Michelle's House of Horrors

Is it any wonder I reject you first?
Fame, fame, fame, fame
Is it any wonder, you are too cool to fool.

–David Bowie/Fame

 

Ah, rejection.

So much human behavior is driven by a fear of it,

or because of receiving it.

 

Most of the time rejection sucks.

Sometimes it’s kind of a relief.

Sometimes it is good for you.

 

Like a lot of things, how we react to rejection is a big part of how well we overcome it.

Do we just give up, or do we keep trying?

Do we keep trying the same thing, or do we try something new?

 

Edison was fired from his first few jobs for being unproductive. I hear he overcame that early rejection and  invented some cool stuff later. Edison had the right sort of persistence: he not only kept trying through multiple failures, but kept trying new things.  I am unlike Edison in almost every possible way. (Unlike Edison as a band name? Maybe) I am a wimp about any form of rejection,even the mere possibility of it. Obviously, worrying about rejection that may or may not ever even happen is…sigh…yeah. Just dumb. I know, I know. Working on it. I’d figure out how many things I’ve not done or said in my life out of a fear of rejection but that would be even stupider than having worried about the rejection in the first place. And I hate math. (As well as punctuation, apparently…and when did I start misusing parentheses like this?!?)

 

On the other hand, it’s not good to totally ignore rejection, either. For instance, if you are eternally shot down for the same stupid line you use to pick up women in a bar…well…maybe you should take the rejection under advisement and figure out what it is that we find so objectionable. Is it you personally, or your corny line? Or both? (Taking a moment to give thanks for no longer being of an age and level of attractiveness that makes me a target for these guys)

 

Personal rejection is difficult for me in particular.  Are you a relative who told me that I’m lazy and stupid and will never be able to hold down a job? Yeah. I probably remember that. It motivates me in some ways, and just bugs the crap out of me in others. I can’t really argue with the part about being lazy, because I am.

 

On the plus side, I do get over rejection fairly quickly if it is professional or academic. I find it mildly annoying, if I think I’m right, to have an idea rejected. If I am wrong, I can mostly acknowledge it. Mostly. I don’t enjoy having an idea rejected because it is incorrect, but I do have to admit that I am not always right. And I can practically hear the sniggering! I don’t like to admit I’m wrong, but it does happen.

 

Do I have a point about this? Not really.

 

Just thinking out loud.

 

It would be out loud if you could hear me typing–I’m an assertive typer.

 

 

 

 

“What’s your name,’ Coraline asked the cat. ‘Look, I’m Coraline. Okay?’
‘Cats don’t have names,’ it said.
‘No?’ said Coraline.
‘No,’ said the cat. ‘Now you people have names. That’s because you don’t know who you are. We know who we are, so we don’t need names.”
–Neil Gaiman/Coraline

 

Who are you?
Who, who, who, who
–the Who

 

We’re Nature’s librarians, we humans. We love to catalog ourselves and each other. Politics, religion, height, weight, skin color, gender…you name it and we stick a label on it. How many of the labels are important for how we really identify ourselves? I’m fond of some of mine–I’d hate to give up “smart” or “funny” for instance–but don’t really care about most of them. If any of you would like my “short” or “fat” you are welcome to them!

 

While we’re very good at labeling, many of us are not so good at figuring out who we really are outside of the labels. OK, me. I’m not good at it. I’m sure everyone else has it all down. Not me.

 

Which brings me to the thing so many Americans find  crucial to their identities: their job. Every year in elementary school they would make us answer that dreaded question. You know the one: what do you want to be when you grow up?

 

An artist? A writer? A judge? A brain surgeon? An astronaut? An acrobat? If you could be anything in the world, what is your dream?

I DON’T KNOW LEAVE ME ALONE I’M ONLY 6!!!

I’ve never really had that..one thing…the dream. It’s something I envy in people who do have it.

 

All of the personality/aptitude tests I’ve ever taken have declared that I should be a writer or judge.

I do like to write, but not enough that I’d want to do it on a regular basis. Yes, I do realize that I’m writing right now. Thank you for the reminder. Sometimes I forget.

 

Being a judge is something I feel more inclined towards. I love to judge people. Oh. Right. That’s being judgmental and I’m not supposed to do that at all. Why not? I’m really, really good at it!

 

I am such a dilettante, though. I am immediately “pretty good” at almost everything i try to do. Not prodigy material (except in being judgmental), but I’m talented at a lot of different things, especially if they’re creative. I can draw pretty well. I can sing pretty well. I can write pretty well. I tend to pick up musical instruments quickly and get pretty good at them. I’d be very good at a lot of things if I chose to work hard at them, but what I’m best at is lounging. World fucking class. You have never met a better lounger than me. Ever.

 

Which has nothing to do with who I am, does it?

Who I am not is the sum of my labels.

 

I have figured out that although having a job is important for many reasons, it isn’t who I am. You may not agree. A lot of people do identify with their work.

Which doesn’t really tell you who I am.

 

 

I also figured out that I could avoid growing up at all.

I know, and like a cat I’m not telling.

 

 

 

Meow.