You know, toddlers get what they want most of the time. And they act like total douche nozzles. <\/p>\n
They really do. <\/p>\n
I mean, they throw things, the scream when they are cranky, they kick and bite…and people love them. <\/p>\n
Isn’t that a genetic thing so the species survives? <\/p>\n
Sure, but why can’t I behave like that now?<\/p>\n
Would you want to?<\/p>\n
Maybe. <\/p>\n
Because….?<\/p>\n
Well, how many unhappy toddlers do you know? I mean, they scream for a minute and then they are over it. Maybe all I need to do is scream more. <\/p>\n
Scream more? Well. I am sure there is a reason it doesn’t work for adults. <\/p>\n
Just because people expect a certain kind of behavior doesn’t mean I have to comply does it?<\/p>\n
Maybe if you expect a paycheck. <\/p>\n
True enough. But how fun would it be to collapse on the floor in a conference room kicking my feet against the wall and screaming “nooooooo, nooooooooo, I don’t like youuuuuuuu nooooooo” and then suddenly giggling hysterically?<\/p>\n
You’d get your dress dirty, and people might see your underwear. <\/p>\n
So. Like honey badger, toddler me don’t care. I’d make sure I had nice underpants, though. <\/p>\n
Of course. <\/p>\n
Being a toddler is no excuse for ugly panties. <\/p>\n
Definitely not. <\/p>\n
But I think I should work myself up to screaming tantrums gradually. <\/p>\n
Well, yeah. You should warm up. <\/p>\n
Get people used to it a little at a time. <\/p>\n
That is a smart idea. <\/p>\n
Thanks. I was thinking I could start by stamping my little feet when someone does something I don’t like. <\/p>\n
Then what?<\/p>\n
Then I could work up to foot stomping with the additional “nooooooooooo, nooooooooo, noooooooooo” added in. <\/p>\n
How long were you thinking?<\/p>\n
To work my way up to the full hissy?<\/p>\n
Yeah. <\/p>\n
Three weeks, if I choose a fairly aggressive schedule. Five if I take a more relaxed approach. <\/p>\n
Toddlers take about 18-24 months to get there. <\/p>\n
But I do have some experience already. I mean, I have already been a toddler before. <\/p>\n
Ooh, good point! You just need to sort of coax it back out. <\/p>\n
I think I am up for the challenge. I just have to wait for someone to displease me. <\/p>\n
That shouldn’t take long. <\/p>\n
Nah. I should be working into my first foot stomp well before noon tomorrow. <\/p>\n
Let me know how that goes. <\/p>\n
I am really going to enjoy this. <\/p>\n
Until you get fired. <\/p>\n
I can walk the line. I know I can. <\/p>\n
Good luck!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"