Why do you have to say that there’s always someone
who can do it better than I can?
But don’t you think that I know that walking on the water
won’t make me a miracle man?
–Elvis Costello/Miracle Man
Now that everyone has finished with their resolutions for the new year, I am considering my own plans for continued self improvement. I’ve been doing really well on increasing my tequila intake, but it seemed like there might be a few other areas in which I am less than optimal. Here is what I have come up with so far:
1. Stop expecting people to act the way you think they should
2. Eat more veggies
3. Don’t be a nutcase too often
4. Take people at face value
5. Be more coherent.
6. Call your mother more often
7. Be succinct.
8. When you fail at being succinct, at least try not to be boring
9. Do something different on a regular basis
10. Learn when to cut your losses and bail
11. Don’t be afraid to be a freak
12. Be less attached to your comfort zone at work
13. Learn to cook some new stuff
14. Write more. Actually, just write better
15. If you can’t manage better, keep writing anyway
16. Maybe stop writing long enough to get some exercise now and then
17. Learn to ice skate
18. Get more tattoos
19. Stop referring to yourself as a dumbass. Yes, motherfucking dumbass also counts
20. You need another pair of boots
21. Love people more
22. Even the dumbfucks
23. Yes, that is really hard
24. Make sure you always have plenty of black eyeliner
As you can see, I am not backing away from the really hard emotional work. I’ve had trouble with dumbfucks for my whole life. I may not be successful with everything on the list, but I am going to give it a try. Right after I have a cocktail.
Cheers, y’all!
Special thanks and a very happy birthday to Kelly for giving me the gift of Elvis back in the ninth grade. Love you, KelBel!
