Category: Imaginary Conversation

Do you think it’s possible to give consent if one of the people can glamor you into believing anything they want?

What’s our context here?

Vampires.

You’ll have to refresh my memory — I don’t have your abiding love of all things fanged.

In many traditions, vampires can gaze into your eyes and either convince you to do their bidding or mess with your memory so you don’t remember encountering them.

OK…

With all of the discussion about consent in the media right now, I just wonder if it is even possible for a vampire to have a consensual relationship with a non-vampire who they could glamor into sex or biting or whatever.

I understand now.

Good. What is your opinion?

Vampires don’t exist.

Of course not, but if they did?

But they don’t.

Indulge my flight of fancy here.

But it’s silly.

Is it? Why?

Because you don’t need to know the ethical ramifications of  something that can’t ever happen.

It could have other implications in real life, don’t you think?

No. No I don’t.

You are staggeringly un-whimsical.

I like to think of it as sane.

Pffffft.

One thing I will say about you: you do come up with the oddest ideas.

Thanks.

Was that a compliment? I’m not even sure myself.

It was. You hate to be bored.

True.

What about if there is something about them that compels you to think about them? Like drinking their blood, or their drinking yours? If a big chunk of their sexuality leads to your essentially being drugged into wanting them?

This is important to you why now?

I’m curious, and I just re-watched TrueBlood.

Have you met a vampire that you are hoping to get to know better?

No, vampires don’t exist. Besides, the amount of laundry required would be overwhelming.

Laundry?

All that blood. It would soak through the sheets and ruin a mattress in no time. There’s not a vampire-proof mattress pad available.

Seriously?

Yes.

Uh…

I said that I realize that vampires aren’t real.

Oh, good.

But the logistics and ethics are interesting to me.

The logistics and ethics of an imaginary relationship with an imaginary type of being.

Yes. And stop looking at me like I’m crazy.

I don’t think you’re crazy. Just odd.

In a good way.

Well.

In. A. Good. Way.

Of course. Wait, did you just try to glamor me?

Did it work?

I kind of want to ravish you…

Huh..

Why? What were you trying for?

Ravishing works.

You’ll never believe what I saw on my way home from work today!

What?

A monster skeleton dog!

A monster skeleton dog?

Yeah! In the sky!

In the sky.

Yes.

Um.

It was a cloud!

Ahhhh.

What?

Another person might have lead with that.

What, that it was a cloud?

Uh-huh.

But when I saw it, my first impression was that it was a giant monster skeleton dog.

Of course it was.

You lack imagination.

Did you get a picture?

No.

No? You have pictures of every other cloud you’ve ever seen…but no skeleton dog?

Monster skeleton dog.

Right.

No, you told me not to take pictures of monster skeleton dogs anymore.

I’m pretty sure I did not ever say anything even remotely like that.

You told me not to take pictures while driving anymore.

Yes, I can see how  you’d interpret that as “don’t take pictures of monster skeleton dogs anymore.”

Oh, good.

You’re usually better at picking up sarcasm than that.

I was politely choosing not to hear it.

You’re a nice woman.

I know.

Seriously, though…

Yes?

You saw a skeleton dog cloud in the sky, and you expect me to believe that you  didn’t take a picture?

Not a good one.

That’s more like it.

Well, it was a giant monster skeleton dog after all. I had to take a picture, but I waited until I was stopped at a light and couldn’t see anything but the ribs.

You can’t have pictures of every cloud.

I know, but…

Right.

Actually, now that I think about it it was really more like the starving dog on the cover of Diamond Dogs.

Not a skeleton?

A very, very skinny dog. Still, kind of monstery. And quit shaking your head.

I can’t help it.

You’re lucky to have someone in your life as interesting as I am.

That is definitely one way to see it.

You don’t think you’re lucky?

Very, but not because you see emaciated David Bowie cloud dogs in the sky.

Why?

Because there is no one else like you.

In a good way?

Mostly.

I am unsatisfied with that response.

 

No one’s perfect, but you are pretty damn great.

That response was excellent. You are good at placating me when you work at it.

You make it easy.

 

 

 

 

My work BFF is moving to a different team and my heart is broken.

Aren’t you happy for her?

Yes. I am super excited, and it is a fantastic move for her! But she sits next to me now and I love her and next week she won’t be there anymore. She’ll be over a mile away.

You will talk to her all the time. You can IM each other all the gossip.

I feel like an abandoned spouse.

There are way worse things happening at work right now that you can freak out over.

The other upheaval at work is scary and it’s also something I am totally fretting about in my own quiet way, but this is an emotional work disaster. That is much worse.

Have you been crying at work again?

No. Yes. Maybe a little. We both did. And I learned that she is a Taurus. That explains why she is my work BFF.

Uh, it does?

Totally. Because I am a Scorpio.

Which means?

Since we are astrological opposites, we have a great synergy in which we can TOTALLY handle all of each other’s weird shit without batting an eyelash.

Such as?

None of your business.

I thought opposites would tend to butt heads…

No, but OMG MAYBE WE WILL NOW THAT WE WILL POTENTIALLY HAVE DIFFERENT WORK GOALS!!!

Seriously?

Nah. I was being melodramatic. We’ll still have very similar goals. Don’t roll your eyes at me.

I can’t help it.

It’s involuntary?

No, you’re being irrational. I thought you were all science based. Astrology is total garbage.

Oh, I know it is.

But you still believe it in this case?

Uh. Not exactly.  I just believe that I am a total Scorpio which is the best sign, and that Taurus is the second best sign.

Because?

Just..because.

It’s about sex, isn’t it.

Sex, power, money and death. But ewwww not at the same time! At least not the death part.

Of course not. Weirdo.

Creep.