{"id":9285,"date":"2015-02-14T05:00:49","date_gmt":"2015-02-14T13:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=9285"},"modified":"2015-02-13T21:43:01","modified_gmt":"2015-02-14T05:43:01","slug":"this-is-how-my-brain-feels","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9285","title":{"rendered":"This…is how my brain feels…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"(null)\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Scary, yeah?<\/p>\n

It’s not that I’m sad, or stressed out…but for some reason, I am not sleeping well. Right. I know. I’ve said that before, but then I started sleeping again. The last month or so, not so much. I fall asleep with no trouble at all, and then 0200 rolls around like a big old insomniac fog and lands right on top of me.<\/p>\n

Don’t get me wrong–I like saying hello to 0200 as much as anyone–but not on a work night.<\/p>\n

The thing that is a little bit different, is that I’m not awake with my brain spinning. I’m not carrying around imaginary conversations. Which is good. So the question of why I am awake remains.<\/p>\n

Part of it is (FUCK) my age. I wake up in a sweat. If I am going to do the menopause thing, that’s great, really, but can I get to the “pause” part if I have to have hot flashes in the middle of the night? It really doesn’t seem reasonable to expect me to have bleeding AND sweating. KThxBai.<\/p>\n

I also wonder if maybe there’s been a little more socializing than my poor introverted psyche can manage. Which means I ought to be a complete wreck by Monday, since my weekend is going to be all socializing all the time. Whee. <\/p>\n

But it’s fuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnn. I love my people!
\nRemind me of that when you come and visit me in the psych ward. You WILL come and visit me, right? RIGHT?<\/p>\n

Or then there is always this: I could be stressing about something and repressing it. That would suck. I think I have more or less managed to put that sort of thing behind me, but I suppose I could have backslid without realizing. <\/p>\n

I guess I can consider the options when I am up again at 0200!<\/p>\n

Happy Hallmark Day.
\nLove ’em if you’ve got ’em?..<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scary, yeah? It’s not that I’m sad, or stressed out…but for some reason, I am not sleeping well. Right. I know. I’ve said that before, but then I started sleeping again. The last month or so, not so much. I fall asleep with no trouble at all, and then 0200 rolls around like a big … Continue reading This…is how my brain feels…<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9285","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7lr3R-2pL","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":5458,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5458","url_meta":{"origin":9285,"position":0},"title":"What I wonder about, wide awake 0200","author":"Michelle","date":"April 30, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Somehow, through the days I don't give in I hide the tears That wait within But then through sleepless nights I cry again --F. and B. Bryant\/Sleepless Nights Words. I wonder about words. Specifically: I wonder if there is a certain number of words that you have to know in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10032,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=10032","url_meta":{"origin":9285,"position":1},"title":"0200 Daniel Boone and the moon","author":"Michelle","date":"May 15, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Wake up at 0150 because I am female and fifty-one, and drenched in sweat.\u00a0 Get up and take a shower.\u00a0 Come back to bed, see a missed call from a cute guy.\u00a0 Why would someone call at 0124 and not leave a message? Why would someone call at 0124 at\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6479,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=6479","url_meta":{"origin":9285,"position":2},"title":"0200 again??","author":"Michelle","date":"July 2, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"It is not due to any mental distress, I don't think. It is just too hot to sleep, even with the AC going in the bedroom. Oh, so that's why. It was blowing warm air in because the hose popped off the back. 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It might be a rabbit hole involving a book, or a niggling idea that wants\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1508,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=1508","url_meta":{"origin":9285,"position":4},"title":"Asleep or awake, it’s hard to tell until it’s obvious","author":"Michelle","date":"September 16, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 The dream police, they live inside of my head The dream police, they come to me in my bed The dream police, they're coming to arrest me, oh, no --Cheap Trick\/The Dream Police \u00a0 Not to belabor the point, but I've been a little ill lately. This sometimes leads\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "hmmm"","block_context":{"text":"hmmm","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5407,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=5407","url_meta":{"origin":9285,"position":5},"title":"Being complicit with evil","author":"Michelle","date":"April 28, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"There is a recurring nightmare that I have been having since the mid '90's. Not regularly, but every several years it makes an appearance. Sometimes it returns over a period of several weeks. It is never a welcome visitor. In the beginning, it's always an airport. 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