{"id":11544,"date":"2018-04-24T11:46:03","date_gmt":"2018-04-24T18:46:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11544"},"modified":"2018-04-24T11:46:06","modified_gmt":"2018-04-24T18:46:06","slug":"radiant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11544","title":{"rendered":"Radiant rant"},"content":{"rendered":"

Love isn’t brains, children, it’s blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.
\n–Spike<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Though I do try to be grateful every day, and though I am generally a happysmilinglaughing type of person, sometimes I am unhappy. I’m human, after all, though I hate to admit it. This has been a hard year. I’m allowed to feel it.<\/p>\n

Other times, more rarely, I am fortunate enough to not only feel happy, but also “more.”<\/p>\n

This is one of those “more” times and I want to acknowledge it because I think it’s just as important as those “less” times and certainly far more enjoyable.<\/p>\n

It could end in an instant. So could anything else. So the fuck what. I could be hit by a beer truck crossing NW Marshall tomorrow. A 16 ton weight could land on my bedroom. It seems unlikely. I’m happy right now. People are smiling at me on the street because I’m roaming around all smiling radiant and turned on by life, love, the universe and the green world around me.<\/p>\n

Be rational, you say?<\/p>\n

Fuck. That. Shit.<\/p>\n

I’m going to be happy. I am going to be turned on to things. I am going to use my senses. I am going to feel things even if my rational brain says no. I am going to go for walks and be mind fucked by how Spring in the Willamette Valley has every color of green that can be imagined and some that can only be seen.<\/p>\n

I am going to enjoy every second with this new person in my life. (Hey, Thirteen.) And I am not going to be rational about it, second guess what it may or may not turn out to be or worry about it. I am not going to try to rein it in, direct it, or do anything but live it every day while it lasts.<\/p>\n

Could it be a huge disaster? Could this new guy be a raging dick who breaks me heart? YES, and that will be on him not on me. Unless I cause the disaster myself. That could also happen.<\/p>\n

Could it be a huge miracle that changes everything? YES, and if it is won’t that be amazing?<\/p>\n

It could be a lot of things. I don’t care. Fuck could be. Fuck should be. It will be what it is. I am going to take it as it comes.<\/p>\n

Isn’t that unlike me?<\/p>\n

I may be love’s bitch, but I will enjoy the ride.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Love isn’t brains, children, it’s blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it. –Spike Though I do try to be grateful every day, and though I am generally a happysmilinglaughing type of person, sometimes I am unhappy. I’m human, after … Continue reading Radiant rant<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-thoughts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7lr3R-radiant","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7447,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=7447","url_meta":{"origin":11544,"position":0},"title":"Consolation prize","author":"Michelle","date":"September 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"In your world, I have no meaning Though I'm trying hard to understand And it's my heart that's breaking Down this long distance line But I ain't missing you at all. --John Waite\/Missing You At this point in my life I'd like to live as if only love mattered As\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11062,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11062","url_meta":{"origin":11544,"position":1},"title":"What do I want, anyway?","author":"Michelle","date":"February 13, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true. --Anon The devil is in the details. --Everyone I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want So tell me what you want, what you really, really want --the Spice Girls In this time of personal and professional\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8391,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8391","url_meta":{"origin":11544,"position":2},"title":"Unconditional love and trust","author":"Michelle","date":"December 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"We might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us. --Magnolia It's not going to stop until you wise up. --Aimee Mann\/Wise Up Conditional love is: I will only love you if you love me. Unconditional love is: I will love you even if you do\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10497,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=10497","url_meta":{"origin":11544,"position":3},"title":"In which I am accused of being Zen about everything\u00a0","author":"Michelle","date":"August 29, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"We are born inside the gates with the power to create life And to take it away The world is our temple The world is our church Heaven's here on earth If we have faith in humankind And respect for what is earthly And an unfaltering belief In peace and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/IMG_2470-0.jpg?fit=341%2C391&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6551,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6551","url_meta":{"origin":11544,"position":4},"title":"The lighter side of blood and gore…lighter side?","author":"Michelle","date":"July 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"My intention was to keep it light today. Something funny. Something airy. Something about television. So, how do you keep it light, funny and airy when your two favorite shows are about love and death? Heavy on the death. Gruesome death. Somehow, though, True Blood still manages to keep it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/20140706-191531-69331077.jpg?fit=454%2C313&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":8201,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8201","url_meta":{"origin":11544,"position":5},"title":"What, huh?","author":"Michelle","date":"November 13, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"It hasn't exactly been a big secret that I have been having some difficulties with focus. Partially situational. OK, it's a hefty part. A lot of it is chronic though. I have never been very good at concentrating on one thing for long. I haven't ever had to. It sounds\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/IMG_1698.jpg?fit=276%2C359&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11544","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11544"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11544\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11544"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11544"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11544"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}