{"id":5967,"date":"2014-05-29T05:35:47","date_gmt":"2014-05-29T12:35:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=5967"},"modified":"2015-05-03T17:48:36","modified_gmt":"2015-05-04T00:48:36","slug":"an-imaginary-conversation-about-cell-phone-etiquette","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5967","title":{"rendered":"An imaginary conversation about cell phone etiquette"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Oh my God, no, don&#8217;t stop. Why did you stop? <\/p>\n<p>Seriously? You&#8217;re checking your phone? <\/p>\n<p>What?<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m leaving. <\/p>\n<p>Wait, don&#8217;t&#8230;why?<\/p>\n<p>Why? Are you fucking kidding? Do you think I&#8217;m a blow up doll and not an actual live human who might have feelings?<\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;re in the middle of something. <\/p>\n<p>Yeah, but apparently we&#8217;re not both in the middle of doing the same thing. <\/p>\n<p>What&#8217;s that supposed to mean?<\/p>\n<p>Put your fucking phone down.<\/p>\n<p>Why are you so mad?<\/p>\n<p>Because you are checking text messages while I suck your cock, and for some strange reason that upsets me. What the fuck is wrong with you? Who does that?<\/p>\n<p>No, I wasn&#8217;t&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>And now you&#8217;re lying about it. <\/p>\n<p>I apologize. It&#8217;s work. It was important. <\/p>\n<p>You&#8217;re busy. I know. But you aren&#8217;t a doctor on call. You aren&#8217;t waiting to hear if your client&#8217;s stay of execution has been awarded. If you are so married to work that you can&#8217;t even pretend to pay attention to me while we&#8217;re in bed, then why I am even here? Work is more important. <\/p>\n<p>Please don&#8217;t cry&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Do you have any idea at all how this feels? It&#8217;s degrading. It makes me feel like I am only here to service you. I might as well have a coin slot. At least then you&#8217;d pay attention so you get your money&#8217;s worth. <\/p>\n<p>That isn&#8217;t true&#8211;I love you. You know i do. I&#8217;m just really busy at work right now, and it&#8217;s invaded my personal life You know you&#8217;re important to me!<\/p>\n<p>Do I? I have been trying not to complain about it. I know it&#8217;s crazy right now and I want to be here for you. But you don&#8217;t get to act like I don&#8217;t even exist without dealing with me being upset about it.  If your priority is work? I can give you some additional time for it by not being here any more. <\/p>\n<p>No&#8230;I do want you here. I just&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>What? <\/p>\n<p>I just don&#8217;t have any time for myself or anyone else. <\/p>\n<p>I know. And I could be somewhere with someone who does have time for me. But you are the one I love. Even when you are being a douche.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m sorry, I really am..is there anything I can do to make it up to you?<\/p>\n<p>Be with me when you&#8217;re with me. I&#8217;m going to go downstairs and make some tea. Wrap up your work shit and join me.  If you can&#8217;t, let me go home where at least if I feel lonely and neglected it&#8217;s because I am actually alone. <\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ll be down in a few minutes. <\/p>\n<p>Maybe you will. Maybe you won&#8217;t. We&#8217;ll see. <\/p>\n<p><meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@site_username\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"Michelle's House of Horrors\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Perhaps. Maybe. Who knows?\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@creator_username\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image:src\" content=\"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/image.jpg\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:domain\" content=\"MichelleJolin.com\" \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Oh my God, no, don&#8217;t stop. Why did you stop? Seriously? You&#8217;re checking your phone? What? I&#8217;m leaving. Wait, don&#8217;t&#8230;why? Why? Are you fucking kidding? Do you think I&#8217;m a blow up doll and not an actual live human who might have feelings? We&#8217;re in the middle of something. Yeah, but apparently we&#8217;re not both &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5967\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">An imaginary conversation about cell phone etiquette<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[18,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5967","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-imaginary-conversation","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-1yf","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8149,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8149","url_meta":{"origin":5967,"position":0},"title":"An imaginary conversation about waking up cranky","author":"Michelle","date":"November 6, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"What do you want now? Uh, are you mad at me about something? Who is this? Someone who clearly caught you at a bad time. Oh God. I'm sorry...I thought it was someone else! Someone else calling from my phone? I was asleep. I wasn't tracking. Someone has called several\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7821,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=7821","url_meta":{"origin":5967,"position":1},"title":"An imaginary conversation about choices","author":"Michelle","date":"October 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"So, what did you end up having for dinner tonight? Popcorn. Popcorn? Just popcorn? Popcorn and a salad. And a salad? Why are you repeating everything I say? Because it seems sort of unlikely. Unlikely? Now you're doing it! Sorry. Don't be. So why popcorn? I was all stressed out\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9857,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9857","url_meta":{"origin":5967,"position":2},"title":"An imaginary conversation about having a really fucking bad day","author":"Michelle","date":"April 25, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! Bad day, Buttercup? Fuck everyone and the motherfucking horse they rode in on!\u00a0 Apparently so.\u00a0 I know I say this ironically all the fucking time, but why does everything have to be so hard? Oh, sweetie, don't cry...is there anything I can do? DON'T CALL\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7644,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=7644","url_meta":{"origin":5967,"position":3},"title":"An imaginary conversation about dating","author":"Michelle","date":"September 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You know what I would like to know? What? How do you even know when you're on a date and not just out with a friend of the opposite sex? Seriously? I'm a dating dumb ass. Humor me. Are you making out at some point after you've spent time together?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9641,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9641","url_meta":{"origin":5967,"position":4},"title":"An imaginary conversation about just wondering","author":"Michelle","date":"March 26, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Don't you ever wonder?Wander?No, wonder.\u00a0About what?Things...Things?Things!Any specific things?Yeah!I'm not following you...Don't you wonder? About things? Just in general? Like while you're walking around?What in the hell are you talking about? And don't sigh at me. Explain.\u00a0But I like to sigh. It's like a tiny little meditation.\u00a0It is almost entirely unlike\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5871,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5871","url_meta":{"origin":5967,"position":5},"title":"Imaginary conversation about cats","author":"Michelle","date":"May 20, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"How do you feel about cats? Cats? You know how I feel about cats. I hate cats. Hate is such a strong word. What did you do? Do? What do you mean what did I do? Did you get a fucking cat? I don't think a cat would be fucking,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/20140519-213600-77760144.jpg?fit=454%2C313&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5967","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5967"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5967\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5967"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5967"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5967"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}