{"id":2512,"date":"2013-11-16T06:10:43","date_gmt":"2013-11-16T14:10:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=2512"},"modified":"2013-11-15T23:29:27","modified_gmt":"2013-11-16T07:29:27","slug":"lumina","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=2512","title":{"rendered":"The age of innocence"},"content":{"rendered":"

Eve took a fruit, Eve bit the fruit
\nJuice ran down her chin
\nBabies will put things in their mouths
\nNever heard of sin.
\n–Joan Osborne\/Lumina<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I don’t really know how I would define innocence exactly, but I’m not sure I ever was<\/em> innocent. Even when I was little, I felt like I was sort of in the wrong body. I felt like I should have been born “grown up” (whatever that is)<\/p>\n

[It really fucks up a person’s punctuation if they use quotes and quotation marks in the same sentence. Certainly I am innocent of any knowledge of the rules of punctuation.]<\/p>\n

{Yes, I’m doing this just to be punctuationally annoying. No, punctuationally isn’t a real word. Yes, I’m just about done with this schtick.}<\/p>\n

In any case, I was definitely always sexually aware. I didn’t know what anything was called, or what its ultimate purpose was, but like most of us I knew what felt good well before I knew where and when it was appropriate to do those particular things. I apologize to anyone who might remember me from nursery school and suffered any traumatic events related to that.<\/p>\n

Ahem.<\/p>\n

I could say I was innocent of the connection between those feelings and other people…but that wouldn’t be true. It seems like I always knew that it could, maybe should be reciprocal. I knew I definitely didn’t want people I didn’t like to touch me.<\/p>\n

I certainly didn’t know that that particular good feeling had anything to do with producing babies until I was much older. I don’t remember when I figured all that out. By the time they got around to telling us about it in school it didn’t come as a surprise.<\/p>\n

What I was innocent of was just exactly how complicated sexuality and sexual feelings could make a life. And my life is sexually pretty uncomplicated compared to some people I’ve known. It would certainly be simpler if we could just indulge ourselves whenever we wanted with whoever catches our attention, but for most of us that isn’t how we organize our sexual lives.<\/p>\n

Don’t worry, I won’t talk about the science behind that.
\nI probably could, but I don’t think it’s all that relevant, except that it might be worth thinking about if it explains why we still tend to pair up when we’re also built to have a wandering eye and libidos that go into overdrive when we meet new people who are sexually interesting to us.<\/p>\n

And I’ve never figured out what role jealousy plays, but it seems to be something innate.<\/p>\n

Or maybe we shouldn’t talk about sexual roles. It makes people uncomfortable. Not as uncomfortable as talking about masturbating in nursery school, that’s true. Who is wondering exactly what I am not willing to talk about at this point?<\/p>\n

Me, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eve took a fruit, Eve bit the fruit Juice ran down her chin Babies will put things in their mouths Never heard of sin. –Joan Osborne\/Lumina I don’t really know how I would define innocence exactly, but I’m not sure I ever was innocent. Even when I was little, I felt like I was sort … Continue reading The age of innocence<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2512","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7lr3R-lumina","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8614,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8614","url_meta":{"origin":2512,"position":0},"title":"Children and sex","author":"Michelle","date":"December 21, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Eve took a fruit, Eve bit the fruit Juice ran down her chin Babies will put things in their mouths Never heard of sin. --Joan Osborne\/Lumina For me, sex and innocence are intertwined. All children are sexual. We Americans try our best to deny it, and make children sexless cherubs,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1341,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=1341","url_meta":{"origin":2512,"position":1},"title":"More than words","author":"Michelle","date":"September 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 Poor head Can hardly move my lips for speaking I said So, what is this thing I cannot explain? I'd blame all the things I feel but can't quite place Perhaps they're written on my face Someone took the words away --Elvis Costello\/Someone Took The Words Away \u00a0 \u00a0\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10949,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=10949","url_meta":{"origin":2512,"position":2},"title":"Thinking about sexual abuse and assault","author":"Michelle","date":"November 11, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Every woman you know has encountered some sort of sexual verbal or physical abuse at least once in her life. Every one. Most women you know have had multiple instances of it. Some very serious. Some \"just\" inappropriate comments. Insinuations that a raise depends on sexual compliance. Groping. Sexual images\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2619,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=2619","url_meta":{"origin":2512,"position":3},"title":"In bloom","author":"Michelle","date":"January 10, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Rose Smith: Nice girls don't let men kiss them until after they're engaged. Men don't want the bloom rubbed off. Esther Smith: Personally, I think I have too much bloom. Maybe that's the trouble with me. --Meet Me In St. Louis As a modern woman, the idea of a girl\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6353,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6353","url_meta":{"origin":2512,"position":4},"title":"This blog has been preempted…","author":"Michelle","date":"June 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"By an unexpected visit to the Tequila Palace for dinner and boozes. Sorry. As I was leaving, Chelle asked me how I was going to pull of a blog about hard cider, pubic hair, chillum pipes, leftovers and avocado chocolate pudding. I told her I probably wouldn't pull it off\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/20140624-221310-79990970.jpg?fit=768%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/20140624-221310-79990970.jpg?fit=768%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/20140624-221310-79990970.jpg?fit=768%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/20140624-221310-79990970.jpg?fit=768%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":552,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=552","url_meta":{"origin":2512,"position":5},"title":"Is it any wonder I reject you first?","author":"Michelle","date":"July 30, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Is it any wonder I reject you first? 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So much human behavior is driven by a fear of it, or because of receiving it. \u00a0 Most of the time rejection sucks.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2512","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2512"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2512\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2512"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2512"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2512"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}