Yes I know there ain’t no finish line, I know this never ends
\nBut I’m just learning how to fall, climb back up again
\nI know there is nothing perfect, I know there is nothing new
\n–Everclear\/Learning How To Smile<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
Once upon a time, there was a girl. Eventually that girl turned into me. Or maybe she still is in the process of becoming me, I’m not sure.<\/p>\n
I was always a smart girl, even before I started school. In High School, I turned into a Smart Girl. Not a Hot Girl, though I was pretty. Not a Funny Girl, though I’m told I was funny. Not a Sporty Girl, although…OK. I wasn’t a bit athletic. They got that one right. I was just a Smart Girl and a Shy Girl. To some, probably a Smart Girl and a Snobby Girl. It’s totally fine to be a Smart Girl when you’re in Elementary school, and a wonderful thing to be as an adult, but it is not a way to have a lot of fun in High School unless you’re a lot more well adjusted and socially inclined than I was.<\/p>\n
And isn’t fun what High Schools is mostly about? Not learning?<\/p>\n
I mean, sure, there’s learning that goes on. Scholastic learning. Life lesson learning. Sexual learning. But it’s all encircled with stuff that’s supposed to be fun. And for a lot of us, it just wasn’t. I kind of glossed over the sexual learning part. Close your eyes, Mom. That part was fun. Even for a Smart Girl. If only there had been more learning opportunities for a Smart Girl in that part of the curriculum.<\/p>\n
As an adult, I find that my friends are divided into two groups when it comes to High School: the ones who thought it was the best time of their life, and the ones who couldn’t wait for it to be behind them. I fall into the “hated it” camp. Firmly. I was an emotional and hormonal basket case from age 15 on. I disliked myself and I didn’t have a particularly high opinion of anyone else either. I was very open to absorbing anyone’s negative opinion of me. High school enhanced every one of my negative tendencies, and didn’t create any good new ones that I can think of. When I talk about those days with friends now, it sounds like I had a better time than I thought I did. It also seems like I had a lot more boyfriends than I thought I did. Maybe it’s just that only one or two were important.<\/p>\n
But what did I actually learn in High School? Sure I learned Spanish and French, but the thing that stuck with me the longest is how I learned to dislike myself. I learned how to pretend to be happy almost well enough to fool myself but probably not well enough to fool anyone else. I learned that I didn’t have to work as hard as most people to get better grades than they did. I learned to fake things both emotionally and intellectually. That lesson probably took the longest of anything to unlearn. I’m still trying to unlearn it completely. In retrospect, it seems like a lot of the things I learned in High School had to be unlearned.<\/p>\n
Wasn’t there anything good about High School? The one good thing about it turned out to be the people, though I didn’t realize it then. I had a few very good friends then, but I also met a lot of really great people who I only learned to appreciate and love later on. You know who you are, too, because although I didn’t learn much<\/em> in High School, life did eventually teach me to look for the good in people and to tell people when I love them.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
If you’ve made it this far, it’s quite possible you’re one of them.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yes I know there ain’t no finish line, I know this never ends But I’m just learning how to fall, climb back up again I know there is nothing perfect, I know there is nothing new –Everclear\/Learning How To Smile Once upon a time, there was a girl. Eventually that girl turned into … Continue reading Who wants to learn anything anyway?<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-51","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7lr3R-51","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2744,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=2744","url_meta":{"origin":51,"position":0},"title":"Thank you, thank you, thank you","author":"Michelle","date":"November 28, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin --Sly and the Family Stone It's not the most creative thing to write about on Thanksgiving, but I've got an awful lot of things in this life that I am very thankful for.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1876,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=1876","url_meta":{"origin":51,"position":1},"title":"Mind the gender gap","author":"Michelle","date":"November 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I used to be the bright one Smart as a whip Funny how you slip so far when Teachers don't keep track of it --The Dresden Dolls\/Perfect Fit \u00a0 Back in the olden days, as I have mentioned before, I used to be a Smart Girl. I loved school in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10098,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=10098","url_meta":{"origin":51,"position":2},"title":"Sunday, we ride","author":"Michelle","date":"May 25, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"So, I have a bicycle. A nice one, even. A Trek. It's a girl bike. Black, with pretty scroll work on it. A pannier for carrying all my stuff. A bell. Lots of gears. Nice cushy handlebar grips. A comfortable saddle. It's set up so it doesn't hurt to ride\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3340,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=3340","url_meta":{"origin":51,"position":3},"title":"Sunday girl","author":"Michelle","date":"January 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"And the child that is born on the Sabbath day Is bonny and blithe and good and gay. --Traditional verse I saw a girl from a lonely street Cold as ice cream but still as sweet Dry your eyes, Sunday Girl --Blondie\/Sunday Girl I was born on a Sunday a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/20140106-093025.jpg?fit=300%2C295&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5160,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5160","url_meta":{"origin":51,"position":4},"title":"Polysyllable girl","author":"Michelle","date":"May 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"If I had a baby She'd have a thesaurus Instead of a rattle And a dictionary Instead of silver spoons She'd read books in the womb Crying at sad endings Lusting after vampires While learning to speak French Even before she's born She could out-curse sailors On any continent Polysyllable\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/20140511-151652.jpg?fit=300%2C207&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3461,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=3461","url_meta":{"origin":51,"position":5},"title":"Fun, fun, fun","author":"Michelle","date":"January 14, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I'd like to join the party But I was not invited Why are we racing to be so old? --Elvis Costello\/Two Little Hitlers As it turns out, sometimes not getting what you want can be a blessing in disguise. We have probably all figured that out on our own. Not\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=51"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=51"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=51"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=51"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}