I know I am still more than a little socially moronic now, but you didn’t know me when I was really bad.
You didn’t talk to anyone all night!
I smiled at people, and followed their conversations. Tried to follow. I don’t pick out voices very well in a crowd. I have a hard time in big groups.
More than one of my friends asked me if you were mad.
Was I unpleasant to anyone?
No, but you weren’t very sociable.
Because I am not very sociable. I don’t expect you to be tall when we go somewhere, do I?
I can’t help being the height I am.
And I mostly can’t help not being more social. I am not only introverted, but also shy. I did talk to people a little bit, but it is difficult for me.
It isn’t that hard to chat with people.
Not for you, you enjoy it. I don’t.
You just make it harder than it needs to be.
Like you do when I want to sit and read quietly and you want to be doing something constantly?
I can’t sit still. It makes me crazy. You know that.
I can’t make conversation with large groups of people. It makes me crazy. You know that.
It’s not the same at all!
I know, because I accept that there are differences in people. You think the things that are different about me are flaws that I need to correct. When you get fidgety sitting still, I let you know you don’t have to sit with me and it’s OK for you to go do something. When I have trouble interacting with people, you think I need to do better.
There’s nothing wrong with making things better, is there?
Better for which one of us?
There are a lot of overtly anti-social things I don’t do anymore. I don’t knit in public, even though it actually makes it easier for me to talk to people because I have something to do other than focus on how awkward I am.
It freaks people out.
Right. It also makes it a lot less stressful for me to socialize when I have something to do with my hands, but wasn’t worth arguing about because people got hostile about it.
So you think I am being unsupportive?
No, but I don’t think you are very accepting of who I am. You’d rather have me be different.
I think you are great!
Except for my actual personality.
I want people to like you.
Even if I have to be someone different?
No. Is that what you think?
How many times have you mentioned have great it would be if I was more outgoing?
It would be.
To me that is just like saying how great it would be if I was a different person.
I don’t mean it that way…
No. I know, but it still sucks. You need to figure it out.
What do you mean?
If being a life of the party type is that important to you, then you need to know that I am never going to become that. I don’t even want to.
I want you to be yourself, but…
But you don’t, not really.
I didn’t realize it bothered you that much.
It doesn’t. It bothers you.