I went to church, it was mostly because of the choir.

In elementary school, we had an amazing music teacher. Our choir made records. I was in a group that performed all over town. We did musical plays.

It was important to me, but I never really thought of myself as a musician because I don’t play an instrument well.

As an adult, I didn’t have an outlet for it. I sing in the car. At home. On walks. Any time no one else is in the house, I am singing, but not in an organized way. Aside from one bad experience, never with a band. I didn’t realize that I even missed it. A few weeks ago I sang with another friend but it was a little intimidating.

I had one very negative experience singing with a band as an adult, so I really shied away from singing in public.

Tonight a friend came over and we sang. He played his ukulele. I just sang. He figured out chords. I songbirded. For some reason I wasn’t a bit self conscious about it. We ate pizza and drank beer and sang some more.

I had the best time.

So…

I sing every day. Every day. Why did it feel so good to sing with Paddy?

There is just something about being able to sing and know that someone is hearing your voice. And it’s good. The feeling, I mean. My voice is fine, but the feeling I get from sharing my voice is something I didn’t even realize I had missed.

Thanks, Paddy.

An imaginary conversation about seeing things differently

Don’t you ever wonder about how we see things?

Philosophically?

No, literally.

With our eyes?

No. Well, yes. There are obviously scientific facts about things we see. Colors come from the way the light waves bounce or something like that, and those things are quantifiable, right?

I guess. Science isn’t my forte.

Mine either, but objects do exist and have dimensions and physical attributes, yes?

True.

But our own individual physicality varies slightly.

More than slightly.

I am just talking about the size and shape of our eyes, maybe how speedy our nerves are, that kind of stuff. If humans really share 98% of our DNA with chimps, I am going to stick with “slightly.”

Good point.

Thanks.
So anyway, if I remember correctly, we see because of light bounces off of objects, hitting the rods and cones in our eyes in a certain way and it bounces around in there and eventually the optical nerve transmits the image to our brain which interprets it.

And?

Well, take “red” for instance.

OK. I like red.

Me too. Particularly red shoes.

Who doesn’t?

Exactly. But do we all see red the same way? I mean, there’s a measurable, reproducible spectrum or wavelength of light that makes red…but how do we know that your rods and cones bounce it around your eyeballs and send it to your brain so it looks the same as my red?

Sure it does. If we had to pick it off of a chart, we’d both pick the same one, wouldn’t we?

Because the actual real color is scientific. But is what we see inside our heads the same?

Isn’t it?

I don’t think it is, because it gets sent to our brains and our brains interpret things differently. Look at eye witness testimony. People can see the same event and come up with totally different versions of the same event even if they are coached to watch carefully and remember.

So? Isn’t that different than the actual scientific fact of seeing a color?

Yes, but if we our brains do interpret something as basic as a color differently, what else is different? It just makes me wonder.

Everything makes you wonder.

True enough.

What does it make you wonder about?

It makes me wonder what else there is that we think of as objective that is really subjective? Or maybe not subjective but..individual?

Like what?

Music? Do we hear the same things? Taste the same things?

Does it matter?

I guess not, but it makes me wonder.
I also wonder why it is that water from a tiny little hole in the roof can let so much water in, but rain doesn’t come down the great big hole known as the chimney.

You’re wonder-ful.

Thanks.

No, I mean that you wonder a…uh..I can’t take that back or clarify it without coming across as a dick can I?

Absolutely not.

It doesn’t matter.
You are both wonderful and wondering. I don’t need to retract it.