{"id":1993,"date":"2013-10-15T06:15:27","date_gmt":"2013-10-15T13:15:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=1993"},"modified":"2013-10-14T23:35:34","modified_gmt":"2013-10-15T06:35:34","slug":"in-between-days","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=1993","title":{"rendered":"In between days..nights..days"},"content":{"rendered":"

Running over the same old ground.
\nWhat have we found?
\nThe same old fears.<\/p>\n

–Pink Floyd\/Wish You Were Here<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Whatever gets you through the night is alright.<\/p>\n

–John Lennon<\/p>\n

 <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As someone who is slow to both fall asleep and wake up, I spend a lot of time in what I think of as the in-between space of life.\u00a0 The space between being asleep and being awake.\u00a0 It’s not quite a dream space, but it isn’t quite consciousness either. It’s almost-but-not-quite-asleep. If someone were to talk to me, I think I’d respond, but it’d take me a second to shake out of it.<\/p>\n

For me it seems to be kind of a what-if space. I have conversations there I wish I could really have. Or that I wish I hadn’t had. Or that I did have and wish had gone differently. Or sometimes theg just seem like random discussions about life.\u00a0 It’s pretty much always a conversation,\u00a0 rather than anything film-like or full of images. I’m not sure there even are<\/em> images.\u00a0 Sometimes there are snippets of gestures, but I feel them more than see them.\u00a0 A caress.\u00a0 A hand brushing my hair back.<\/p>\n

The in-between space doesn’t feel dreamlike, but it doesn’t feel like reality either. I don’t have, I don’t think, much control over what is said there. It’s often related to something I’ve been thinking about, or maybe trying not to think about, in my awake life. Often I know who I’m talking with, but a lot of the time I don’t. Sometimes I can’t even distinguish specific words, it’s just a sort of reassuring whisper nuzzled against my ear. Words\u00a0 just kind of stream into my head.<\/p>\n

Very occasionally a phrase will sort of pop out at me that I feel like I need to remember, so I’ll get up and write it down. Often I’ll remember segments of the conversation, but they’re mostly ephemeral. I’ll remember the mood more than the precise content.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0 think the internal conversations help me sort through things that I need to work out. They’re part of my internal CPU. I used to think it held\u00a0 me back to hear people speaking to me from the past. Now I think if I really listen to what they’re saying I can process the lesson and move forward. Whatever they say, I would really miss them all if they went away. It’s not a bad way to start and end the day most of the time.<\/p>\n

Then again, if I Googled it, I’m sure I’d find out that it’s a symptom of incipient psychosis.<\/p>\n

Please don’t tell me if it is.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. –Pink Floyd\/Wish You Were Here   Whatever gets you through the night is alright. –John Lennon   As someone who is slow to both fall asleep and wake up, I spend a lot of time in what I think of as … Continue reading In between days..nights..days<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1993","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-w9","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":9189,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9189","url_meta":{"origin":1993,"position":0},"title":"An imaginary conversation about talking in your sleep","author":"Michelle","date":"January 29, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"You say the nicest things when you're not even aware you're talking..I wish you were that sweet when you're fully conscious. What? Like when you're just about asleep. Or just about passed out. Wouldn't I remember? I don't know. I don't think so. You've said you want to spend your\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/IMG_2470-0.jpg?fit=341%2C391&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":10281,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=10281","url_meta":{"origin":1993,"position":1},"title":"Weekend wrap up….","author":"Michelle","date":"July 5, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Stephen came down Wednesday night and we had folks over for dinner on Thursday \u00a0and Friday. Oddly enough, we only ended up having dinner with half of each of the couples we had over. Chelle without Rick, then Walt without Robin. Still a good time.\u00a0 Saturday after Stephen left, I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1508,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=1508","url_meta":{"origin":1993,"position":2},"title":"Asleep or awake, it’s hard to tell until it’s obvious","author":"Michelle","date":"September 16, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 The dream police, they live inside of my head The dream police, they come to me in my bed The dream police, they're coming to arrest me, oh, no --Cheap Trick\/The Dream Police \u00a0 Not to belabor the point, but I've been a little ill lately. This sometimes leads\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "hmmm"","block_context":{"text":"hmmm","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3200,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=3200","url_meta":{"origin":1993,"position":3},"title":"Who am I again?","author":"Michelle","date":"December 28, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Well a box of red and a pill or three And I'm calling time and temperature just for some company. I wish you were here. I wish I was too. I'll drink myself to sleeplessness, I always do. --Old 97's\/Big Brown Eyes It's a little trippy, pun intended, to be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10839,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=10839","url_meta":{"origin":1993,"position":4},"title":"When is something real? Trying to scream…","author":"Michelle","date":"March 22, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Hush little baby don't say a word And never mind that noise you heard It's just the beast under your bed In your closet in your head --Metallica \u00a0 The other night, I woke up and stretched my arm out to the empty side of the bed and felt an\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5458,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5458","url_meta":{"origin":1993,"position":5},"title":"What I wonder about, wide awake 0200","author":"Michelle","date":"April 30, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Somehow, through the days I don't give in I hide the tears That wait within But then through sleepless nights I cry again --F. and B. Bryant\/Sleepless Nights Words. I wonder about words. Specifically: I wonder if there is a certain number of words that you have to know in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1993","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1993"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1993\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1993"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1993"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1993"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}