{"id":11203,"date":"2018-02-24T07:30:31","date_gmt":"2018-02-24T15:30:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11203"},"modified":"2018-02-23T22:17:20","modified_gmt":"2018-02-24T06:17:20","slug":"circles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11203","title":{"rendered":"Circles"},"content":{"rendered":"

Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.<\/p>\n

–Paulo Coelho<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The last time I was single, I went out with this guy a couple of times. Drinks. Super casual.\u00a0 He was a nice enough guy, but at least for me it was a totally friendly thing. Nary a spark.<\/p>\n

At the time, I was blogging every day. I mentioned it to him in passing at one point, and he decided to read my entire blog from beginning to end. He asked me to make some changes to the web site so he could do that, and I added an archive that let him find posts by date.<\/p>\n

At the time, there were well over 700 posts. It was a substantial commitment to make. Most of the people who actually know me haven’t read it. I certainly didn’t think that he would!<\/p>\n

It was weird.<\/p>\n

It was flattering.<\/p>\n

Mostly it was weird.<\/p>\n

Weirdly flattering?<\/p>\n

Someone thought I was cool enough to spend a lot of time learning more about me.<\/p>\n

We met for drinks once or twice in the interim. He reported his progress via IM. He commented about the writing, about the content of specific posts. He got to know me pretty well, if you can get to know someone by reading what they write about.\u00a0 He was taking his self-assigned commitment very seriously. By the time he let me know he’d\u00a0 finished reading every post, I knew he was not right for me as even a friend, and he said he was in love with me and he also knew I would never feel the same way about him.<\/p>\n

He was a very nice person, but one of those sort of self-sabotaging, snake-bit people. Always getting in his own way professionally and personally. Always embroiled in some\u00a0 crisis at least partially of his own making. Not very good at making choices for himself.<\/p>\n

I think he even told me that he knew it would never work out, which saved me from having to figure out how to say it.<\/p>\n

And I thought, well, yeah. Of course. That is exactly how love is, sometimes.<\/p>\n

Love can be a bitch goddess who delights in nothing more than to kick you right in the teeth.<\/p>\n

Love could have just not thrown me in his path at all.<\/p>\n

Love could have given him something for his effort.<\/p>\n

Love doesn’t work that way.<\/p>\n

I think we have all had relationships like that, where we love someone knowing it will never work out. All the sparks in the world, but you can’t have a civil conversation. All the civil conversation in the world, but sparks are lacking. Balance in love is just as hard as it is with everything else.<\/p>\n

That, and sometimes love is just whatever it is. Messy. Complicated. Simple. Strong. Fragile. Permanent. Transitory. Sometimes it’s something that’s right for a period of your life, and then you move on. Exactly what you need or exactly the wrong thing. It’s not equitable or fair. Generous. Cruel. Patient. Unkind.<\/p>\n

It’s a lot of things, but it is not at all like a box of chocolates, even if you really don’t ever know what you’re going to get.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows. –Paulo Coelho The last time I was single, I went out with this guy a couple of times. Drinks. Super casual.\u00a0 He was a nice enough guy, but at least for me it was a totally friendly thing. Nary a … Continue reading Circles<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11203","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-thoughts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7lr3R-circles","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8108,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8108","url_meta":{"origin":11203,"position":0},"title":"Oregon gets the Stanford monkey off their back","author":"Michelle","date":"November 2, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Another fun day of football. Our team won. It is always better when our team wins. It was a particularly fun tailgater today. It is always good. This one was a little extra good. At one point, after I hugged what seemed like a hundred people in five minutes, someone\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/IMG_2223.jpg?fit=551%2C545&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/IMG_2223.jpg?fit=551%2C545&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/IMG_2223.jpg?fit=551%2C545&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":11471,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11471","url_meta":{"origin":11203,"position":1},"title":"An imaginary conversation about compliments","author":"Michelle","date":"April 10, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"So the other night, this guy told me he likes me because our conversations are random and weird. Oh, I'm sorry! Why? It was a great compliment. It was? Sometimes I don't think you know me at all... You do say weird things a lot. Right. And it's one of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8472,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8472","url_meta":{"origin":11203,"position":2},"title":"An imaginary conversation between odd ducks","author":"Michelle","date":"December 5, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"It made me a little sad to read that you found me intimidating. Not you. Singing with you. You know I don't find you a bit intimidating. That might not be the most flattering thing you ever said. You can't be sad that I find you intimidating and also annoyed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11505,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11505","url_meta":{"origin":11203,"position":3},"title":"An imaginary conversation about premature excitement","author":"Michelle","date":"April 16, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"So I met someone I really had fun talking to the other day. Where did you meet? The usual top secret online location. Oh. Try not to sound so openly disgusted. I thought you meant you'd really met someone. Yeah, I should figure out a way to be more clear\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9353,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9353","url_meta":{"origin":11203,"position":4},"title":"Online dating, the minus side","author":"Michelle","date":"February 22, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"So there is fair coverage, here is a look at some of the things about online dating that are not so great. It can be sleazy. With the right person, I have an extremely high tolerance for filth and perversion. But. But. Not if it is some random guy I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6076,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6076","url_meta":{"origin":11203,"position":5},"title":"An imaginary conversation about buying beer","author":"Michelle","date":"June 6, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I definitely know where to pick up guys with beards now. You need to pick up guys with beards why? I don't need to. I already have one. But if I did, I found the mother lode. And where is this treasure trove of bearded manliness located? The growler fill\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11203","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11203"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11203\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11203"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11203"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11203"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}