How to tell if someone is smart

While updating a friend on the status of my online dating situation, I mentioned that I’d had a particularly good time with one guy because he was so smart. He’s well read, knows about a lot of different topics, is fun to talk to, has a great sense of humor and makes great logical connections between  what might seem to be unrelated topics. 

After a little while, my friend asked “but what is it that makes someone smart?”

I think I reponded something insightful like “fuck if I know” so I clearly needed to give it some thought. It’s a little hard for me to define. It’s not like I can run someone through standardized testing, or ask for their latest IQ test scores. There are some signs of being smart that maybe aren’t the things that really make you smart. Is there a difference? I don’t even know that. 

And is it all just subjective anyway?

Because I love lists, I started one. 

What is a sign that you may be smart? I mean, what is smart anyway? In no particular order, and certainly not a comprehensive list:

  • Being able to learn things
  • Making logical connections between things 
  • Information retention from reading and other sources
  • Rote memory, maybe
  • A certain analytical bent
  • Humor
  • Paying attention/good focus
  • Curiosity 
  • Speaking multiple languages
  • Being good at math
  • Knowing about science
  • Not being gullible
  • Being able to figure things out

Reading definitions of the word didn’t help very much, either. The definitions just chased each other around. Smart is intelligent is clever is intellectual is well-read is blah blah blah. 

There are certain categories of people who tend to be smart. Librarians. Serious musicians. Scientists. People who can speak multiple languages well. Mathematicians. People who use various aspects of their intelligence, or various types of brain capacity perhaps?

I read a study somewhere once that mentioned the language thing, left-handedness, music lessons, recreational drug use and being the oldest child as contributing to higher levels of intelligence.  Score for me!  Of course being short and fat was detrimental…but I figure I am safe due to the quantity of intelligence boosters.  Imagine how unbearably smart I would be if I were also tall and thin.

How do I know when someone is smart? Like porn, I know it when I see it. 



Nothing? Yeah. Let’s just go with nothing. 

 

 I have a couple of things roughed out. Nothing quite ready to put up. 

The thing is,  I am just too fucking tired to deal with it, so I am going to bed. 

My plan to achieve balance through establishing priorities doesn’t seem to be going very well so far. 

I did go to the gym today, and I wrote quite a bit. It just wasn’t enough. 

And, and, and…

Zzzzzzzzz

Holy crap. Someone just sent me a text and scare the life out if me.  It is possible that I may need to cut back on everything. 

Huh? What was that? You told me so? No, I told YOU. I just haven’t done it. 

Wait’ll you see how frazzled I am by the end of the week.  Tell me so then. You might as well save it up and get it all out at once. 

An imaginary conversation about my writing

You talk about writing a lot. Do you actually write as much as you talk about it?

Ugh. Really? Am I awful and pretentious?

Awful, yes.  Not pretentious.

Fucker. 

Heh. 

It’s not like I am writing the Great American Anything. 

No?

No. It’s more like the Minor American Exercise In Mental Masturbation. 

It can’t be that bad!

Oh, it’s not. But it isn’t significant. 

Do you want it to be?

It started as a exercise in openness and vulnerability when I was trying to not be so private about everything. 

You definitely don’t seem overly private now–you must have been successful. Don’t you think that’s significant?

Yes, it really worked. Maybe it isn’t entirely insignificant. Not to me, anyway. 

What sort of things do you write about?

Anything. Nothing. Some stories. Random thoughts. Conversations. Blowjobs. 

So I take it your mother doesn’t read your blog. 

Sure she does!

Even the posts about blowjobs? That’s awesome. 

She’s pretty great. 

So what do you say about blowjobs?

Whatever happens to cross my mind. For instance, I might mention how it’s too bad that super huge guys never get good blowjobs. 

Guys always think they want a foot and a half long penis, but what are they going to do with it?

Exactly. It isn’t going to fit in any orifice.

Right. 

And biology and blood flow being what they are, it’s never going to be fully erect anyway. Like trying to use a firehose that only has a trickle of water coming through it. 

You’d pass out if you got a hard on.

Exactly, and even if you found a woman with an orifice big enough to stick that firehose in, it wouldn’t work very well. 

Why not?

Friction. A semi-erect cock creates too much friction for penetration. 

I suppose you’re right. 

I’m definitely right. I’ve seen the principle in action. 

Do tell?

No, it’s too depressing. Let’s just say that getting something that size to deploy is a lot less fun than a sexual experience ever should be. 

And now I know what not to wish for if I ever encounter a genie lamp. 

I can give you a size range of you’d like…

No, no..I’m staying OEM all the way. 

It’s a wise decision. 

Thanks. 

Unless you’re horrifically small or something. 

No, no. Not at all. 

It seems like that is something that should be disclosed ahead of time. To save embarassment later. 

Why not just have us marked in some way if we are out of the allowable size range for sex?

That wouldn’t work. People like different sizes. You’d need specifics. 

You’ve given this some thought!

Yes. And you know, I’ve changed my mind. I’d rather have it be a surprise. 

I wasn’t looking forward to reporting for measurements, anyway. 

Yeah. It would be a whole process. You’d need a fully erect measurement for it to be at all valid, and what if people were shy? They could be mis-categorized. 

You’re a little insane, aren’t you?

Sure.  By the way, this is exactly the kind of discussion that ends up in my blog.

Really? Good to know. How am I doing?

I’ll let you know once I write you in. Fine so far, I think. I’ll come off as a lunatic, but that’s normal. 

Can you make me taller?

Absolutely. All of the men in the blog are around 6’2. Will that do?

Sure. I don’t want to be picky in my debut.