{"id":11594,"date":"2018-05-20T09:37:29","date_gmt":"2018-05-20T16:37:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11594"},"modified":"2018-05-20T09:36:05","modified_gmt":"2018-05-20T16:36:05","slug":"and-its-on","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11594","title":{"rendered":"And it’s on…"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Life moves pretty fast. If you don\u2019t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.\r\n--Ferris Bueller<\/pre>\n<\/blockquote>\n
For the last 6 months, or maybe most of my life depending on when you start counting, I’ve been working toward\u00a0 having surgery that will help me lose weight. As I’ve gotten older, my weight and lab results\u00a0 have creeped upward, and it has become apparent that I need something to help me lose the weight that will keep my health where I want it to be as I age. It is ironic that this is happening when my own acceptance of my body and appearance is at an all time high, and I’m in a relationship with someone who not only tolerates me the way I am but seems to actually love me this way.<\/p>\n
Things happen when they happen, and now is when it is happening. Life doesn’t give a shit about irony. Or maybe Life likes irony as much as I do…Life never says.<\/p>\n
In one of those moments which seems to accelerate life, on Friday I got a call from the surgeon’s office telling me that my insurance company has approved the surgery. They wondered if\u00a0 I could do it on June 4th. Just that morning, the process still seemed pretty far off. Remote. It was going to happen at some point, but not now. I knew intellectually that it would be sometime in June, but that was “some day.”\u00a0 After speaking with the surgeon’s office and checking my work calendar,\u00a0 apparently “some day” is in two weeks.<\/p>\n
Two weeks makes it real.<\/p>\n
Nothing else has changed. My job is still in limbo. I have insurance right now, and presumably for at least a few more months but maybe not longer. Maybe I should worry about what happens if I lose my insurance? I’m in this new relationship that is really wonderful and maybe I should worry about how the two of us will handle it? Maybe I should worry that I won’t be able to drink alcohol for at least several months. Maybe I should be sad that I will probably never be able to drink a Car Bomb ever again. Maybe I should be worried about side effects, sudden death, blood clots or having saggy skin if I lose weight.<\/p>\n
The thing that fascinates me is this:\u00a0 I’m not worried about any of that.\u00a0 I am a championship level over-thinker, and I am not overthinking. About anything. I’ve thought about it all, of course. I’ve considered the pros and cons. I’ve considered continuing to try to lose weight on my own until my work situation becomes more clear.\u00a0 I’ve cut back my living expenses. I’ve considered if this is really the best time for me to go into a new relationship. All of it. But I haven’t been stressing about it like I normally would, like I was just 6 or 8 weeks ago.<\/p>\n
Maybe I’ve spent my whole life being prepared for an emergency and now that it’s happening I don’t recognize it, or maybe I’m finally just prepared to wait and see because I *am* prepared. Prepared go through with my original plan for surgery. To accept that sometimes people come into your life at times that seem inconvenient or difficult, but it’s the right time for your moment in time. To realize that if my job ends I can find another one, even if it’s doing something different. To be happy in challenging circumstances.<\/p>\n
I just feel like I’m ready. For all of it. For whatever happens professionally, for an amazing relationship, for a healthier body. For anything. For things to happen when they happen. For change.<\/p>\n
The last seven or eight months have been hard. So hard that there have been many times when I genuinely believed that I would not be able to get through it. If someone had told me in February that I would still be in professional limbo in May but I’d be at peace with it, and happier than I’d been in decades? It wouldn’t have seemed possible.<\/p>\n
My life isn’t going to get any simpler this Summer. It’s going to get a littler messier. A little harder. There are going to be times when I feel like I’ve made a horrible mistake. There are going to be times when I feel like I can’t do it. There are going to be a lot of times when I thank the sun and stars that Thirteen appeared in my life when he did. There may\u00a0 be times when I need to lean on the people I love more than I am comfortable with.<\/p>\n
It will be hard, but it will be OK.<\/p>\n
Life is all about being a work in progress. Life is never complete until you die. Life is all learning and changing. Becoming who you are. Over and over again.<\/p>\n
I’ll keep making things. Keep learning things. Keep loving my people.\u00a0 I do know the best people.<\/p>\n
Life is too good not to keep doing it, as best I can.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Life moves pretty fast. If you don\u2019t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. –Ferris Bueller For the last 6 months, or maybe most of my life depending on when you start counting, I’ve been working toward\u00a0 having surgery that will help me lose weight. As I’ve gotten older, my weight … Continue reading And it’s on…<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11594","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-thoughts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-310","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8058,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8058","url_meta":{"origin":11594,"position":0},"title":"An imaginary conversation about what I love","author":"Michelle","date":"October 27, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"It seems like I am always mentioning something I love. Apparently, I am not very discriminating. You? Oh, people always tell me I am discriminating. Uh...err....Maybe you need to have a chat about that with your HR department. When I am not actively discriminating, I love paradox, irony and humor.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1420,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=1420","url_meta":{"origin":11594,"position":1},"title":"I’m not fat, I’m fluffy. No, just fat. But I have great hair.","author":"Michelle","date":"September 12, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cShe's beautiful,' he murmured. 'She's a metre across the hips, easily,' said Julia. 'That is her style of beauty,' said Winston.\u201d --George Orwell\/1984 \u00a0 \u201cJon: Have you seen the wall? Sam: I'm fat, not blind.\u201d --George RR Martin\/A Game Of Thrones \u00a0 This will be fun for everyone. Let's talk\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11679,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11679","url_meta":{"origin":11594,"position":2},"title":"Unimportant updates","author":"Michelle","date":"September 10, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"It sometimes occurs to me that my life is a bit small. I don't do dramatic things like skydiving or mountain climbing. I don't have glorious adventures. My significant other is a teacher, not a gazillionaire business tycoon. I do things like walking around in the park. Looking at flowers.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4533,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=4533","url_meta":{"origin":11594,"position":3},"title":"Validation is mine sayeth The Lord. Oh wait, that was me.","author":"Michelle","date":"March 21, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This has been an excellent week for the sarcastic, foul mouthed fat people of the world. Suck it, goody two shoes. First, I read a story somewhere last weekend that indicates that there's yet another study which shows that dark chocolate is good for you. Then later that same day,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4718,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=4718","url_meta":{"origin":11594,"position":4},"title":"Talking to myself in the middle of the night","author":"Michelle","date":"March 28, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Wake up in the middle of the night crying. Not sure why. Maybe a bad dream. What actually woke me up is tears dripping. Sort of a disconcerting way to wake up. Physical symptoms of distress, but no clue as to what the distress is about. Try to comfort myself.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11645,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11645","url_meta":{"origin":11594,"position":5},"title":"What\u2019s up?","author":"Michelle","date":"June 30, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"My mood. The sky. Treetops. The ceiling. Me. I get out of bed in the morning with only the usual amount of good natured complaining about the necessity of the existence of 5:30am. My creativity level. The temperature, intermittently. The level of anticipation of what is going to happen at\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11594","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11594"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11594\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11594"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11594"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11594"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}