Get your tail out of my nose. Some of us are trying to sleep in. <\/p>\n
Squeeeek. <\/p>\n
There is food in your dish. Go and eat it and leave me alone. <\/p>\n
Squeak. <\/p>\n
Shut up. You do, too. <\/p>\n
Peep. <\/p>\n
(Throws stupid cat on floor…one hour later he is back)<\/p>\n
Purrrrrrrrrrrr. Head butt. Purrrrrrrrrrr. <\/p>\n
Go away, Ratty. Remember what I said about sleeping? It’s still true. <\/p>\n
Purrrrrrr <\/p>\n
I don’t need a cat to lay on my head right now. Go away and be quiet. (Shoves cat to foot of bed)<\/p>\n
(Stupid cat puts his wet cat nose on my (still trying to sleep) nose and breathes intently.)<\/p>\n
A certain cat is going to be living outside permanently if he doesn’t get away from me with his icky cat nose. Do something useful. Make me some coffee. <\/p>\n
Squeak. <\/p>\n
Stupid rat. <\/p>\n
(Boops me on the nose with his paw)<\/p>\n
Goodbye, Kitty. (Kitty lands on the floor with a loud thump and stomps down the hall in a huff.) Little cat feet my ass.<\/p>\n
Mrrrrrrroooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww. <\/p>\n
I hate cats.<\/p>\n
(Clomp, clomp, clomp back to the bedroom like a herd of elephants with giant walkers and wooden clogs) Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (Jumps on headboard, stalks back and forth like a very rotund miniature tuxedo lion)<\/p>\n
Shut up and lay down. <\/p>\n
(Jumps from headboard onto pillow, walks down my entire body, flings himself dramatically into an elegant position and promptly goes to sleep)<\/p>\n
Fucker. You could have at least brought me the coffee. I hate cats. I am going to stay home all day today and poke you with a stick every time you fall asleep or even look like you are about to sit down. No! I am going to go to the pound and get the most irritating dog in the world to be on your ass night and day. I don’t care if I never sleep again. Making you suffer will be worth it (scritching Kitty under the chin) Asshole. Stop being cute. You aren’t impressing anyone.<\/p>\n
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