Oct 20

An imaginary conversation about what is wrong with me

As my emotional attorney, I feel that it is your duty to advise me on why I am having so much weird shit happen every time I am around men.

I didn’t know you were even dating anyone.

I’m not.

Then how can you be having a bad time with men?

Well, I mean, I do spend a lot of time around men for someone who isn’t dating.

We’re really going to have to revisit the whole thing about what dating is at some point.

Agreed. Not now, though. I don’t think I am emotionally equipped to figure it out right now.

OK, but soon. So what was so weird about this week in particular?

There was a bracket of unhappy endings to my encounters.

How so?

Well, I told you about the falling asleep thing.

Yeah.

That was the opening bracket. Had a great time with someone, it ended badly. I mean, it’s fine…anyone could fall asleep…but it was weird, and not exactly a big boost to my self esteem.

And then what?

So then, at the end of the week, there was another great day. It was a group thing, not a date. Everyone had a good day. Then we were hanging out at the end of the night, it was late, and he left me to go meet up with some other women.

What?

Also not good for my self esteem, even in a non-dating setting.

Definitely not. That would suck from either a friend or a date.

Thank you for the sanity check.

Any time.

Of course, he was a little worried about seeing it on my blog.

You will become the Taylor Swift of the blogosphere if you keep having such positive experiences.

My concern at this point is how it will be when I am actually dating if this is what it is like NOT dating.

It couldn’t be too much worse.

That’s what I am hoping, because if one more man tells me how wonderful I am and then falls asleep or ditches me for someone else, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

I’m pretty sure any court of law would be on your side.

There was an upside, although I feel like a bad person admitting it.

What’s that?

The women he went to meet were nowhere to be found.

Sometimes, Karma really does take care of things nicely.

You just can’t count on it…but sometimes it does make a jilted girl smile. I will enjoy it while I can.

Carpe Karma?

No…well, yes. Seize whatever. At some point, though, the harsh light of reality will shine back at me and why I this sort of thing keeps happening.

It isn’t your fault! You’re great!

But maybe, as a wise friend once said, my pecker pickerer is broken. Maybe the thing that is wrong with me is making bad choices.

That’s an uncomfortable thought.

It is. I should probably have another pint or I might think about it.

Cheers. It’s not you.

Cheers. It could be.

Oct 19

Huck the Fuskies day, 2014

It was Saturday.
It was a beautiful sunny day in mid-October.
There was a lot of good food, and beverages.
There were a lot of good people.

The Ducks beat the Huskies for the 11th time in a row.

My brother didn’t even have to stay in Duck jail.

Good day?
Uh huh.

Oct 18

An actual conversation at work

A couple of my coworkers were having a playful argument about the Ducks and Beavers after a recent OSU loss. He is a Beaver fan, she is a Duck fan who doesn’t hate the Beavers.

He says: you can’t like both teams. You’re an Oregonian. You have to pick.

She says:.something about preferring the Ducks, but being happy when the Beavers win.

He says: No, you have to pick. Who would you root for in the Civil War?

She waves her Duck hat.

He says: I don’t like you any more. I can’t be friends with a Duck fan.

She says: that’s not fair. You like Michelle and she’s even more of a Duck fan than I am.

He says: that’s different. I love Michelle. We have worked together a long time.

I say, dramatically: why can’t we all just get along? I really need the people around me at work to at least pretend to like each other.

Coworker 3, who is just walking past my cubicle, looks over at me, a completely horrified look on his face, and says:
You of all people are not going all Kumbaya on us, are you?

And I start to laugh. At an impressive volume for 0800. People prairie dog around us. I keep laughing. I’m pretty sure I could be fired for laughing like that. The look on that guys face. Snort. You should have seen it.

It would probably be the first time anyone here has been fired for excessive mirth.

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