Jul 23

An imaginary conversation about Zen Dogs

You know what I hate about the whole Zen thing? The stupid catch phrases. Be the dog. Give me a break. All hyper manic and friendly. Tails a-wagging. That’s not me.

It’s just an expression.

Thank you. Figured it wasn’t literal. Still. I don’t want to be the dog. I’m really

In unison:
More like a cat.

You really are.

I know! I am aloof, and kind of demanding. I want affection only on my own terms. And when I like someone, I enjoy rubbing against them. Sometimes with my claws out.

I noticed.


It’s OK. I didn’t mind.

I bite, too.

You do have the full compliment of bad habits.

I do. And like a cat, I am very hard to train.

Also true. For the most part. In some areas, you respond well to guidance. Are you blushing? I thought you had no shame?

I have no shame in the same areas that I respond well to training.

It’s something I like about you.

At least there’s one thing!

Oh, there are several.

And you aren’t even a cat person…

You know you aren’t actually a cat, right?

That’s good–cat food smells terrible. I would hate to have to eat it. Or use a litter box.

Not as much as I would hate having to empty your litter box.

Yeah, that’s well beyond the typical commitment required in any relationship.

I’m happy to make you purr, as long as you don’t sink your claws in my thighs.

I think that can be arranged…

Jul 22

Blog is all jacked up. Still legible. Please stand by…

I guess I know what I will be doing after work tonight…
It’s as unjacked as I can get it during my lunch.

Jul 22

Cheese and sex

“You two probably haven’t swallowed a lot of semen”
–Chelle to the men

“That is what we used to listen to during…you know..”
“Camembert time?”
–Paddy and Michelle

So, since I have mentioned this a few times in passing, and people keep asking…I am going to write about my feeling about Camembert, Brie, and other creamy French cheeses.

Here is my thesis: creamy French cheeses like Camembert and Brie taste like sex.

No one seems to understand this except me, which leaves me perplexed.
Either people who read my blog don’t ever have sex or they don’t ever eat creamy French cheese. Because if you have done both of those things, how can you not understand? It is perfectly clear.

If you don’t know what sex tastes like, don’t talk to me. You are doing it wrong, and need to go and do it properly. There aren’t many things I would put that bluntly about something as completely subject to whims and personal preference as sex, but taste is part of it if you have the ability to taste. If you have sex you should know what that taste is. If you don’t, you are missing a big part of it.

If you don’t know, then find someone to show you. Not me, all I I will tell you is that it tastes like Camembert. I mean, sure, I guess you could just eat some cheese and then you’d know what sex tastes like, but I would recommend tasting some sex, and then trying the cheese. Maybe some wine. You can put the cheese right next to the bed so you don’t have to get up. Plus, the cheese should really be out of the fridge for a little while before you eat it.

If you aren’t convinced, try again. In case you did anything wrong.

If you still don’t get it, that’s OK. At least you’ll have had sex and some good cheese.

It’s really a no lose proposition.

Have another glass of wine, and get back in bed.

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