Category: Words

And forever more, I’ll be on your side for sure –
A light in your life, that always burns for you
As time passes…. so quickly.
–Paul Weller/Time Passes

It’s the beginning of March. I am looking at my calendar.

I’m getting my hair done next week. And a tattoo. Wow the month will be practically half over by then. I wonder if my ink will be done by April?

Then we’re going to the symphony and ballet in April. Then it’s time for the Spring game. It’ll be almost Summer, and then I have to put the Gummi bears on for Football. Then it’s practically my birthday and Xmas and the year will be over already!

I’m practically about to turn 60, and then I’ll be retired. In another minute I’ll be 80.

This is how time goes. It doesn’t fly, it doesn’t turn like the calendar pages you see in movies–it’s warp speed, and it gets faster all the time. Sometimes I think I like to do nothing not so much out of laziness, but in an attempt to let a touch of boredom slow down time just a little.

But the older I get, the less likely I am to get bored. There are so many things to look at and read and learn and try. How can you be bored? And the more things you do and enjoy, the more you want to try. The more things you try, the more you will enjoy. If you have a lot of things you enjoy, you love your life more and more, which speeds it up even more. It’s a conspiracy of happiness to make your life speed by so quickly that you barely have time to notice it.

But do.

Notice everything.

Notice that even though the ice killed the leaves on your Daphne, it’s still going to bloom. Notice how pretty the curled up red leaves are agains the blue sky when you get in your car at the end of the day and look up and smile. Notice when people smile at you when they think you aren’t looking. Notice each moment. Be there for it.

Make each moment it’s own infinity.

Each moment of now is all you have.

I don’t wanna be a loser
I don’t wanna be an almost was
–Everclear/Rock Star

Wishing to be different than you are creates unhappiness.
–Various

This is something that all the inspirational quote pushers seem to harp on. It seems to be sort of a near-Gospel “truth” that we can only be happy if we love ourselves the way we are, and stop wanting to be different.

Like many ideas, I both agree and disagree. There’s a balance to find.

Wishing there were things about me that were different does not automatically mean I will be unhappy. Wishing and not doing anything about it might. Wishing and hating myself might. Telling myself I suck because of it might.

On the other hand, it could also make me improve myself, learn something new or make a needed change in my life. If you are content with everything about yourself, maybe you’ll become stagnant. Maybe you won’t achieve everything you could. Or keep drinking too much.

Let’s take being fat as an example. First off, I’m going to refer to myself as fat. Hope no one gets all upset about that. For me, it’s a descriptive.
I don’t hate myself because I’m fat, but I do recognize that I am.

There could be a lot of reasons I might want to change that particular aspect of myself that have nothing to do with self-hate or unhappiness. Maybe I want to improve my health or have an easier time finding cute outfits. Taking steps to learn to eat sensibly and make better decisions about what I eat would potentially lead to a change. For those steps to happen, I’d have to wish I was different. It doesn’t follow that I would become unhappy as a result.

There are, I think, some changes to wish for that can be very good. Wishing something was different can be very positive. Daydreams put into plans can lead to good change. Learning to be more positive, patient or tolerant would tend to make you more rather than less happy if that’s a change you wished for and came up with a plan to do it.

There are other aspects of yourself that can’t be changed. Your age. Your ethnicity. Eye color. Skin color. The type of hair you have. Wishing they were different would tend to make you very unhappy.

Ask any 16 year old girl.

Wishing for change can be a catalyst if approached in the right way.

We need to figure out what we’re doing Friday.
What do you mean? Aren’t we going to that show?
Yeah, but are we going to have drinks or dinner before the show?
Sure. I thought we’d figure it out later.
It’s kind of later now.
True.
Do you have a preference?
Drinks somewhere.
…
…
Don’t give me that look. You mean like where?
Yes. Do you have a preference about where?
Not really. You?
I was thinking the Matador for tequila and tapas.
Not there.
Jake’s?
No, it’ll be too crowded.
So, where then?
I don’t care!
But you do care. That’s why I’m asking if you have a preference. You’re the pickiest person who doesn’t care in the world.
Sorry.
So…
What?
Sigh
What?!
Where do you want to go?
I don’t care!
I think I’ll just kill you and go to the Matador with one of my girlfriends.
Why are you mad?
You suck.