{"id":750,"date":"2013-08-23T06:05:52","date_gmt":"2013-08-23T13:05:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=750"},"modified":"2013-08-22T19:21:09","modified_gmt":"2013-08-23T02:21:09","slug":"help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=750","title":{"rendered":"A little help from my friends"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

Only hope can keep me together
\nLove can mend your life
\nBut love can break your heart<\/p>\n

I’ll send an SOS to the world<\/p>\n

—the Police\/Message in a bottle<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
I search myself
\nI want you to find me
\nI forget myself
\nI want you to remind me<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
–Divinyls\/I Touch Myself<\/strong><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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Love.<\/div>\n
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Wow.<\/div>\n
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What can I possibly say about love that hasn’t already been said a bajillion times by far more compelling writers?<\/div>\n
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Not a damn thing.<\/div>\n
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Luckily, it’s an inexhaustible topic.<\/div>\n
It’s an inexhaustible resource, too. At least I hope it is.<\/div>\n
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But I don’t really want to talk about love exactly.<\/div>\n
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Here’s the thing. Most of us are surrounded by people who love us and who we love. It is pretty fucking fantastic, right? We are surrounded by people who would love nothing more than to show us how much they love us by supporting us and helping us when we are in trouble.<\/div>\n
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If they knew.<\/div>\n
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That’s the sticky part, isn’t it? We all know people who need help all the time. Who are constantly asking for favors. Who can never do anything on their own. And we do not want to be those people.<\/div>\n
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So what happens?<\/div>\n
We don’t ever ask.<\/div>\n
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We don’t want to be one of “those people.”<\/div>\n
(Unless you’re reading this and suspect you might be one of the people in the preceding paragraph, that is. In that case–cut it out. Try some independence. You might like it.)<\/div>\n
(Do you suppose “those people” know they are “those people?”<\/div>\n
I always wonder about that.)<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
For most of us, it’s hard to ask for help. Pride? Independence? Not wanting to be a bother? Embarrassment? All of the above? There have been many times in my life where I really needed help and have not been willing to ask. It made things harder than they needed to be for me. Situations spun out of control that maybe didn’t need to.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Sometimes I’ve been lucky enough to have people who care about me intervene without my asking. In one case, not to be overly dramatic, with possibly life saving results.<\/div>\n
Other times, I’ve been…um…oh let’s not be diplomatic…I’ve been an idiot and turned down help. Or just not listened to advice offered. Good advice, too.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Ideally, in my mind, people would magically just know what I need and give it to me without asking. Because if they ask, I will say I don’t need a thing. Yeah, I’m perverse that way. I also realize that it’s just not going to work out for me most of the time.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
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So, what’s the solution?<\/div>\n
I don’t know. Like I just said, sometimes I’m an idiot.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The solution is to not be an idiot, because expecting people to read your mind and come to your rescue like magic is just not realistic.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Hey, what sort of advice do you expect from me? I’m in IT support, not psychology. I don’t even play a psychologist on TV. I played a cowboy once in a musical, but that’s not a psychologist either.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Yes, a singing cowboy.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I really wanted to play a sweet young thing, but one of the cowboys moved away, so they recast me as a cowboy because I already knew all the lines. I had to take off my pants onstage and prance around in long johns. In the sixth grade, it was moderately traumatic for a shy girl to prance around being a male cowboy in long johns.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I’m pretty much over it now.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
Oh we just got in from Abilene and we’re mean<\/div>\n
We’re the roughest toughest men these folks ever seen<\/div>\n
Oh we smoke and fight and sing the whole night through<\/div>\n
And when we talk the atmosphere turns blue.<\/div>\n
–The Saga Of Dead Dog Gulch<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
<\/div>\n
Maybe I’m not as over it as I think I am….<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Someone help me.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Please.<\/div>\n
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  Only hope can keep me together Love can mend your life But love can break your heart I’ll send an SOS to the world —the Police\/Message in a bottle I search myself I want you to find me I forget myself I want you to remind me –Divinyls\/I Touch Myself Love. Wow. What can … Continue reading A little help from my friends<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-750","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7lr3R-help","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8715,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8715","url_meta":{"origin":750,"position":0},"title":"Is there ever really a good-bye?","author":"Michelle","date":"December 23, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Either you can leave the past behind Or give me something to disconnect my mind I sleep with my fists clenched tight When I don't lie awake all night I guess time gave up the ghost too late And the balance of our love Very soon turns to hate --E.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/20140706-191531-69331077.jpg?fit=454%2C313&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":8870,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8870","url_meta":{"origin":750,"position":1},"title":"The gift that keeps on giving…doubt","author":"Michelle","date":"January 3, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The unfair thing about people who fuck you over is this: Even though I am making so much progress in being more open and more trusting of people, and even though most people haven't done a damn thing to earn the slightest bit of doubt from me, and even though\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/20140706-191531-69331077.jpg?fit=454%2C313&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6569,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6569","url_meta":{"origin":750,"position":2},"title":"A year in the life","author":"Michelle","date":"July 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Though I know I'll never lose affection For people and things that went before I know I'll often stop and think about them In my life I love you more --the Beatles\/In My Life On July 12th, 2013 I posted this: Is it a trick? What I absolutely did not\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7617,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=7617","url_meta":{"origin":750,"position":3},"title":"Uncomfortable about being uncomfortable","author":"Michelle","date":"September 23, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"We wanted to find love We wanted success Until nothing was enough Until my middle name was excess --PJ Harvey\/We Float I held a dandelion That said the time had come To leave upon the wind Not to return When summer burned the earth again --Elton John-Bernie Taupin\/Curtains So, I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11881,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11881","url_meta":{"origin":750,"position":4},"title":"On being a mean human","author":"Michelle","date":"August 19, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"The other day I looked myself right in the eyes in the mirror and thought \u201cstop being such a moron.\u201d It was, as it always is, work related. In my personal life, I generally don\u2019t think I am stupid. Well, there was that long interlude of ..never mind that. At\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8788,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8788","url_meta":{"origin":750,"position":5},"title":"Resolutions? Year in review? Bah","author":"Michelle","date":"December 31, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Where there is hatred let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. And where there is sadness, joy --The prayer of St. Francis \u00a0 I wanted a perfect ending. 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