Hey..so…do you have any idea why there is a 100 foot wide television in the living room?<\/p>\n
100 foot wide? That is pretty big for a 15 foot long wall!<\/p>\n
It’s enormous. It’s larger than the actual physical space. I am pretty sure it has disrupted the time\/space continuum in some very nasty way in order to get into our home. It could even be some sort of evil invader. How did it get into our living room?<\/p>\n
I bought it and had it delivered. <\/p>\n
Why? We already had an unnecessarily large TV. <\/p>\n
Sports. Movies. Your naked Swedish vampires. <\/p>\n
Sports? We always go to bars. <\/p>\n
Now we won’t have to. <\/p>\n
We like going to bars. <\/p>\n
We can watch movies on a bigger screen. And don’t forget naked Swedish vampires!<\/p>\n
Naked Swedish Vampires would be an excellent band name. And don’t think your ploy to distract me is working. I wasn’t unhappy with the size of the unnecessarily large TV we already had. And..where might that be?<\/p>\n
In the bedroom!<\/p>\n
No. <\/p>\n
Yes. I put it in the bedroom. <\/p>\n
I will be taking it right back out.<\/p>\n
Why???<\/p>\n
Because bedrooms are for sleeping and sex. Reading. Not for television.<\/p>\n
I like to watch TV in bed sometimes. <\/p>\n
Then have one put in your room. I don’t want one in mine. <\/p>\n
My room? I don’t have a room. <\/p>\n
You might soon. <\/p>\n
Because of a TV!?<\/p>\n
Because what we have here, Cool Hand Luke, is a failure to communicate.<\/p>\n
Uh oh. <\/p>\n
Uh huh.<\/p>\n
So what should we do? <\/p>\n
I was thinking I could be irritable and hard to live with for several days and then take the TV out of the bedroom, put it in your office and then forgive you. <\/p>\n
That sounds like kind of a bummer. <\/p>\n
It really does. I hate being irritable, and I like it when you’re happy. It sucks. We don’t get into any really good fights. <\/p>\n
We could fight about your unreasonable red shoe habit…<\/p>\n
You don’t have the moral high ground right now. You might want to save that for next time. <\/p>\n
Damn. <\/p>\n
Wait a second. That enormous thing in the living room isn’t supposed to be my birthday present, is it?<\/p>\n
It was a surprise. <\/p>\n
Well, shit. <\/p>\n
You’re welcome.<\/p>\n
I do kind of like naked Swedish vampires…they are probably even more awesome with 20 foot penises. <\/p>\n
20 foot penises would also be a great band name. <\/p>\n
It would!<\/p>\n
Does this mean you’re skipping past the part where you were going to be irritable?<\/p>\n
Well, I do love getting presents. The other TV is still coming out of our bedroom though. <\/p>\n
Damn. <\/p>\n
I’ll make up for it somehow. <\/p>\n
Really, I should be the one making a special effort. For your birthday. <\/p>\n
I’ll put some champagne in the fridge. <\/p>\n
Do you think you are dealing with an amateur?<\/p>\n
I do not deserve you. <\/p>\n
Ditto.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"