This post might be considered offensive by some people. If you are at all offended by sex, or people (me) talking about it, this might be a post for you to skip.
Or, if you are my mother.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
When I was about 35, a group of girlfriends known as the CLITS (Christian Ladies Inspirational Testimonial society) went out for drinks.
On this epic night, I discovered that not all women swallow.
I do not and did not consider myself a sexual naive. Not swallowing‽ It had never occurred to me that not swallowing was an option after a blow job. Even at 13. It just seemed like the polite thing to do.
Oh. Yeah. I’m talking about blow jobs. Maybe I should warn people. Done.
I was not sexually inexperienced in the least. When I was 35, I mean. How could I not know that this was something that not everyone did? Not that I would opt out at this point, but I found it more than a little baffling to learn that some people would just spit.
The group was evenly divided between swallowers and the newly discovered non-swallowers. I was appalled at this turn of events. I am, it turns out, a little militant about swallowing. In my opinion, it is not…good sexual etiquette… to not swallow.
Spitting it out? Isn’t that kind of a sexual buzz kill? To me, it’s right up there with wiping your mouth off after kissing someone. Or a man refusing to go down on a woman. Or a woman going down on a woman, if that’s your ideal. Not behavior I can condone at all, no matter how much respect I have for different sexual preferences in general.
Maybe it’s more about the spitting than the sex. I do hate spitting in general.
The news got worse. Not only do some women refuse to swallow, but some women consider blowjobs as something to be “gotten through” rather than enjoyed. My own personal preferences in the matter run strongly to teasing and prolonging. Bring him to the edge and back it off until his eyes roll so far back into his head that he’ll need eye surgery? Yes.
Of course, I have to say a lot of guys are bad at getting a blow job. Not only are some men too goal oriented About it, but they don’t seem to realize that there is a human being on the other end of their dick who is doing something that will have an outcome that they are theoretically in favor of. They probably should not grab her by the hair and try to suffocate her while she is doing her best to make them have an orgasm. Unless she’s into that. There is a delicate line between indicating a preference and taking over. Since it’s the blow job giver who is likely to gag and choke, she’s the one who should really be deciding how much she wants to take on and how far you can go. Try moaning and asking her to go deeper or faster or whatever. If she can, she will. Plus, she will enjoy the moaning. We all like positive reinforcement.
It isn’t just about getting a guy off as quickly as possible unless the person giving you the blow job is a hooker. Even then, don’t hold her head until she gags on you.
We don’t want to have to bite, but we will.
Let us enjoy it.
Part of the attraction, I suppose, is an aspect of power. Having a man get hard in your mouth, because of what you are doing with your mouth and hands, is an almost magical experience. It is extremely powerful to have someone’s pleasure so completely in your control. I loved blow jobs from the very first one I ever gave as a teenager. The idea that I could do something that would make someone feel that good was a huge turn on for me. I hear it feels good, too. Strange that I will never know how it feels from the receiving end. Having a penis would be a whole new world…
We’ll talk about penises and how I don’t want to have one some other time. The masturbating must be nice though.
So, back to the CLITS:
We were having dinner in a Mexican place on Broadway, and got progressively raunchier as the margaritas flowed. After a couple of rounds, the manager pointed out that we were in a family restaurant and asked us to leave. Oops. At least any children present were well informed about how rude it is to spit in bed, and that there are discrete options of doing so if you are a non-swallowing beotch. Depending on which side of the argument you favor, either the towel of shame or the rag of redemption would be employed.
Seriously? Spitting into a towel is the best you can do?
Clearly I take this personally for some reason.
Don’t be bringing your towel of shame into my boudoir, missy.
We ended the evening in a tapas bar. Many more drinks. The discussion continued. When we stood to go, we got a round of applause from the tables around us, largely on the strength of ML’s emotional and arousing yet poetic discussion of exactly what she liked to do to a man’s cock with her mouth, and why. It was one of the best times I have ever had in a bar.
We were all happy that the other people in the bar enjoyed it as much as we did.