Merry Christmas–yes, Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on
our troubles will be out of sight.
–Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas/H. Martin and R. Blane

No, I am not early. In my family, holidays are often celebrated on random days that suit our schedules. This happens when most of the people involved work in healthcare in some capacity.

This year, Christmas was on 12/19.
And most of the gifts I ordered arrived on time. Most. Oops. Ken and Nic will just have to get a few more presents later!

We missed our main gift distributor Justin this year. He’ll be celebrating Christmas in England, which seems awfully far away. We love you, Justin.

Pretty standard stuff–delicious lasagne and spaghetti for dinner. Thank you, little brother.

Copious gifts.

You know, I am not ashamed to admit how much I love opening presents. I don’t even really care what is in the packages, I just love the paper and ribbon and the idea that someone thought about me. Silly, maybe, but true.

In fact, I am just going to say it:
I love the holidays.
The decorations.
The lights.
The songs, except for a few that need to be banished.
Making candy.
Turkey.
Mashed potatoes.
Getting together with family and friends.

Soon to come: hanging out with the Doctor, probably my last birthday dinner this year, another Christmas dinner at Ken and Nicole’s, and New Year’s Eve followed by the Rose Bowl on Tequila Hill. My liver is all a-flutter.

And miscellaneous surprises, I am sure.

Resolutions?
Hmm…not usually my thing. Maybe I will think about it this year.
With all of the changes in my life, it would be a good idea to take stock and see where I am with it all.

To be continued.

Chinks in our armor

Let’s do it. Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.
–Love, Actually

Vulnerability, I’m finding, seems to be a really important piece of being a happy human being. In order for people to connect, they have to see each other on a fairly deep level. They have to really know who they are inside. They have to trust the other person not to sack their emotional village.

And trust, initially, involves blind faith. In order to know if you can trust someone, you have to just trust them and see what happens.

Of course it has to be balanced. You want to be vulnerable in spots, like Achilles, as opposed to being a door mat that anyone can tear up as much as they want. When I talk about being open and vulnerable, I don’t mean defenseless. We have to protect ourselves while still letting people see us.

This is what I am wondering about right now. I am feeling particularly vulnerable and am wondering if I am doing something really stupid. Trusting someone I shouldn’t.

One of those mind vs heart cage matches, and I am listening to my heart.

My brain says I am a fool.

If I’m wrong, it will hurt. If I’m right, though…
And wouldn’t you rather be hurt for giving someone one too many chances than not giving them a chance at all?

Daisy

There’s a girl in the yard
Surrounded by daisies
Loves me,
Loves me not.
Loves me,
Loves me not.

Loves me not?
And the daisy flies into the pile of wilted stems at her feet.

She picks another.

Loves me,
Loves me not.
Loves me,
Loves me not.

Loves me not.

Another daisy goes flying.

Loves me not.
Loves. Me. Not.

Another, flying.

The pile at her feet grows.

She keeps picking new daisies.

Loves me,
Loves me not.
Loves me,
Loves me not.

Loves me.
Loves me.
Finally.

She tucks the daisy behind her ear,
Kicks the pile of loves me nots out of the way
And sets out to conquer the world.