{"id":6404,"date":"2014-06-30T05:35:26","date_gmt":"2014-06-30T12:35:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=6404"},"modified":"2014-06-29T20:25:58","modified_gmt":"2014-06-30T03:25:58","slug":"learning-to-fly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6404","title":{"rendered":"Learning to fly"},"content":{"rendered":"

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
\nTake these broken wings and learn to fly
\nAll your life
\nYou were only waiting for this moment to arise.
\n–the Beatles\/Blackbird<\/p>\n

Well who hasn’t been there before?
\nI come round, around the hard way
\nBring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread
\nAnd serve you french toast again<\/p>\n

Well, o.k. I still get stoned
\nI’m not the kind of girl you’d take home
\n–Sheryl Crow\/If It Makes You Happy<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Going over boring, depressing financial stuff, and it is started to sink in that keeping the house might be more money than I can easily afford. I knew that, in theory, but it is starting to actually really hit me. Oh, I could give up extras and do it. But should I? <\/p>\n

Logically?
\nProbably not. <\/p>\n

Do I want to? Kind of. Sort of. I really like my house, but I know it is probably not a good idea in the long term. What if I decide I want to move to Montana or Italy? Not that I’m planning on it, particularly Montana, but there are obvious reasons that I might want to be more rather than less liquid right now.<\/p>\n

Like most things, it’s not all good or all bad news. The reason I can’t afford to keep the house is because it is worth more money than I thought it might be. The higher the assessed value, the higher the buyout. Simple math. Conversely, the higher the assessed value, the more cash there will be after it sells. <\/p>\n

It’s only money. It’s only a roof. I can be happy anywhere. I CAN be happy anywhere. I can be happy ANYWHERE. More importantly, whatever I choose to do, I will be financially better off than the vast majority of people in the world. So, once again, perspective is everything.<\/p>\n

From a purely rational look at it, which the best way to look at anything as purely..objective..as money, it will probably be best to sell and split the money rather than trying to love here. (Typo..that should obviously say “live here” but it is really spectacularly Freudian, so it stays)<\/p>\n

I don’t really need to own a house. There are practical reasons why it is simpler for a woman living alone to rent. Or any person in a period of transition, I suppose. <\/p>\n

But…it’s my house. It’s home, as much as a building can be. I like it here. My books are all here. <\/p>\n

What does my emotion about possibly leaving it behind mean, really? It only means that I am used to it here. Being in a comfort zone isn’t necessarily the best thing, but it is hard to move out of. It’s a comfort zone. A place where you want to stay, because IT’S COMFORTABLE. Sometimes things are comfortable because they are right for you. Other times being comfortable means your life has become stagnant. So how do you know which is which? <\/p>\n

Don’t ask me. I have no answers, only questions.<\/p>\n

I don’t know much about anything, I have learned.
\nI just keep trying to figure things out and grow. <\/p>\n

Sometimes learning to fly means letting go of the things holding you down.
\nIt always means a lot of falling down.
\nIt hopefully will mean a lot of getting back up again.<\/p>\n

Not hopefully. I know I’ll get back up. I always do. Call it stubborn. Call it resilient. Call it persistent. I can’t even give up on a book I don’t like.<\/p>\n

Give up on something as important as living life?
\nNot fucking likely. <\/p>\n

For one thing, i can’t give up because I haven’t tried that vodka that comes in a skull yet.<\/p>\n

Hey, if it keeps me getting back up, it doesn’t have to be profound. <\/p>\n


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Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise. –the Beatles\/Blackbird Well who hasn’t been there before? I come round, around the hard way Bring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread And serve … Continue reading Learning to fly<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6416,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6404","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/20140629-140932-50972583.jpg?fit=454%2C313&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-1Fi","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":9965,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9965","url_meta":{"origin":6404,"position":0},"title":"At the park","author":"Michelle","date":"May 10, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I got a kiss from a golden retriever puppy. I saw dandelion fluff floating Train tracks. Crickets. Tall redwoods, and just when I was feeling very small a man passed on a longboard and made me feel even smaller. Paths curving, and paths straightway and nothing ever really is as\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/image-e1431238560545.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":9172,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9172","url_meta":{"origin":6404,"position":1},"title":"A brief pause in the flow of words","author":"Michelle","date":"January 27, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Dear blog, Please excuse Michelle for not writing any words tonight. She was spinning. Bike spinning, not yarn spinning. Then she was cooking bacon and mushrooms. Then she was talking. And maybe drinking adult beverages. 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When you fly through them, it's completely dark and the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9148,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9148","url_meta":{"origin":6404,"position":3},"title":"Straw, meet the camel’s back..","author":"Michelle","date":"January 24, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I didn't know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of the throat and I'd cry for a week. --Sylvia Plath\/The Bell\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/IMG_2470-0.jpg?fit=341%2C391&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5672,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5672","url_meta":{"origin":6404,"position":4},"title":"College means dating, right? 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