{"id":6997,"date":"2014-08-11T16:27:43","date_gmt":"2014-08-11T23:27:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=6997"},"modified":"2014-08-11T18:24:15","modified_gmt":"2014-08-12T01:24:15","slug":"the-ruined-mothers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6997","title":{"rendered":"The Ruined Mothers"},"content":{"rendered":"

On Sunday morning, I was the last one up. Actually, I think I was the last one up every day. This is a surprise to…no one. Well, no one there had ever slept in the same house with me, so maybe they thought I would be an early riser. Who knows. On Sunday, everyone was up enjoying the day pretty early. I woke up to the sound of Kyle’s laugh drifting up through the window from the back deck where everyone was drinking coffee. I’m sure Kelly was telling a story. You know, there are a lot of worse ways to wake up than hearing people laughing while the sun streams in your window and you hear the ocean.<\/p>\n

Some of the quotes from the weekend follow…<\/p>\n

You need to trim the eyebrows on your boobs
\n–Kelly
\n(Not to me. Leave my boobs out of it. )<\/p>\n

I’m a hugger, not a slugger
\n-Kelly<\/p>\n

In which Kelly told us all about something called Docking which involves penises. It’s complicated. We think he made it up. I do NOT want to Google it.<\/p>\n

If we weren’t both circumcised it would be a whole different world.
\n-Rocky <\/p>\n

You need both a hoody and a woody for docking to occur.
\n–Kelly<\/p>\n

I was not quite sure if it was a good or a bad thing that all of the boys are circumcised. No, I didn’t check. No, I do not have the information first-hand on all of them.<\/p>\n

Did you see Kyle’s shaving kit? It says Dockers on it. I told you it’s for real. They even have a club shaving kit. That means he is a Docker for sure. You have to attend meetings to get the shaving kit.
\n–Kelly<\/p>\n

The theme for Sunday was art and music.<\/p>\n

The boys all have big heads. Kelly said “I totally ruined my mother.” I said “Ruined Mothers would be an excellent band name” aaaaaaand we were set for the day.<\/p>\n

The Ruined Mothers include:
\nKyle on kazoo
\nRocky on drum and vocals
\nKelly on kelbel, which is just like cowbell only mo’ betta.<\/p>\n

Future Albums from the Ruined Mothers:
\nSelf Titled
\nLed who? Meet the Ruined Mothers
\nPsycho Ceramics
\nSpiders and Seagulls
\nShave the Shrubs
\nKelly Took His Flap off (A Skort Song)<\/p>\n

Songs. I did a bad job as a scribe after a certain point. Once Kyle and Kelly started making growlers full of gin and tonics and bringing them to our spot in the sand, it got a little fuzzy:
\nWhat Happens to B-bud.
\nI Can’t Believe You Fucked My Mom
\nWith the Trunk Out
\nMe and You and Mom and Sue
\nFuck You, Babe<\/p>\n

I can’t wait until the first album is released.<\/p>\n

There are going to be official t-shirts, with “Don’t even ask” on the left front, the band logo on the back, and “I am never the designated driver” above the logo, Ruined Mothers below.<\/p>\n

The logo is a stick figure with an enormous head and x’s for eyes. We had it designed by our excellent team of graphic artists. The same ones responsible for drawing the custom art on Rocky’s tent.<\/p>\n

More to follow on the custom art…<\/p>\n

\"IMG_7716\"<\/a>\"IMG_7719-0\"<\/a>\"IMG_7696-0\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On Sunday morning, I was the last one up. Actually, I think I was the last one up every day. This is a surprise to…no one. Well, no one there had ever slept in the same house with me, so maybe they thought I would be an early riser. Who knows. On Sunday, everyone was … Continue reading The Ruined Mothers<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6992,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6997","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/IMG_7716.jpg?fit=1536%2C2048&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-1OR","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6209,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6209","url_meta":{"origin":6997,"position":0},"title":"Bend, part deux","author":"Michelle","date":"June 16, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Pictures. Crappy ones! Because...well...there is a lot of beer in Bend. And wine. And, uh, whiskey. Like Rick, Kelly is a glass filler. When your glass is never empty it is really hard to know how many pints down you are. Since my liver punched me in the eye and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/image10.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/image10.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/image10.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/image10.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7764,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=7764","url_meta":{"origin":6997,"position":1},"title":"On a break..","author":"Michelle","date":"October 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Breakfast in Springfield with Sharon. After a gorgeous drive, I had lunch and a pint in Bend with Mollie, then went up to Crux for another pint and then headed over to Kelly and Diane's. Another pint. Then dinner. Saturday is pizza fest. Kelly cooked Friday night to get ready.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/IMG_1795.jpg?fit=540%2C960&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/IMG_1795.jpg?fit=540%2C960&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/IMG_1795.jpg?fit=540%2C960&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1616,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=1616","url_meta":{"origin":6997,"position":2},"title":"spam spam spam spam spamity spam","author":"Michelle","date":"September 22, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Once in every show There comes a song like this It starts out soft and low And ends up with a kiss. --Spamalot\/The Song That Goes Like This This weekend, Ma and I went on a road trip to Bend to see our friend Mollie rock Bend as the Lady\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":767,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=767","url_meta":{"origin":6997,"position":3},"title":"Inside Michelle’s brain, episode 1","author":"Michelle","date":"August 5, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"This is an actual conversation that took place inside of my head. It's a scary place. Dark and full of cobwebs. I'd advise you not to look in there. Once you see it, it can't ever be unseen. It's 21:00 hours, and it's hot. About 81 outside, and about 83\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "hmmm"","block_context":{"text":"hmmm","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9232,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9232","url_meta":{"origin":6997,"position":4},"title":"An imaginary conversation about a first meeting","author":"Michelle","date":"February 6, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"How will I recognize you? You've seen several pictures of me. I'll look like the person in my pictures, and I am wearing black today. You and half the city True. Look for the colorful chest. I thought you were coming straight from work? I am--so? Are you going to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5600,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5600","url_meta":{"origin":6997,"position":5},"title":"Body image","author":"Michelle","date":"May 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"So for whatever reason, OK because it's the end of fat camp, I've been thinking and writing a lot about body image lately. Mine has never been great. I don't think I know any woman who hasn't gone through struggles with accepting the way she looks. When I was a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6997","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6997"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6997\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6997"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6997"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6997"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}