{"id":9519,"date":"2015-03-09T05:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-03-09T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michellejolin.com\/wordpress\/?p=9519"},"modified":"2015-03-08T21:29:17","modified_gmt":"2015-03-09T04:29:17","slug":"9519","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9519","title":{"rendered":"Seeing"},"content":{"rendered":"

But there is another kind of seeing that involves a letting go. When I see this way I sway transfixed and emptied. The difference between the two ways of seeing is the difference between walking with and without a camera. When I walk with a camera I walk from shot to shot, reading the light on a calibrated meter. When I walk without a camera, my own shutter opens, and the moment\u2019s light prints on my own silver gut. 
–Annie Dillard<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a difference between wanting to be looked at and wanting to be seen. <\/p>\n

When you are looked at, your eyes can stay blissfully closed. You suck energy, you steal the spotlight. When you are seen, your eyes must be open, as you are seeing and recognizing your witness. You accept energy and you generate energy. You create light. <\/p>\n

One is exhibitionism, the other is connection. <\/p>\n

Not everybody wants to be looked at. Everybody wants to be seen.
–Amanda Palmer\/the Art of Being Asked<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In the wonderful world of online dating, a woman gets a lot of compliments on her looks. I suspect this is the case even for women who are not physically attractive. The default male message seems to be “hey you’re cute, wanna chat?”<\/p>\n

And it bothers me. So much so that in my profile where it says “message me if…” I asked for men to message me if they had something to say that wasn’t only about my appearance. This lead to a conversation with someone I really like apologizing for saying he thought I was beautiful. It’s not that I don’t like it when people like the way I look…I just don’t like for that to be the main thing. <\/p>\n

Well. <\/p>\n

It set me off. I mean, why does it bug me so much? I wear cosmetics to enhance the way I look. I’m more than a little vain about my eyes. I’m not shy about rocking a low cut shirt. <\/p>\n

But. <\/p>\n

What I really want is for someone to love the way I think. To find my mind beautiful. To love the look on my face when I am figuring something out. To find ways to make me laugh because he loves my giggle. To smile at me when I sing in the car. What I want is for someone to see me. Who I am on the inside. If he likes the way I look on the outside too? Perfect. <\/p>\n

Being seen is a whole other thing. <\/p>\n

Being seen brings something that adds to both of you. You see each other. Having someone see you, and know you and love you for who you are is a huge gift. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

But there is another kind of seeing that involves a letting go. When I see this way I sway transfixed and emptied. The difference between the two ways of seeing is the difference between walking with and without a camera. When I walk with a camera I walk from shot to shot, reading the light … Continue reading Seeing<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9519","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7lr3R-9519","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":10063,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=10063","url_meta":{"origin":9519,"position":0},"title":"Spider in the skylight","author":"Michelle","date":"June 26, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"There was a spider on the skylight.\u00a0 Its web was backlit by the sun streaming in, making the woman shade her eyes as she looked up at it from the bed below.\u00a0 She hated spiders. She rolled over and tried to pick up the cup of water on the bare\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9532,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=9532","url_meta":{"origin":9519,"position":1},"title":"Zombie dream","author":"Michelle","date":"March 11, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"In the dream, they are hiding. The people are hiding, or rather trying not to let themselves be seen while watching some men pass by down on the ground. They are upstairs, looking down from an attic window which appears to have been shot out. 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Angels were apparently no better about answering simple questions than human men, but she had definitely\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Words"","block_context":{"text":"Words","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/michellejolin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/IMG_2470-0.jpg?fit=341%2C391&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":11878,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=11878","url_meta":{"origin":9519,"position":3},"title":"My blog is now officially a nag","author":"Michelle","date":"August 2, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"The other day as I picked through what seemed like a thousand different issues preventing me from logging into the blog, I ran across a setting to have the blog notify me with reminders to write something. I have a feeling I will regret turning it on, especially since I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Random thoughts","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8301,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=8301","url_meta":{"origin":9519,"position":4},"title":"An imaginary conversation about seeing things differently","author":"Michelle","date":"November 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Don't you ever wonder about how we see things? Philosophically? No, literally. With our eyes? No. Well, yes. There are obviously scientific facts about things we see. Colors come from the way the light waves bounce or something like that, and those things are quantifiable, right? I guess. Science isn't\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Imaginary Conversation"","block_context":{"text":"Imaginary Conversation","link":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":947,"url":"https:\/\/michellejolin.com\/?p=947","url_meta":{"origin":9519,"position":5},"title":"If you want it, here it is, come and get it","author":"Michelle","date":"August 24, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 The moth don't care if the flame is real cuz flame and moth got a sweetheart deal. --Aimee Mann\/the Moth \u00a0 There is a lot of talk in\u00a0 the inspirational quotes racket about getting what you want, knowing what you want, wanting what you get. \u00a0 Wanting. 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