{"id":3167,"date":"2013-12-29T06:00:48","date_gmt":"2013-12-29T14:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=3167"},"modified":"2013-12-28T22:59:45","modified_gmt":"2013-12-29T06:59:45","slug":"power-trip","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=3167","title":{"rendered":"Power trip"},"content":{"rendered":"

\nLittle triggers that you pull with your tongue
\nLittle triggers, I don’t wanna be hung up, strung up
\nWhen you don’t call up
\n–Elvis Costello\/Little Triggers<\/p>\n

Sometimes I phone you when I know you’re not lonely
\nBut I always disconnect it in time
\n–Elvis Costello\/No Action <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There is always one person in a relationship who has at least a little more power than the other. In my case, typically it’s the person who isn’t me. No, wait. That isn’t true. It’s often the person who feels the most vulnerable. That’s often me, but not always. There have been a few relationships where I wasn’t particularly invested emotionally. I suppose I was the one with the most power, because I didn’t care as much what happened. So if he didn’t call? Shrug. I was supposed to call and forgot? Shrug.<\/p>\n

It isn’t necessarily a bad thing that there’s a little bit of a difference. One person is bound to have more money or social status. One person is bound to care more. It’s inevitable. It’s really only problem if I you don’t just accept it or if the power relationship is used in an abusive way. When you think everything should be…well…when you start throwing shoulds around can that ever be a good thing? It’s not necessarily a bad thing that one person cares a little more. Most of the time, it is fine. It just is. If one of the person has more money\/political\/social power? Not an automatic problem. <\/p>\n

When one person has the power and uses it to take advantage of the other it’s never OK. Having more power, of whatever sort, should not be an “it’s OK for me to be a douchenozzle” card. Unfortunately that is sometimes how the less powerful partner acts. And when they do, both partners are wrong. One for being a douche, and the other for being a doormat. The ones who tend to be douches seem to have radar for doormats in the same way that the physically abusive ones seem to attract the ones who will tolerate being hit. Part training, part isolation I suppose. <\/p>\n

It’s not static, either. Who has the power changes in a healthy relationship. Job changes, shifts in how the relationship feels to both people..maybe an inheritance. A lot goes into the dynamic. It might be as simple as one person having something the other wants. <\/p>\n

And so what? <\/p>\n

Well. I dunno. Just thinking aloud.
\nIt’s getting late, I’m getting tired. I’ve just taken a dose of codeine, and I’m sleepy, so I have a head full of ideas with no logic to process them. <\/p>\n

Today I got to spend time with people who I love. Tomorrow I get to do that again.
\nIt makes me wonder. <\/p>\n

But what doesn’t?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Little triggers that you pull with your tongue Little triggers, I don’t wanna be hung up, strung up When you don’t call up –Elvis Costello\/Little Triggers Sometimes I phone you when I know you’re not lonely But I always disconnect it in time –Elvis Costello\/No Action There is always one person in a relationship who … Continue reading Power trip<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3167","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-P5","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2371,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=2371","url_meta":{"origin":3167,"position":0},"title":"Truth or dare?","author":"Michelle","date":"November 7, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The truth can't hurt you, it's just like the dark It scares you witless But in time\u00a0 you see things clear and stark. --Elvis Costello\/I Want You \u00a0 \u00a0 Truth is kind of a wiggly construct. I've written about how memory can be subjective, and about how difficult it is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4834,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=4834","url_meta":{"origin":3167,"position":1},"title":"Songs I will never sing to a child I will not have","author":"Michelle","date":"April 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"One of the many lists I've written over the years was a list of songs I would have sung to my child. Even though I didn't intend to have one. For a long time I carried it around, written longhand on a notepad, wherever I went. 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My selfishness level is at a perfectly normal operating level. Sometimes the walls answer me though, but never\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3479,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=3479","url_meta":{"origin":3167,"position":4},"title":"To do and to don’t","author":"Michelle","date":"January 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Why do you have to say that there's always someone who can do it better than I can? But don't you think that I know that walking on the water won't make me a miracle man? --Elvis Costello\/Miracle Man Now that everyone has finished with their resolutions for the new\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/20140114-192622.jpg?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1341,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=1341","url_meta":{"origin":3167,"position":5},"title":"More than words","author":"Michelle","date":"September 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 Poor head Can hardly move my lips for speaking I said So, what is this thing I cannot explain? I'd blame all the things I feel but can't quite place Perhaps they're written on my face Someone took the words away --Elvis Costello\/Someone Took The Words Away \u00a0 \u00a0\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3167","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3167"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3167\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3167"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3167"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3167"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}