Hey, how are you feeling?
Better, not great. I think I am going to live!
When you’re sick, do you think you are a whiner?
Not really. I mean, everyone whines a little..but I don’t think I am excessive about it.
Do you disagree?
You talk a lot about dying for someone with a cold…
That isn’t whining. It’s being melodramatic.
Is there a difference?
Care to explain it?
I don’t know if I want to. It wasn’t very nice of you to imply that I am a whiner. Why are you concerned about my disposition anyway? You don’t have to be anywhere near me in either sickness or health. You are in a uniquely privileged position to avoid any flare ups of illness related defects in my temper entirely.
Is that what you meant about being dramatic?
Melodramatic, and no. That was being sarcastic with a little tinge of snideness. A soupçon of churlishness.
Bringing out all the fancy words? Just for me?
Just for you. You inspire my vocabulary.
Good to know.
So, are you?
Whiny when you’re sick?
I hate you.
Clearly you’re hostile….
I have a cough that can be heard from Canada, and I feel like I have been run over by a fleet of semi trucks. Whiny is the least of my worries, and yes that was fucking dramatic.
Huh. You’re a lot easier to pick on when you’re sick. There isn’t really any challenge to it. It seems unsporting to go on.
You are a bad, bad person. You should be kind to the infirm.
You like me.
Not at the moment.
No. I always love you, but I dislike you quite often.
You dislike me? How often? Is it a regular thing?
I will send you a pie chart graph of my feelings when I am better.
A rough estimate.
55% of the time.
That does seem high. I will have to start a daily log. If I am going to go through the trouble of creating a chart, I may as well go full insanity on it…
What are you going to use to quantify your dislike?
I don’t know. I haven’t ever graphed it before. What would you recommend?
A daily scale of 1-5?
Simple. Do you think it’s too basic?
OK then. There’s a problem though.
What’s the problem?
I usually only dislike you intensely for very short periods. It might be hard to capture in a graph.
Why is that?
Right now you are humoring me in my bizarre plan to graph how much I dislike you. That makes me like you. It’s endearing. You do shit like that almost every time I dislike you.
Irresistible, I am.
It really pisses me off.
No, I am not.
I think I am going to drink a pint of codeine and go to bed.
Good night, Drama Queen.
Good night, Creep.