How do you feel about cats?<\/p>\n
Cats? You know how I feel about cats. I hate cats. <\/p>\n
Hate is such a strong word. <\/p>\n
What did you do?<\/p>\n
Do? What do you mean what did I do?<\/p>\n
Did you get a fucking cat?<\/p>\n
I don’t think a cat would be fucking, necessarily. I mean, one cat? It wouldn’t even be possible for it to..<\/p>\n
Did you get a non-fucking cat?<\/p>\n
Why would I get a cat? You hate cats. <\/p>\n
I’m starting to hate you, too. <\/p>\n
Are not. You love me. It doesn’t matter what I do. You can’t help it. Even if I bought a cat, you’d love me. An expensive cat. A fancy Dijon cat. Why are you pretending to bang your head against the wall? <\/p>\n
You suck. <\/p>\n
I do. That’s one of the reasons you love me. <\/p>\n
Incorrigible, you are. <\/p>\n
I really am. <\/p>\n
So. <\/p>\n
So?<\/p>\n
The cat. <\/p>\n
What cat? There is no cat, Neo. <\/p>\n
Oh, good.<\/p>\n
But if there was a cat, rhetorically speaking…a black one, with a white Hitler mustache. How would you feel about it?<\/p>\n
Bad. I would feel bad. <\/p>\n
Why would you feel bad about a rhetorical cat?<\/p>\n
None of this even has a point, does it?<\/p>\n
Why do you look so discouraged? You keep saying I should talk more. I’m practicing. <\/p>\n
To other people. You should talk more to other people. <\/p>\n
Other people don’t understand when I talk about imaginary cats. <\/p>\n
Rhetorical. <\/p>\n
See? You do understand me!<\/p>\n
I…oh, God. I did understand that. And stop smiling. <\/p>\n
It makes me happy when people understand me. When I’m happy, I smile. You like it when I’m happy, don’t you?<\/p>\n
I do.<\/p>\n
I didn’t get a cat. <\/p>\n
That’s a relief. <\/p>\n
I got 2 pairs of shoes instead. Red ones. <\/p>\n
Of course you did, because you couldn’t get a cat. <\/p>\n
No one understands me like you do, baby. <\/p>\n
What did you get me<\/em>?<\/p>\n Vodka, a bag of grapefruit, and a very nice pair of argyle socks. I accidentally turned all of the grapefruit into juice, so we should probably start drinking it right away. It’s practically an emergency.<\/p>\n You understand me pretty well, too. <\/p>\n You wouldn’t have looked nearly this happy if I’d gotten a cat. <\/p>\n I’d still be pretty happy. <\/p>\n Because I’d still have bought you the vodka. Probably an even better one…<\/p>\n We’ll go with that. <\/p>\n I knew what you meant, George. <\/p>\n I know you did, baby.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"