There are not a lot of things that I am not willing to write about, but there are a few. It’s a personal blog, I write about personal thoughts. Some of it is uncomfortable for me, maybe also for people I refer to. I try to be respectful of people’s feelings, but..well..it’s about me and my feelings. Some of those feelings are about y’all.<\/p>\n
If I don’t write honestly about how I think and feel, if I hold back too much out of fear of offending someone, then it gets a little blurry around the edges.<\/p>\n
I can only think of one time when someone was shaken up enough about something I posted that he asked me to alter it. The change was a small one, and it didn’t impact the overall intent of the post and I was happy to make the change. He would have preferred that it not be written at all, but he knew he couldn’t really ask me to take it down.<\/p>\n
There’s a bit of a balance between privacy and emotional honesty and I don’t always hit the mark. I’m a wonder-er aloud, not a writer. I’m figuring it out as I go. I’ve opted not to have a theme for my posts. They’re a bit random. Nothing that requires research. I’m definitely not a journalist. When I delve into topics like politics, it is most definitely pure semi-educated opinion.<\/p>\n
And rambling. Lots of rambling.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I have to remind myself that the honesty has to be applied to myself, too. If I am honest, that inspection and introspection have to be aimed inwardly as well as outwardly. My actions count too. Of course, I don’t always know how my actions impact other people unless they tell me.<\/p>\n
I’ve written about online dating, dreams, black angels, issues interacting with people, isolation, depression and masturbation.<\/p>\n
I haven’t written very much about my weight. It’s been around the edges of some posts. I try to keep it at the edges of everything, but it’s difficult sometimes. Particularly right now, since I am considering a major step–bariatric surgery– and I need to decide how and if I want to post about it. You may have noticed that I am fat. I would like to be less fat in the future.<\/p>\n
Why not write about it, just like I write about everything else? Because it’s just fucking boring. I do not want to turn this into a weight loss blog. No one wants to read how many calories I ate, or if I hit my 10,000 steps for the day. It’s too boring to write about. Still, this will have a big impact on my life, so it’s going to come out.<\/p>\n
And it will have an impact not only on my body, but also on my emotions. So it seems like something I cannot avoid discussing if I want to maintain any sort of semblance of honesty.<\/p>\n
I won’t be able to have car bombs anymore—people are bound to notice! So consider yourselves warned.<\/p>\n
What do I think the challenges will be? Wild guess?<\/p>\n
Dealing with people who say things that start with “why don’t you just…” without poking them in the eye with a fork.<\/p>\n
Dealing with my own embarrassment about having to resort to surgery instead of exercise and eating sensibly.<\/p>\n
Dealing with a lifetime of not being able to eat the way I do now, and with the fact that the way I eat now is why I am in this fix in the first place.<\/p>\n
Struggling not to kill people who offer me potato chips.<\/p>\n
Struggling not to kill Stephen when he reminds me to eat slowly.<\/p>\n
Remembering to be nice to myself.<\/p>\n
Oh, and remembering my mantra from fat camp: give yourself a fucking break.<\/p>\n
Did I mention I won’t be able to drink alcohol for several months, and that even then I will be so sensitive to the effects that I might never drink much again?<\/p>\n
Well. This should be a fun process. I hope you all like me sober!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"