Dilemma: I don’t want to be like everyone else, but I don’t want people to think I am weird in a bad way. I still want them to like me. Except for the people who I think suck. Them, I don’t care about. <\/p>\n
Is it weird to write a list of all the reasons why I am weird? It is, isn’t it?<\/p>\n
Well, I can’t think of anything to write about so it’s time for a list.
\nWhy am I weird?<\/p>\n
1. I don’t brush my hair. Not even when I wash it. Exceptions? Sure, for some special occasions like weddings I do brush my hair or on the rare occasions I need to look normal. If I ever had a job interview, I might. I aspire to hair that is as messy as Helena Bonham Carter’s or Neil Gaiman’s. I can only dream.<\/p>\n
2. I like ramen noodles for breakfast. Or any noodles, really. <\/p>\n
3. I am writing a list of reasons I am weird. <\/p>\n
4. I am writing a list of reasons I am weird and can’t think of any.<\/p>\n
5. Although I will not wear shoes that hurt my feet, I love high heels.<\/p>\n
6. I own several black fedoras.<\/p>\n
7. On most days, when I get dressed for work, there is at least one inappropriate element which prevents me from looking like a sane person. Often, my shoes.<\/p>\n
8. I have a penchant for cleavage exposure. The men are all saying “that’s not weird at all,” aren’t they?<\/p>\n
9. In addition to the cleavage, I have a tattooed chest. In spite of the tattoos, if someone asks me where I got my work done, I assume they are implying that I have had breast surgery when they are clearly talking about my ink.<\/p>\n
10. I have a penchant for using words like penchant.<\/p>\n
11. I have a penchant for references that only make sense to one other person on the planet. If that. It makes Dennis Miller look like he coddles the weak.<\/p>\n
12. I read children’s books. To myself. Over and over. Ask me about the Oz books. Anything. I dare you. Although I sort of skipped over the little kid books and went straight to teenage books and then adult books. I learned to read freakishly early.<\/p>\n
13. My tattoos? Poppies. Battlefields, memory, sleep, Oz. Why is that weird? They take up a lot of body space. And then there’s the duck. A duck? Yes. A pre-Columbian duck. He’s in black and white. The poppies are all red. Why a duck? Why not?<\/p>\n
14. I used to have almost all of my body parts commonly covered with clothes pieced, except my navel. Yes, that probably means what you think it does. No, not anymore. I got bored.<\/p>\n
15. I was at a party the first time I saw Cindy Lauper on television, and everyone at the party stopped dancing and said “Look, Michelle–she dresses like you!” Hey, at least I didn’t wear my underwear on the outside like Madonna. And no, I don’t have any pictures. If anyone does, please post them! I would particularly love a picture of the gold lace dress…<\/p>\n
16. I take pictures of the sky almost every day. Often from the same spot.<\/p>\n
17. When I was 15 or 16, I got fired from my 2nd job, and someone told me I was fat, lazy, stupid and would never amount to anything or be able to keep a job. I’ve worked at the same company since 1990 because I enjoy proving people wrong. Excessively. My reactions to things might be..a little bit…extreme. No, I haven’t had the same job the whole time. I’d go nuts. Yes, I agree that I should get over what he said at this point.<\/p>\n
18. When I am in the car, shower, or just home alone, I sing. If I don’t sing, I hum. If I am out walking, sometimes I sing accidentally. I make up songs and sing them to the cat. <\/p>\n
19. I play Words With Friends…with strangers.<\/p>\n
20. People should be able to do whatever they want to do sexually, with however many people they want to do it with, as long as it is truly consensual. Yes, I mean whatever. No, I don’t mean they should be able to marry their dog. Do I need to define “consensual” for you? <\/p>\n
21. I have bathed in public on multiple occasions. <\/p>\n
22. Maybe I’m not as weird as I think I am. This is a short list.<\/p>\n
23. I thought of another really good thing just now while I was in the shower, but by the time I finished my shower, dried off and got to a writing device I had forgotten what it was. That’s not the weird part. The weird part is that I am telling people about it.<\/p>\n
24. Between the age of 18 and maybe 35, I didn’t date any Americans. Not by any sort of particular choice. They didn’t ask. I didn’t notice. I was busy with everyone else.<\/p>\n
25. I absolutely love to quibble with inspirational quotes on Twitter. Sometimes on Twitter. Sometimes to myself. Sometimes here. <\/p>\n
26. Even though I am 50, I still believe that the monsters can’t get me if I have a sheet over me. Preferably covering my neck. If I get too hot, I can uncover my feet. <\/p>\n
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