Obligatory post about the new year, or happy 2015 y’all!

I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was.
–Ransom Riggs/Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
–T.S. Eliot/Little Gidding

I am starting this post well ahead of time because I know what I have going on for the holiday, and it will not be conducive to either intelligent or intelligible posting. I hope there are not too many embarrassing photos. Of me, anyway.

Since I will post this on 1/1, it means that it is now officially a brand new year. 2015 still has the new year smell, doesn’t it? Try not to spill anything on it, and remember to take off your shoes before you walk on it. We won’t be able to get another one for 364 days, so we need to try to make this one last. Let’s try to keep it in good shape so we get another one next year.

What did I do on New Year’s Eve?

Oh. You know. Sent off the old year with friends. There was probably some drinking involved. Maybe some cards. Some of us will need a Bloody Mary or two before we feel quite right this morning. You’ll all understand, I’m sure. Some of you may feel the same way.

Hell, some of you may be right here with me!

Hi.

Bloody Mary or Mimosa?
I recommend a Graymosa. That’s a Mimosa with grapefruit juice instead of OJ. Very tasty.

You’re welcome.

On today’s agenda?
Pajamas. Friends. Football. Food. Boozes.
Ducks at the Rose Bowl at 1400 hours.

We’ll be cheering as hard as we can for our Duckies.

Happy New Year, and Gooooooooo Duckies!!!!

Resolutions? Year in review? Bah

Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
And where there is sadness, joy
–The prayer of St. Francis

 

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.
–Gilda Radner

Resolutions are not something I have a talent for. They are like promises, and I hate breaking promises…especially to myself. No, that isn’t true. I break promises to myself all the time. I’ll do anything I can to keep a promise I make to someone else. Promises to myself are not a priority to me. Yeah. I’m working on it.

Typically I avoid making resolutions like I avoid going to the gym in January and February. I don’t want to be caught up in the crowd of oath breakers any more than I want to be caught in the crowds of people trying to find a parking space before spin class at 24 Hour Fitness.

Maybe I should have outward facing resolutions this year. If I make resolutions to benefit other people, it seems like I might have more of a chance to keep them. I’d probably have to make the promises to a specific person…well…hmmm.

In the spirit of the mandatory spirit of the season, I hereby resolve to:
1. Try to be kinder.
2. Try to be more focused on other people and less on myself. For a person as massively self-centered as I am, this will be a challenge.
3. Try to be kinder. I know, I already said it. I really do want to be kinder.
4. Try to be more tolerant. Of my own faults, and of everyone else’s. I could summarize that as “Give everyone a fucking break.” Part of this will involve not taking everything so personally. See point #2 above about everything NOT being about me.
5. Try to remember that everyone has their own issues to deal with, and if they are shitty to me, it just might be because of those issues and not something I did.
6. Try to keep everything in balance. What? Everything is too much? But…
well…I’d really like to have everything be in balance. Not just some things.
7. Try to chill the fuck out.

That’s kind of a lot of trying, isn’t it? Maybe I should resolve to get better at making resolutions. Then I could make a list of concrete actions I will need to take in order to achieve that goal.

In an ideal world, I would become one of those amazing people who are always thinking of others first and bringing casseroles to sick friends and shit. Stop laughing.

What? Nothing about exercising and eating better? Isn’t that mandatory in any sort of resolution list? Sigh. Covered under being kinder to myself, I think, and also under balance. I do realize that the 3 day long parties are not really the best thing for my 51 year old body and mind. But they are sooooo fun! I wasn’t supposed to have to worry about this kind of shit–I always thought I’d die before I was forty. (Yes, really. No reason. Just one of those weird things I came up with as a kid)

I’m not planning on going to Cabo this year. See? I’m already being successful with my resolutions! What about my plans for 12/31-1/2? Never mind about that. I’m planning on pacing myself in a balanced way. The whole time. No, I’m sure having Rocky, Kyle and Rick pouring me drinks all day for several consecutive days will be fine. Yes, my liver can tell that I am lying, and I’m sure there will be pictures to prove just how unbalanced I was at the dawn of the new year.

The year in review is equally problematic. It was a transitional year. That’s the diplomatic way to say it. My marriage came to an end. Other relationships changed in various ways. Change is always hard, so this has not been an easy year for me, for Mark, for our families. The changes will work out for the best, but getting there has been a bit of an ordeal.

On the other hand, there have been a lot of positive changes. Personal growth. Professional growth. I’ve remembered how creative I am. I’m living with more feeling. Being more emotionally open. I’ve seen some friendships evolve and grow. Others have been let go for the time being.

I’ve found my voice again, on several levels.

I can’t wait to see what happens in the coming year. I’m excited about it. Looking forward, but not too far forward.

Curious. Wondering. Happy, mostly.

It will be a good year.

It WILL be a good year.

It WILL.

For you all, too.

Happy New Year, everybody!

Love, hate and general annoyance

At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You’re an asshole but I love you
–P!nk/True Love

True love is the devil’s crowbar.
–X/True Love

Ever been involved in a love-hate relationship?

I haven’t.

It seems like it’d be a sort of a universal romantic rite of passage, but I’ve never really been there. Once I figure out I don’t like someone, it seems pointless to keep seeing them. One of the main reasons to be romantically involved with someone is because you like them MORE than anyone else. Plus sex. Great sex with someone I dislike has never made me want to keep someone around for long.

For me, liking someone is mandatory. I haven’t ever really understood the lure of the relationship that is full of drama and fighting. To the point that I am still friends with almost every person I’ve ever had any sort of a serious relationship with, much to the chagrin of anyone new I become involved with as I go through life.

Note to self: stop and think about this. Do you have trouble letting go, or are they all really so great that you should keep them forever? Answer to self: mostly, they are all really that great.

Have I ever been in love with someone who’s an asshole? Well. Maybe. A bit. Around the edges. That doesn’t mean I wanted to strangle him. Much. Usually. Sometimes just a teeny bit. Not until he is dead or anything. Plus, when I fell in love with him, he wasn’t an asshole at all. Or maybe I just didn’t notice until later. Maybe he never was.

Oh, he was…at times. Not always.

Kayso…

Some of it is human nature– no matter how much you like someone in general, you never like anyone 100% of the time. It’s not possible. No matter how awesomely perfect a person is, you are going to want to kill them once in a while. Maybe they leave the toilet seat down most of the time, and then always manage to leave it up on the one night you have to get up in the middle of the night all half asleep. Or they just can’t ever state a preference about where they want to go for dinner, except it’s not ANY of the places you want to go. “Wherever you want, babe. No. Not there.” Or they won’t ever tell their Mom to stop calling at 0700. Or they are incapable of going grocery shopping without an itemized list including brand names and eleventeen thousand phone calls so it takes longer than if you had just gone yourself. Whatever. Everyone is going to irritate the crap out of you at some point.

It is inevitable, and it’s OK (as long as you don’t actually strangle them. Strangulation is both morally wrong and illegal.)

And don’t think I have forgotten that I am also sometimes an asshole. I am. I am inpatient. I like to have my own way. I like to be right. I can be judgmental. If I am pushed, I can say things that are really cruel. I am a slob. I would rather not cook. I cry when I would be much better served by discussing my feelings intelligently. I have a tendency to be..uh…intense about things.

A lot of people probably think I am an asshole a lot of the time. Mostly I am not…but I do have my less than stellar moments. Chelle says it’s because I’m human. Chelle is never an asshole, as far as I can tell.

I dunno.

Have someone in my life who I hate? Not likely. Not for long.

What do you all think is awful about me? Should I put up a poll? It would be fun!

Here we go:

[poll id=”3″]