{"id":6359,"date":"2014-06-26T05:30:51","date_gmt":"2014-06-26T12:30:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=6359"},"modified":"2015-05-03T17:48:36","modified_gmt":"2015-05-04T00:48:36","slug":"an-imaginary-conversation-about-fun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6359","title":{"rendered":"An imaginary conversation about name calling"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This conversation would be a lot more fun if you were participating in it. <\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m sorry&#8211;what were you saying?<\/p>\n<p>Oh, never mind. It isn&#8217;t important. <\/p>\n<p>No, really. What is it?<\/p>\n<p>The moment has passed, it&#8217;s OK. <\/p>\n<p>Don&#8217;t be like that. <\/p>\n<p>Like what?<\/p>\n<p>Petulant. <\/p>\n<p>Petulant? Thanks. I was trying to be considerate since you are working. It just wasn&#8217;t worth repeating. <\/p>\n<p>What do you want to rant about now?<\/p>\n<p>Want to? Actually, I didn&#8217;t want to. Hence the &#8220;never mind&#8221; and &#8220;not important.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>You are being kind of passive aggressive, don&#8217;t you think?<\/p>\n<p>Considerate would be the word I&#8217;d use. I&#8217;m apparently on some sort of petulant yet passive aggressive roll today. I appreciate you letting me know about it. I might never have known otherwise. <\/p>\n<p>If you tell me that wasn&#8217;t sarcastic, I will punch you in the nuts. <\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t have nuts. <\/p>\n<p>Willfully missing the point? Can you concede sarcasm and being overly literal?<\/p>\n<p>Conceded. IF&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>If?<\/p>\n<p>If you will concede that you are acting like a dick and apologize for referring for referring to the person who asked you if you wanted a glass of wine as petulant and passive aggressive. <\/p>\n<p>You were offering me a drink?<\/p>\n<p>I was. I tried asking you several times. <\/p>\n<p>Is it too late now?<\/p>\n<p>It depends on the sincerity of your groveling when you apologize.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m sorry, but I am not very good at apologies. Or groveling. <\/p>\n<p>Or listening. Wow, you aren&#8217;t kidding about not being good at it. You must not want any wine. Or a salty dog. Or a blow job. Like, ever again. <\/p>\n<p>Maybe I should practice a bit and try later. I like all of the things you just mentioned. A lot. <\/p>\n<p>Uh huh. I mean, sure, you can get a bartender to bring you the drinks&#8230;but I am not going to be tolerant of someone else taking over sexual favors. <\/p>\n<p>OK. You&#8217;re right. We can fix this. I am thinking of an offer that you might find acceptable. <\/p>\n<p>Seriously? You are going to try to make a deal to get out of apologizing?<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s my nature to make deals. I think we can make this into a mutually beneficial transaction. <\/p>\n<p>Let me hear it. <\/p>\n<p>I will provide an adequate but not stellar apology, then I will bring you a drink, and take you out to dinner. <\/p>\n<p>We were going out to dinner anyway. Apology, drink, dinner wherever I want to go here in town, I get to pick the movie and we both put all electronic devices away for the night. <\/p>\n<p>Agreed, with a few amendments: if  we need to look up something related to the movie, we are allowed to do so if we put the phone away immediately. And we bring a phone in the car in case of emergency. <\/p>\n<p>Deal. I&#8217;m a little surprised you didn&#8217;t try for any sexual favors. Or offer any. <\/p>\n<p>That was very civilized of us. I&#8217;m very sorry I called you petulant and passive aggressive. You are neither, and I love you. <\/p>\n<p>That was very good. Apology accepted. Please ask the bartender to bring me a tequila greyhound while I consider dinner. <\/p>\n<p>Oui, Madame. I hope Madame will be happy with the service in this establishment. <\/p>\n<p>The waiter smells really good&#8230;do you think he puts out?<\/p>\n<p><meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@site_username\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"Michelle's House of Horrors\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Perhaps. Maybe. Who knows?\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@creator_username\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image:src\" content=\"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/20140416-195336.jpg\" \/><br \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:domain\" content=\"MichelleJolin.com\" \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This conversation would be a lot more fun if you were participating in it. I&#8217;m sorry&#8211;what were you saying? Oh, never mind. It isn&#8217;t important. No, really. What is it? The moment has passed, it&#8217;s OK. Don&#8217;t be like that. Like what? Petulant. Petulant? Thanks. I was trying to be considerate since you are working. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6359\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">An imaginary conversation about name calling<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[18,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6359","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-imaginary-conversation","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-1Ez","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7262,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=7262","url_meta":{"origin":6359,"position":0},"title":"An imaginary conversation about imaginary football boyfriends","author":"Michelle","date":"August 29, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You know what? No. Do you want to? Sure. You don't sound very enthusiastic about it! Maybe I will warm up as the conversation progresses. No pressure. None. OK. So are you going to tell me? What? The thing you were starting to say. Right. What was it? Uh... It's\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Football&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Football","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=17"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11561,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11561","url_meta":{"origin":6359,"position":1},"title":"An imaginary conversation about not being ticklish","author":"Michelle","date":"April 29, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"I like it when you do that... It doesn't tickle? No, I'm not ticklish. Anywhere? No, when I was 8 years old or so, I decided not to be ticklish anymore. Is that even possible? Yep. I did it, so it must be possible. Is that a challenge? Not at\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8459,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8459","url_meta":{"origin":6359,"position":2},"title":"An imaginary conversation about last words","author":"Michelle","date":"December 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I probably think about what happened more than I should. About what? I have last words on my mind. You know there was that thing last week. That really shitty thing that someone said to me. Why are you thinking about it at all? It was shitty. Right. It was.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9262,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9262","url_meta":{"origin":6359,"position":3},"title":"An imaginary conversation about inviting a man over","author":"Michelle","date":"February 11, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"So you have a second date with that guy? That's cool! Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. What are you going to do? We're going to have lunch and drinks, and then hang out at my place. No. Bad idea. Yes. Good idea. Are you nuts? Yes, but it has\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/IMG_2470-0.jpg?fit=341%2C391&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6745,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6745","url_meta":{"origin":6359,"position":4},"title":"An imaginary conversation about Zen Dogs","author":"Michelle","date":"July 23, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You know what I hate about the whole Zen thing? The stupid catch phrases. Be the dog. Give me a break. All hyper manic and friendly. Tails a-wagging. That's not me. It's just an expression. Thank you. Figured it wasn't literal. Still. I don't want to be the dog. I'm\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8149,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8149","url_meta":{"origin":6359,"position":5},"title":"An imaginary conversation about waking up cranky","author":"Michelle","date":"November 6, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"What do you want now? Uh, are you mad at me about something? Who is this? Someone who clearly caught you at a bad time. Oh God. I'm sorry...I thought it was someone else! Someone else calling from my phone? I was asleep. I wasn't tracking. Someone has called several\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Imaginary Conversation&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6359","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6359"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6359\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6359"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6359"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6359"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}