I don’t think you respect my bodily autonomy.<\/p>\n
That’s a big expression for a little kitty.<\/p>\n
See? I’m a grown up cat, but you talk to me like I’m a baby.<\/p>\n
Maybe that’s because I spend so much time cleaning up after you.<\/p>\n
I don’t have opposable thumbs, you know.<\/p>\n
No one forces you to lick the carpet and get hairballs that make you throw up all over the floor.<\/p>\n
The carpet is very tasty, and you won’t let me go outside to catch mice or birds.<\/p>\n
I’ve seen you with a mouse. You made no attempt to catch it.<\/p>\n
I was studying it.<\/p>\n
You had no clue that you were even supposed to try to catch it because I feed you every day.<\/p>\n
Do you think you’re infantilizing me and forcing me into a childish posture I should have outgrown by now?<\/p>\n
Maybe you should go outside right now and play in the snow.<\/p>\n
What? In the cold! I hate having cold paws…<\/p>\n
Grown up cats live outside all the time.<\/p>\n
You’re just repressing me. Just like in that movie with the autonomous collective.<\/p>\n
Monty Python?<\/p>\n
You never think I pay attention.<\/p>\n
You’re more than welcome to join an autonomous collective.<\/p>\n
Will you drive me to the meetings?<\/p>\n
No. You’re a grown ass cat. Get your own transportation.<\/p>\n
Can I take the car?<\/p>\n
Do you have a license?<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
Can you reach the accelerator and brakes?<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
Do you have gas money?<\/p>\n
You never give me an allowance.<\/p>\n
Take a bus.<\/p>\n
Can I watch “the Little Foxes” after you go to bed?<\/p>\n
I don’t think you should watch Bette Davis any more.<\/p>\n
Why not?<\/p>\n
It gives you dangerous ideas.<\/p>\n
I wasn’t really going to drown anyone.<\/p>\n
Still.<\/p>\n
You have no respect for my needs as a cat.<\/p>\n
Watch Animal Channel.<\/p>\n
You’re repressing me again!<\/p>\n
Take another nap, Kitty.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"