{"id":7364,"date":"2014-09-08T05:30:59","date_gmt":"2014-09-08T12:30:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=7364"},"modified":"2014-09-10T18:52:26","modified_gmt":"2014-09-11T01:52:26","slug":"that-is-how-i-knew","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=7364","title":{"rendered":"That’s how I knew…"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m getting ready to go
\n‘Cause baby, that’s all I know
\nHow to open the door
\nAnd though the exit is crude
\nIt saves me coming unglued
\nFor when you’re not in the mood
\nFor the gloves and the canvas floor
\nThat’s how I knew this story would break my heart
\nWhen you wrote it
\n–Aimee Mann \/That’s How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There are always stories that break our hearts. Sometimes, they yank everything right out from under your feet unexpectedly. Other times you know the heartbreak is coming. You know. And you can’t help it. You are going to break his heart or he is going to break yours, and you see it coming from miles away, and it is inevitable and you know someone will hurt, maybe both of you, but you can’t stop it. Or they can’t. Or they won’t. <\/p>\n

Or you don’t want to stop it. <\/p>\n

Maybe you just want the story to keep going on because it is beautiful even if it hurts. Or even if you think it might be a lie. <\/p>\n

Maybe you want to enjoy the book before the final chapter comes, along with the broken heart, but you can see it happening. The book ending. Or changing into something different if you can keep from hurting each other so much that you burn the book and scatter the ashes. If you are lucky, a new books starts. Or a new chapter. <\/p>\n

Or you put the book on the shelf. You try not to take it down too much. Sometimes it never comes back down. You can’t think about it. Other times, years go by and suddenly there are new words being written. <\/p>\n

You just don’t know. <\/p>\n

Until you see the new lines. <\/p>\n

Right now it seems like everything is about beginnings and endings and change. I suppose that is always how it is, really. Life. People come together and move apart. People get married. They have children. They live and die. People get sick. They fall in love. Out of love. They laugh and cry. Smile or sigh. Stories starting, ending, changing. <\/p>\n

How do you know a story is going to break your heart?
\nBecause everything does, at least a little. <\/p>\n

If your heart doesn’t break a little on a regular basis, if you don’t have a heart open enough to feel, what do you miss in life? A little heartache. Oh, maybe a lot of heartbreak. But without the heartbreak do you get the joy?<\/p>\n

I suspect that if your heart isn’t open to heartbreak it isn’t open to love, either. Or deep feelings in general. <\/p>\n

Maybe that is OK. <\/p>\n

The opposite is also true, I suppose. If your heart is too open then you feel everything. <\/p>\n

It would be unbearable. <\/p>\n

So we muddle through trying to find the balance of openness and armor that let’s us be feeling beings, but not dissolve under the weight of the world’s sadness. Always adjusting. I’m skewed a little on the overly vulnerable side right now. Maybe for the first time since I was a teenager. It is a little hard to get used to. Emotions come out of nowhere sometimes and I don’t quite know what to do with it except feel them a little too much. <\/p>\n

And I wouldn’t change it. <\/p>\n

Even though I know that it will break my heart a little. <\/p>\n

The cracks might be what let all of the good things in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m getting ready to go ‘Cause baby, that’s all I know How to open the door And though the exit is crude It saves me coming unglued For when you’re not in the mood For the gloves and the canvas floor That’s how I knew this story would break my heart When you wrote it … Continue reading That’s how I knew…<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7364","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-1UM","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":219,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=219","url_meta":{"origin":7364,"position":0},"title":"Write your own story","author":"Michelle","date":"July 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"That's how I knew this story would break my heart When you wrote it -- Aimee Mann \u00a0 If you write your own story, does that mean you'll break your own heart or someone else's? Is some sort of heartbreak mandatory? \u00a0 At some point, I suppose, if you are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4533,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=4533","url_meta":{"origin":7364,"position":1},"title":"Validation is mine sayeth The Lord. Oh wait, that was me.","author":"Michelle","date":"March 21, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This has been an excellent week for the sarcastic, foul mouthed fat people of the world. Suck it, goody two shoes. First, I read a story somewhere last weekend that indicates that there's yet another study which shows that dark chocolate is good for you. Then later that same day,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":591,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=591","url_meta":{"origin":7364,"position":2},"title":"And all I ever meant to do was to keep you","author":"Michelle","date":"August 2, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"And under the boughs unbowed All clothed in a snowy shroud She had no heart so hardened All under the boughs unbowed Each feather it fell from skin Till threadbare while she grew thin --the Decemberists\/the Crane Wife 3 \u00a0 Sound the keening bell To see it's painted red Soft\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Music"","block_context":{"text":"Music","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=9"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6551,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6551","url_meta":{"origin":7364,"position":3},"title":"The lighter side of blood and gore…lighter side?","author":"Michelle","date":"July 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"My intention was to keep it light today. Something funny. Something airy. Something about television. So, how do you keep it light, funny and airy when your two favorite shows are about love and death? Heavy on the death. Gruesome death. Somehow, though, True Blood still manages to keep it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/20140706-191531-69331077.jpg?fit=454%2C313&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5091,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5091","url_meta":{"origin":7364,"position":4},"title":"What I didn’t know then","author":"Michelle","date":"April 18, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I wish I didn't know now What I didn't know then. --Bob Seger\/Against The Wind You like to think that knowing more is better. That's mostly true, I guess. You can probably never have too much general knowledge. Other things, like the things you learn about life and about people,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/20140415-070214.jpg?fit=225%2C300&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":11471,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11471","url_meta":{"origin":7364,"position":5},"title":"An imaginary conversation about compliments","author":"Michelle","date":"April 10, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"So the other night, this guy told me he likes me because our conversations are random and weird. Oh, I'm sorry! Why? It was a great compliment. It was? Sometimes I don't think you know me at all... You do say weird things a lot. Right. And it's one of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7364","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7364"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7364\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}