Author: Michelle

As the worm turns, an imaginary conversation

You don’t scare me, you know.

Do too.

Aren’t you going to ask me why?

Why?

Curiosity?

About why you aren’t scared of me?

No.
Yes.
What?

You are scared of me. I terrify you.

Terrify is a strong word. Sometimes I don’t know quite what to make of you. Puzzled is different from scared.

Why are you puzzled?

You don’t react to things like a normal person. Conversation tends to go all wonky.

What do you mean?

Well, right now things are pretty normal. In a minute, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll say something bizarre.

Like what?

I dunno. I’m not the one who says the weird shit.

What???

What?

You say weird shit all the time!

No, you do.

You are the one who starts it though.

You said you voted for Pedro when we were talking about worms.

That’s not a good example. That conversation started out weird. We were talking about worms.

I started that one, didn’t I.

Yep.

You may have a point.

I prefer to think of myself as well rounded. And don’t raise your eyebrow at me.

I can’t help it. It’s an autonomous nerve response, like breathing.

You made that up.

So?

Isn’t that like lying?

No, it’s like storytelling.

Is it a fine line?

Did you think for even a second that the movement of my eyebrow is not something I am able to control?

No.

Then it’s not a fine line.

That is NOT how that works.

I’m not the one who started talking about worms!

Tequila. You brought worms into it. Although it’s an admittedly logical progression.

See? Normal.

But then you started talking about someone’s second van the hospital.

Not my fault. That was the phone. I told you Siri does weird shit.

And it was funny.

Thanks.

What are we talking about, anyway?

Why you scare me.

Now you’re just making stuff up.

Storytelling.

That’s my line.

You’ll share it though, right.

Only if you tell me a story.

Once upon a time?

That’s a start….







The language of positivity

Someone at work had a cup of Starbucks with a jacket on it–one of those ones with an inspirational quote on it. You know I have a somewhat rocky relationship with inspirational quotes, right?

This particular quote was from Oprah, and it was about the importance of living your passion. Know what? That comes from such a place of privilege it drives me nuts. Yes, be as happy as you can. Yes, ideally, do something you enjoy if you have the choice. But not everyone has the luxury of living their passion. Not everyone comes from a place of such plenty that they can do that. Some people have to shovel shit and dig ditches. Some people have to work multiple jobs to support their families. They can elect to have a great attitude about it, but you know what? It is NOT going to be their fucking passion. It will be a job. And there isn’t anything wrong with that.

In our world, your passion might not be your work. It might be a hobby or a sport. It might be a sketch pad or knitting needles. It might be laughing with your friends on the back porch. Do what you can to be happy and don’t worry about Oprah thinking you are doing it wrong.

The jargon of positivity also makes me a little sick. Was that negative? Well, I have to balance out the positivity. Balance, they say, is crucial.

What is it that offends my sensibilities so?
I hate the clichés. I hate the sappiness. I hate the positivity that goes beyond reason. I hate the obscure language designed to hide that what they are saying to be nice to people, including yourself, and have a good attitude. You can’t charge money for that though.

I want to talk about in a language that isn’t aesthetically abhorrent to me if I need to talk about it at all.

Ranting aside, I think that focusing on the good in life is great. I think that mindfulness and meditation are great. Credit where credit is due, there is a lot of science backing the idea that people who are rationally positive and who do some sort of mindfulness practice generally do better in life as far as health and happiness are concerned. And professionally, if that’s something that’s important to you.

But then there’s also this: I don’t want to be the fucking dog. YOU be the fucking dog.

Positivity for snide people. That is what I want.