Is it OK to kill people who wear cologne? Especially people at work?<\/p>\n
YES! No question. They deserve death.<\/p>\n
I’m glad someone agrees.<\/p>\n
Totally. I’m not against fragrance in general, but you shouldn’t be able to smell it from more than neck nuzzling distance.<\/p>\n
I’m suffocating because the guy in the cubicle behind me is wearing a shit ton of it. It’s not a horrible smelling scent, but I can’t fucking breathe.<\/p>\n
Death seems appropriate.<\/p>\n
On the other hand…<\/p>\n
NO SECOND CHANCES!!!<\/p>\n
Hear me out: if I pin a note to my dress explaining why I suffocated and died, he will feel bad forever. I’d like that, and all humanity would be better off because he would mend his ways out of guilt.<\/p>\n
That is a great point, but he should be the one who dies in this scenario. We’d miss you if you died.<\/p>\n
Even if he would be punished more if I die? I’m willing to make that sacrifice for the good of humanity.<\/p>\n
You are practically a saint.<\/p>\n
Or I could sack up and just tell him that his cologne not only makes me sick, but violates our company’s\u00a0 “fragrance fee” policy.<\/p>\n
That seems a little extreme.<\/p>\n
Like…communicating directly…<\/p>\n
Who does that?<\/p>\n
Exactly. Oh good–now he is sneezing too.<\/p>\n
Is he connecting it to his own bad acts?<\/p>\n
No. I need to hurry up and die or he’ll think it’s just a coincidence.<\/p>\n
Make sure the note explaining your demise is pinned firmly to your dress. You don’t want it to fall off when you fall gracefully to the floor.<\/p>\n
I should write the note in gold Sharpie, don’t you think? Maybe on red or black paper?<\/p>\n
Good idea. It would add flair.<\/p>\n
It’s important to die dramatically if it’s to benefit humanity. There is a side benefit, too.<\/p>\n
What’s that?<\/p>\n
I’m coming down with a cold.<\/p>\n
I’m not following…<\/p>\n
Have you ever been around me when I have a cold?<\/p>\n
Apparently not. Are you awful?<\/p>\n
I like to think I am.<\/p>\n
You like to?<\/p>\n
Yes, I pretend to be awful and demanding when I’m sick. In real life, though, if people just leave me alone I’m fine.<\/p>\n
Do they?<\/p>\n
If they’re smart. Don’t laugh. I can be terrible to behold at times. Especially if someone tries to be nice to me when I’m sick.<\/p>\n
I’ve known you a long time and haven’t beheld anything too awful.<\/p>\n
Of course you haven’t because I stay in my cave when I’m sick.\u00a0 You won’t tell anyone I’m not horrible will you?<\/p>\n
Your secret is safe with me!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"