{"id":10222,"date":"2015-06-22T05:00:05","date_gmt":"2015-06-22T12:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=10222"},"modified":"2018-04-09T19:28:14","modified_gmt":"2018-04-10T02:28:14","slug":"an-imaginary-conversation-about-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=10222","title":{"rendered":"An imaginary conversation about children and commitment\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"

Before we do this, we should have a talk about whether or not we are ready for this level of commitment. <\/p>\n

Well, for one thing, we may have to buy medicine for them. We should really split that cost. <\/p>\n

I’m on disability, girlfriend. I can’t afford that. <\/p>\n

We’re creating new lives, we have to be responsible about it. We can’t just let them get sick!<\/p>\n

Maybe we should sleep on it. <\/p>\n

You should have thought if that before you brought me a bag of freeze dried children. <\/p>\n

You haven’t reconstituted them yet?<\/p>\n

No, you have to let the water sit for 24 hours with the purifying powder in it. Didn’t you research this before giving them to me?<\/p>\n

No, I thought you just dumped them in the water. <\/p>\n

There’s a process. The eggs go into the water tomorrow. <\/p>\n

Unless we change our minds. <\/p>\n

Well, if you think it’s too much shared responsibility this early in our relationship. <\/p>\n

Pets are a big step. <\/p>\n

It was your idea!<\/p>\n

I know. I think it will be OK.  We’re both relatively…<\/p>\n

Do NOT say mature. <\/p>\n

No. Hell no. I was going to say responsible and loving. <\/p>\n

Oh.  Well yeah.  But NOT mature. <\/p>\n

No way. <\/p>\n

Have you seen the price list for parts and accessories?<\/p>\n

Parts and accessories?<\/p>\n

Yeah. For instance, I am a little put out that you didn’t get me the Executive Sea Monkey kit. <\/p>\n

I had no idea such a thing existed. <\/p>\n

I’ll email you the list. Do you want to get a Sea Monkey diploma?<\/p>\n

It seems like a good idea if we are going to parent them. What does it entail?<\/p>\n

A check, of course. $13 plus shipping and handling. <\/p>\n

And we’d both want one?<\/p>\n

Well, I’d want one to put up in my cubicle. <\/p>\n

Of course you would. <\/p>\n

Any proud parent would!<\/p>\n

Maybe we could just teach them French instead. <\/p>\n

Eh oui. Good idea!<\/p>\n

Thanks!<\/p>\n

I’ll send you pictures when I dump the eggs into the purified water and reanimate the freeze dried monkey babies. <\/p>\n

Perfect. Talk to you tomorrow. <\/p>\n

Happy Father’s Day!
\n \"\"<\/a> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Before we do this, we should have a talk about whether or not we are ready for this level of commitment.  Well, for one thing, we may have to buy medicine for them. We should really split that cost.  I’m on disability, girlfriend. I can’t afford that.  We’re creating new lives, we have to be … Continue reading An imaginary conversation about children and commitment\u00a0<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[18,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10222","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-imaginary-conversation","category-random-thoughts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-2ES","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6745,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6745","url_meta":{"origin":10222,"position":0},"title":"An imaginary conversation about Zen Dogs","author":"Michelle","date":"July 23, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You know what I hate about the whole Zen thing? The stupid catch phrases. Be the dog. Give me a break. All hyper manic and friendly. Tails a-wagging. That's not me. It's just an expression. Thank you. Figured it wasn't literal. Still. I don't want to be the dog. I'm\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11570,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11570","url_meta":{"origin":10222,"position":1},"title":"An imaginary conversation about the overactive imagination","author":"Michelle","date":"May 15, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Sometimes when I'm reading your book, it's hard for me to separate the main character from you. That's normal, I guess. He is based on me. But he's fictional. Yeah but when he's checking to make sure the doors are locked and the coffee maker is off, that's doesn't have\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9764,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9764","url_meta":{"origin":10222,"position":2},"title":"An imaginary conversation about being a hypochondriac","author":"Michelle","date":"July 21, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I think I broke my ribs at the gym last night. You did not break your ribs. Google disagrees. While you're Googling, you should look up the symptoms of hypochondria. OK. Wait, what? I am not a hypochondriac! Yes. You are most definitely a hypochondriac.\u00a0 No. Do you want me\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11471,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11471","url_meta":{"origin":10222,"position":3},"title":"An imaginary conversation about compliments","author":"Michelle","date":"April 10, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"So the other night, this guy told me he likes me because our conversations are random and weird. Oh, I'm sorry! Why? It was a great compliment. It was? Sometimes I don't think you know me at all... You do say weird things a lot. Right. And it's one of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8301,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8301","url_meta":{"origin":10222,"position":4},"title":"An imaginary conversation about seeing things differently","author":"Michelle","date":"November 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Don't you ever wonder about how we see things? Philosophically? No, literally. With our eyes? No. Well, yes. There are obviously scientific facts about things we see. Colors come from the way the light waves bounce or something like that, and those things are quantifiable, right? I guess. Science isn't\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9660,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9660","url_meta":{"origin":10222,"position":5},"title":"An imaginary conversation about my writing","author":"Michelle","date":"March 31, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"You talk about writing a lot. Do you actually write as much as you talk about it?Ugh. Really? Am I awful and pretentious?Awful, yes. \u00a0Not pretentious.Fucker.\u00a0Heh.\u00a0It's not like I am writing the Great American Anything.\u00a0No?No. It's more like the Minor American Exercise In Mental Masturbation.\u00a0It can't be that bad!Oh, it's\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10222","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10222"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10222\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10222"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10222"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10222"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}